Sunday, December 16, 2018

It's A Bad Day

So it's been a minute since this bitch posted, huh?
More than a minute, actually. Three months.

That's the longest I've ever gone in the history of this little blog.

I guess I just really haven't had much to say. Second Life is Second Life. People come and go. The faces change, the drama stays the same. Blah, blah, blah, right?
Yeah, it's that time of year.

Fucking December. That's why I'm posting today. It's a special fucking day in a special fucking month.

Today is the anniversary of the last time I spoke with Hugh.
Three years. Three fucking years. We've now been apart longer than we were together.

I keep waiting for it to get easier. It hasn't.

We've not spoken a single word in 1,095 days and I still love that man as much as I did that day, and I loved him a lot that day.
I often wish we'd had a huge fight, or that we'd fallen out of love but that isn't what happened. I'm not going to rehash the horror that ended us, but... we were very much in love on December 16, 2015. Does he still love me? Yeah, he does. Don't ask me how I know when we've not spoken in three years, but I know he still loves me.

It's one of the things that keeps me going. It's a different kind of love than we had back then, but I know it's still there. You don't get that close to someone, share that much with someone, and have that love just die.

Somewhere out there in this big, hateful, rotten world of ours, there lives a man who knows me better than anyone else has ever known me. A man who saw all of me... the good, the bad, and the ugly... and he loved me entirely and still does. I know he thinks of me and smiles.
He made a vow. That vow wasn't to me, it was to someone else that he loves. If he hadn't kept that vow, if he had broken down and contacted me after we broke up, I think I'd have probably thought less of him but I know... I knew when he told me it would be the last time we spoke, that he was telling his best truth.

Because he's the best man. Flawed, certainly. We all are. But he was the best man for me and I still haven't gotten over him.

Most of the time I think of him and smile as well but it's days like this that the smile is hard to find. I know he's happy, and healthy, and that his life is in a good place. Yeah, I've internet-stalked him for three years and I'm not a bit sorry. I had to know he was well, and he is.
At the end of the day that's all I ever wanted for him. Something was missing from his life when he found me and I was able to fill that hole for two glorious years. Two insanely magical years. It was never meant to last... it's Second Life after all. But, god, those two years were the best. The very best.

And what have I been doing since then? Well, it's not been an especially great three years. I lost my dad. My depression has been an up and down battle every day. The job I loved has become almost unbearable. I'm more alone than I've ever been and that's scary.

I've never liked Christmas and all the fake cheer and forced celebrations and stress. After Dad died, I made the decision to start treating Christmas like any other day. Last year, I stayed home alone and I was fine with it.
This year I plan to do the same but for some reason it's harder. Maybe last year I was still numb with losing Dad and this year I'm just feeling it all so much more. And that's one of the reasons I dislike Christmas - it discriminates. It's great for people with big boisterous families or kids, but for those of us who don't have that, it sucks.

Oh, I've got family and they're great. I've been invited spend Christmas with all my siblings and their families but... no. I just can't. I don't want to fake the cheer and the joy and know if I went to any of their houses, I would just sit there wondering if I'd been there long enough so it wouldn't be rude if I left.
And every commercial, every ad, every person at work, every... everything... makes it seem like there is something terribly defective with me for not wanting to be part of any of it.

I'm fucking surrounded by people just chock-fucking-full of holiday cheer and goodwill towards each other.

Where is that feeling the other 364 days a year? Why do people need a fake holiday (December 25 is not the day Jesus was born... and he was just some dude, anyway) to be kind to each other, and give to charity, and do special things?

Because it's bullshit, that's why. None of it is real. People act the way they do around Christmas because they've been brainwashed to act that way. If it were genuine, they wouldn't need a special day to be... celebratory.
I'm just a fucking ray of sunshine right now, aren't I... lol?

Today's a bad day. It marks a memory of a day I wish had never happened. I miss my Hugh. 

But in less than 24 hours, it'll be December 17 and the anniversary will be past, and January will be here soon enough and next thing you know, it'll be spring and I'll feel that rebirth when the sun comes out and the flowers bloom. 
I just have to hold on until then and keep pressing forward and remembering the good things in this world. Trump is going to resign in shame... and hopefully go to prison. That's something to look forward to!

Oh, and orgasms! There are still plenty more orgasms to be had. I may be in a bleak place right now, but that didn't stop me from creaming all over a good friend's cock tonight, several times, and it was fabulous. He's not Hugh, but he's pretty fucking awesome in his own right.
And I went out into the woods naked but for a fur coat and rolled around in the snow so I could take these pictures. That was fun. I was surrounded by others wearing their winter finest all bundled up like you can actually feel the cold in Second Life and had to giggle at their disapproving (or jealous) stares. Second Life isn't the same for me as it was a few years ago, but it's still the place where I can be free to be who I want to be without the constraints of the real world holding me back.

And I still love it. No, it isn't the same, but I still have fun. In some ways the sex has gotten even better since I got over my disdain for voice sex. It's hot as fuck hearing someone else cum, and letting them hear me. I love it.
So, yeah, that's what's been happening for me the last three months. Same old, same old.

But today is a bad day. December 16 will always be a bad day.

Monday, September 3, 2018

Is She...?

Yes, she is!
And why not, right? It's Second Life, after all.

First off, let me just say that I am still, always and forever, anti-creepy prim (or mesh, I suppose) baby. Those things send me right into the uncanny valley of spasms and retching. At the end of this little... whatever it is... there will be no baby.

Mind you, I haven't talked to my baby daddy about that yet, and yes, I do actually know who he is, but that is something I'm just going to have to stand firm on.
So how did this happen?

Years and years ago, I experimented with pregnancy in SL briefly with a former partner. I think I lasted like a week before I ended it because it just felt so freaking weird to me.

I am child-free in RL... I've never had any desire to raise a child. But I have always been curious about what it feels like to be pregnant, but not so curious as to even consider it knowing what happens after nine months when you have take a screaming, crying, shitting, stinky infant home with you. I actually did consider being a surrogate for a minute, but it was a quick minute...

So when one of my lovers let me in on his little pregnancy fetish, I was rather intrigued. I got the Deciduan HUD thingie and went for it. After a few attempts that didn't result in conception, I cranked up the fertility and BOOM, pregnant... lol!
The fun part for me, right now, is seeing the changes in my shape. I found this shape calculator thingie, and have been changing my body in accordance with the week. I'm currently at 27 weeks, and not gonna lie, I think I look sexy as fuck with a big baby-filled belly.

It's weird, too, though. I have been very reluctant about going out to my regular haunts all knocked-up and have switched back and forth between regular-me and pregnant-me, but because I've been growing gradually, it feels very odd to be in my regular shape. 
I did have a little liaison with another of my lovers yesterday. It was his first time seeing me with the belly and I was worried that he'd find it distasteful. 

Yeah, no. While he certainly doesn't have the same pregnancy fetish as the baby daddy, he was quite fond of the belly and couldn't get enough of fucking my pregnant self and leaving his seed all over me, inside and out... and I do so love that.
I can also admit that I'm a little sad that this is going by so fast. I'm already more than halfway through (I sped it up a bit because I love seeing my body changing) and I'm not really looking forward to it being over. I can't wait to see what I look like at 40 weeks! Will I still think I look as sexy as I do now? I've thought about cheating and making the 40 week shape, but I don't want to spoil it... lol!

So will I do this again once this is over? Yeah, I probably will. I'm finding that there are lots of men who love pregnant women, and I'm finding it to be extremely erotic myself. I've discovered some things about myself in this process, namely that I orgasm like crazy watching (some) pregnancy porn. Much of it is rather unsettling due to the treatment of the women, a problem throughout the porn industry, but with a bit of effort in the search, there is some that is just fucking gorgeous and sensual as hell.
And what of this little club I've been planning on opening? Well... the club is finished and ready to open.

And I have absolutely no desire to throw open the doors and welcome people in. Just the thought of the effort it takes... ugh. 

So it's sitting there empty and gorgeous and there is a really excellent chance I'm not going to open it... or it's going to happen in an entirely different form in another location with someone else in charge. We'll see.

Right now, I'm just enjoying being preggers in SL. 
I'm certain it's not for everyone, but I feel sexy as hell. Is that weird? I'm positive that being pregnant in RL doesn't feel sexy like this... morning sickness, swollen ankles, all that crap... don't have to worry about any of that in SL.

But... I feel lush. My breasts are getting bigger, my ass... hips are widening... that swollen belly... it feels decadent. I feel beautiful.

I like it. I never would have thought I'd enjoy being pregnant in SL so much, especially with my distaste for prim babies and SL families. But this part? Growing bigger every day? Yeah... I like this. A lot.

I'm curious to hear from others about their thoughts and experiences with pregnancy in SL. Give me a shout if you have opinions, please! Ladies, does it make you feel beautiful, too? Men? Does it turn you on? Would you fuck me like this?

Do tell...

Sunday, August 12, 2018


As some of you may know, I'm going to attempt my own club again.

Just a tiny little skybox. A smoking lounge. Think leather chairs, low lighting, cocktails, cigars, pipes, etc. Bluesy jazz. Sophisticated and very discerning. Adult. Of course there will be sex. It's my club, after all.

But Macbain's isn't for everyone. It's not even for most. This is a place for a choice select few.

And, yes, it comes with four pages of rules.


Let me show you...
There are too damn many men who still wander around SL looking to get laid that look like this.

I went out exploring today... and, yes, a lot of these photos were taken in the very dregs of Second Life, such as the one above. And below. 
Before anyone jumps my shit for picking on noobs, I had some rules for myself when I went looking, and granted, I was looking for the worst of the worst but all avatars had to be several years old AND have payment info on file.

I'm not that much of a bitch.
This fellow thought I was going to fuck him. Yeah, I know, I was at the Fuck Hall, but come the fuck on. System body, head and clothes.

No, guys. NO.
So four pages of rules.

Because I don't want this happening.
I don't want what happened to Ruined to happen to Macbain's. On Ruined's very first day, someone that I was iffy about anyway, but gave membership to because I'm nice and he was a decent fuck, invited about 20 atrocities to join.

And I didn't boot them all. At first. But Ruined was ruined on the very first day for me and there was no coming back from it.
Can you guys believe Nadine's Fuck Bunker is still around? It is. And it's still as horrifying as ever.

This dude above? Ten years in Second Life.

This isn't what I want for my club and I'm going to be a hard ass about it this time.
Macbain's is going to be about quality. I don't give a single shit if I have 5 members or 5,000 members. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

There is a body code, and a dress code. And I'm really sorry about people not making the cut, but I'd be more sorry if I let them in.
What is even happening with this guy's hair?! Thousands and thousands of hairs available on the MP and he picks that?

It's laziness, and I'm just not having it at Macbain's. I spend hours trying to make myself look decent, as do most women, and (a lot of) men just don't get that they need to put the same effort in.

You do, guys. You really do.
I get that some of it is just a matter of taste.

My tastes aren't for everyone, but then, my club isn't for everyone.

And I'm sure a lot of people think this makes me shallow... a lot of men. But you know what? When these guys hit on me it's not based on my sparkling personality, is it? They don't know me. They like the way I look.

So why should I settle for any less? Why should any woman?
Macbain's is for Bento. Bento head, Bento hands... fucking Bento tongue. Mesh body... and not the basic TMP freebie bullshit with the ridiculous static fingers.

Macbain's is for suits. Quality suits. Perhaps not a tie... you can still look like a god without a tie. But a jacket definitely. Nicely tailored.

The guy below didn't look so bad underneath the clothes but...
Put on a fucking shirt for fuck's sake. And sunglasses inside at night? Come on. No. 

Macbain's isn't for jeans. No denim. No sneakers. No fucking sandals on men! No t-shirts.  
This guy didn't look bad at all... if you started at the bottom and worked your way up. Then BOOM. THAT HAIR. Why? Why, why, why?

There is good male hair out there now. Quite a bit of it. It costs the same as that swampy mop on top of that guy's head. GET SOME DAMN DECENT HAIR.
No track suits in my club. That's for lounging on your fucking couch at home scratching your balls watching sportsball, not for going out to a club, enjoying a fine cigar, a glass of Bourbon and seducing the ladies.

When you come to Macbain's, you come dressed to impress. You may not stay dressed, but you'll fucking show up with a look that makes me want to lick you from head to toe.
No bodybuilders, either. And yeah, that's just a matter of personal preference for me. I hate the big beefy, bone-head look.

I hate the Aesthetic body and head and those Nimrod skins or whatever they're called. I absolutely despise them with the white hot heat of a million burning suns.

So yeah, no. Not allowed. Period.
I know you guys love your tattoos, and I don't hate them, either. If they mean something to you, are done with quality and... oh for Christ's sake, no fucking barbed wire on your biceps!

It's trite and tacky and soooooooo embarrassingly frat boy-ish.
Those static fingers, guys. We women notice that shit. And that's why this doofus is standing around in his boxers not getting laid. And again, THAT HAIR.
I didn't even wait until this schmo rezzed before I snapped the picture and took off. What the fuck is going on here? BURN IT.
And just so you guys don't think I'm only picking on you... this shit doesn't fly with me, either. The no-over-sized-body-part rule goes for women, too. I guess this is some fetish thing, and it's at Nadine's Fuck Bunker so chances are it's a dude, but I have known some women who do this with their tits and ass, too. 

Some people find it... sexy? I guess? And that's okay if that's your thing. Go to Nadine's and have at it. But I'm not allowing it in Macbain's.


For those of you gentlemen who do take care to look amazing, thank you. Sincerely. Thank you so much. I love you. 

But the shit above is what we women are dealing with in Second Life and it doesn't make our pussies wet. Well, I suppose it makes some women wet, but not me, and not the women I want joining me at Macbain's.

I don't know when I'm going to open... I'm not especially in any rush. I'll make another post in a few days about what I truly do envision for my little smoking lounge. It actually is about more than looks, I promise...

Monday, July 30, 2018

Bethie with the Good Hair

Well, y'all... I have had a rough couple of weeks.
It all started with a visit from my dark friend. 

That's what I call my depression. 

Mind you, all things considered, it wasn't a bad visit. It was more of a meh than a whopper. It was just sort of tickling around at the fringes.

And I know what brought it on... men.
More specifically, men who think I'm a grand candidate for sex, but can't see the woman beyond that.

It's a double-edged sword, isn't it? I have buried myself in the sexual side of Second Life because... well, hell, I like sex, damn it, and I've been so damn sick for years about the way women are shamed for being sex positive.

So I've gone all out with the sex, right? And there's not a damn thing wrong with that... until you realize that most of the men in my (Second)life have started to see me as nothing more than a virtual sex doll.

And I'm really not okay with that.
Because I'm sexual, yes... voraciously sexual even... but that isn't all I am by any stretch of the imagination.

I'm complex and varied. Intelligent and funny. Loyal to a fault. Empathetic to an almost uncomfortable degree. I'm goofy. I work, and pay bills, and I have a family, and friends. I drive a car. I cook. I have dreams. I'm pragmatic.

And a lot more things, too. And I happen to think I'm worth knowing in more than the carnal sense.

I'm fucking date-worthy.
These men in my SL that relegated me to fuck object starting wearing on me. The nights spend alone while they were with their girlfriends or partners. The life of the side chick sucks, in spite of what all the songs say.

I'm not going to be a side chick anymore. If you want to be with me, you'd best be ready, willing, and able to put me ahead of all the other women in your virtual world. I'm not settling for second... or third, or fourth... best anymore, guys.
As I was coming to this realization, and the realization it was time for one of those little breaks from Second Life, my real world got hit by a real storm. A big ass storm that knocked out my power for a couple of days.

And when that power came back on? Dead computer.

It's been acting up for a while now and I thought I might be in for some repairs soon, but when this happened, I also happened to be broke as fuck.

I waited for pay day.

And I'm not going to tell you guys the absolute utter bullshit I went through trying to find someone to work on my computer (when I wanted them to) but there were some tense moments and terse conversations and high fucking blood pressure.
Anyway, after paying $200 for "diagnostics", I found out my motherboard was pretty much melted. I cried. I loved that damn computer. It was a big Frankenstein workhorse that had lasted me years, and it was dead.

And I had to buy a new computer. So this is me on a new computer that I'm still learning, with new photo editing tools because I lost my Pixlr desktop because it was discontinued a couple of years ago but I've been keeping it going because I love Pixlr and loved the desktop app.

But there's no getting it back now so I have to find something else.
These are edited with PhotoShop Express. It's nice but it doesn't have all the tools I want. I'm also playing with a free trial of the full PhotoShop to see how I like it.

You guys... I don't know Photoshop beyond the very most basic. Look, I just want to slap some filters on a photo and be done with it. I have no desire to spend more than 2 or 3 minutes editing a photo of my virtual self.

There is also the online version of Pixlr that I used before I switched to the desktop app. I can go back to that, too, and my photos will look just the same as before.

So I'm weighing my options.
Anyway, all this is to say that I had to take a longer break than I meant to.

But I'm back now with some new priorities.

I cleaned out my friend's list. If you're still on there, that means you're fucking awesome and I love you... or I haven't gotten to know you well enough to know if you're a twat-waffle yet.

Cleaned out my Skype contacts, too.

No more will I be everyone's for-a-good-time-call girl.
Respect me, and I'll respect you right back and fuck you until we're both sweaty and spent and blissed the fuck out.

What? You thought I was giving up sex? C'mon, y'all know me better than that!

But it's going to be on my terms. You're going to have to spend some time getting to know me before you stick your dick in me. And I won't be your side chick or hide in the shadows.

If you have an open relationship with someone else, great. I have no issue with that. If your girl knows you're fucking me, we can talk. 

But I'm really looking for that one special guy. And I know when I'm looking, I won't find him but there you go. 

I want a partner. Not for monogamy but someone who puts me first above all others, as I will him. We'll play together and separately and with others but at the end of the night, I want a guy who wants to be with me.
And no, I don't think that's too much to ask. I'm fucking all that and a bag of chips. The guy that I pour myself into is going to be one lucky son of a bitch as long as he pours himself right back into me. 

Gentleman, if you think you're going to stick your dick inside me then only come sniffing around when you want to get your rocks off again, just look elsewhere. 

But you're going to be missing out on knowing someone amazing.

Saturday, July 7, 2018


Hey guys! Long time, no see!

Yeah... I've been a bit quiet, haven't I? I've had my hands full, y'all! Of cock!
I'm  having a quiet Friday night, though. It's a holiday weekend for those of us in the states... well, it was a holiday a couple days ago, but a lot of people are on vacation. Did you know that the Fourth of July is my least favorite holiday of them all?

I despise it. Mostly because I don't like loud bangy noises that mimic bombs. I think that's tacky and uncalled for in this day and age. Boys with their toys, amirite?

Also, yeah... I'm not so very patriotic these days.
Truth is I never have been. I value being human over being American. I cringe at the creepy Pledge of Allegiance. I often find myself ducking into the bathroom just before the National Anthem plays just so I don't have to stand for something I find pretty distasteful.

It would be different if this was a great country... and yeah, I was a bit more patriotic during the Obama years but now we've got the giant orange turd - pussy-grabber, daughter-luster, wife-cheater, just all around asshole in chief. And his grotesque sycophants who I find even more repulsive.

They man could literally rape a puppy on Fox News and his bootlickers would find a reason to justify it.

But enough about my dislike of the Fourth of July and utter hatred of the monster.
It's hot, isn't it? We're having a bit of a heatwave.

And when I built my house, I neglected to install AC. Does anyone have AC in their Second Life homes? Mine is all glass, and I know there's a metaphor in there about people living in glass houses and all, but I love it.

So, no air conditioning and a quiet Second Life night where all my fellas are either occupied or out of town... or sleeping, I suppose, at this time of night... nothing to do but climb aboard my pegacorn float and try to cool down.
Speaking of pegacorns, did I mention that I saw Taylor Swift last weekend??

If you know me at all, you know I fucking love Taylor Swift with a white-hot passion. I want to be her bestest friend, have sleepovers with her, do each other's makeup, eat junk food, dance around like we're 22, talk about boys and practice French kissing.

I would eat that pussy so good. Lick her from front to back and front again. Get my face right in that juicy little pussy and make her cream all over my tongue. I bet her cum has glitter in it. Her tits? Those nice little breasts she has with those yummy little nipples... god... I could spend hours sucking and kissing and biting them. And then I want to scissor with her... rub out pussies together, our clits all swollen and aching and just grind on each other until we pass out.

Where was I? Oh, yeah... I saw her last weekend. I'm not usually a concert goer, especially not a stadium concert goer when it's like 100 degrees, but I was given the opportunity at the last minute to chaperone a group of teenage girls. And no, I did not mention any of the above to them.

I just danced my ass off and sang and even shed a tear or six because I'm a big dork.

And then I went home, alone, and masturbated like the sex fiend I am... lol!
That's it for the big excitement in my real life.

In Second Life, though... I've had a string of fucking amazing luck hooking up with some of the most sensual, kinky, handsome dirty men in Second Life.

knocks on wood

I don't want to spoil this run of fun.

Where are the pictures, you ask? Hidden in folders to never be seen by anyone other than me and them. Why? Er... different reasons.

Some are partnered, and yes, they're also swingers but have rules about public photographs, and I totally respect that even though I've got some fucking hot pictures I'd love to share.

Some I'm just not ready to go public with yet, for various reasons, the least of which is that I'm sort of in a "it's nobody else's business" kind of place.
Too hot... must get in the water...
I'm having a really good time, though. A REALLY good time. Orgasms out the wazoo... lol. 

So yay me!

There's nothing serious there with any of them. I'm a bit gun shy about getting gushy and lovey-dovey with anyone after my last clusterfuck of a relationship. 

Does it get lonely sometimes? Yep. But I'm also not getting my heart damaged, so that's cool. 

Fucking hell, it's hot. Even the water isn't cooling me off. Quite the opposite, in fact.

See, when it gets hot like this, I bitch and complain about the heat... but I fucking love it. The heat and the humidity just go right to my crotch and make me want to fuck like I'm a jungle beast in heat.

So even though my skin is flushed, and I can't find a comfortable position even in this nice cool water, I'm aroused as all hell.

No surprise there, right?
I find myself kneeling in the cool sand with the water sloshing around me... the salt filled sea breeze awakening every one of my senses... I can smell it, feel it, hear the waves lapping against the shore.

So easy to just push my wet panties to the side and touch myself. The wetness I feel isn't only from the sea water. It brushes against my clit just as my fingers do.

Goosebumps on my skin, even in this oppressive heat. Nipples peaked and swollen... aching.
It doesn't take long... it rarely takes me long to reach that point. My toes curling in the sand, my fingers dipping inside my tight pussy, rubbing that spot that makes me spurt... my palm pressed to my clit rubbing tight little circles on that swollen little nub.

I think about my lovers, these men that make me melt for them. The ways they touch me, taste me... the ways they fuck me, and I cum.
I cum so hard, from so deep inside... the heat spreads through my entire body, making me arch and shudder and spurt. I love the creaminess of it... love the taste of it when I bring my fingers to my lips and taste myself.

I collapse into the shallow water, my face just barely above the calm... thighs spread wide, exposed, open... an offering to the night.
Stretching, momentarily sated but knowing the heat is just barely held at bay... I need more. I always need more. Crave more. The men, my lovers... their thick, heavy cocks.

Just floating on the waves, the little quakes still rocking in my pussy... drifting on the bliss of it all.
Stripping my sodden clothing and tossing it in a wet heap onto the sand... free now. Wet, shaking slightly... but oh-so relaxed. Tracing my body with my fingertips...

Ecstasy... never far from reach.
The world would be a much nicer place, I believe, if we all had more orgasms. It doesn't matter if they're shared with lovers, or alone. My hands know my body better than anyone, and I bet yours do, too. Know your body, that is.

Go ahead... reach down there and touch whatever you find. A cock? A pussy? No matter... just touch. Grip, rub, stroke, finger... let it carry you away. Do it for me, and perhaps next time we'll do it together.

Let yourself cum... do it for me.
And then whisper in my ear... tell me how you touched yourself, how it felt... tell me the thoughts in your head, and about the mess you made. Tell me about how you felt after you came. Tell me how much you want to cum with me next time. Share with me. Cum with me. Cum for me.

Recent Posts