Monday, August 22, 2016

Because I'm Happy

There is a thing we must learn to do when we become adults. It sucks, and even after 46 (almost 47!) years, I'm still learning, as I'm sure we all are. Because it sucks, but it's part of life.

What is it that I'm talking about? 
Living with disappointment.

No one likes it, and we all wish we could always get our way but that's just not how things work.
Am I dealing with disappointment right now? No, not me. I'm... ecstatic. Life is pretty great for me at the moment... knock on wood!

Shit, I just jinxed it, didn't I?

spits, turns in a circle three times, slaughters a chicken... and fries that bitch!

Okay, now that I've fixed THAT damage... lol.
There are some people who are disappointed in the turn my Second Life has taken. When I met Michael, I had a nice little... er, stable... of lovers. And some of them aren't a bit happy that I've become, for the most part, for right now, monogamous all the sudden.

I get that, but I didn't do it on purpose... I never set out to upset anyone. And hell, none of them were happy enough to just be with me. They loved it that I was perfectly fine with them going out and fucking whoever... just as they were fine with me going out and fucking whoever.
The trouble starts when I'm out fucking whoever and find someone I want more than any of them. Someone I'm willing... nay, happy... to close my legs to other men for.

Well... as Beyonce says... "If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it".

Or something like that. Not an actual ring, mind you. but you know what I mean.
So there are some people living with disappointment right now.

Some of them even told me how disappointed they are in me. And THAT is something I have a very visceral reaction to.

I fucking hate it when people tell me that. Why? Because what it's really saying is "I'm disappointed that you're not behaving the way I think you should behave."

And I will react badly when someone says that to me.
Do I wish everyone in the world would behave the way I think they should? Yep, of course. Do I expect it? No, of course not.

And most importantly, do I go around telling people I'm disappointed in them? No. No, I don't. What purpose does that serve? If I'm disappointed in someone, or something, that's on me. I'm the one and only person who is responsible for that feeling.
There are several things that can happen when you tell someone you're disappointed in them, and none of them are good.

First, like me, they're probably going to bristle and get their back up. Fight or flight is going to kick in. They'll say "fine" and mute/block and you'll never hear or see from them again. Or they're going to tell you, in no uncertain terms, where you can stick your disappointment.

Secondly, they're possibly going to try to appease you. Try to be what it is you want them to be... and it's not going to work.
We'll either end up miserable, and making you miserable, because we're pretending to be something we're not. No one is going to end up happy in that situation.

And in the end, you're going to end up doubly disappointed.
But I'm not telling anyone anything they don't already know.

I'm happy. I like where I am right now and who I'm with. I like how my time in SL is spent and who I'm spending it with.
And though I'm sorry that disappoints some people... I'm not changing anything. This is my down time... my entertainment time. My time where I'm responsible to no one other than myself.

I have enough responsibilities in the real world.

In SL, I'm responsible for paying my tier and that's about it as far as how it relates to other people. I owe someone a payment so I can have my land, but that's about all I owe anyone.
Friends don't have to talk every day, or even every week or month. There is nothing in the rule book that says how much contact is required between friends.

Because there is no rule book.
And if anyone thinks I'm going to follow any imaginary rule book other than my own, they're going to be disappointed in me.
And that's their fault, not mine. 

Lastly, I want to talk about this t-shirt I'm wearing! OMG! This has been available for Maitreya and Slink, but it's now also available for Belleza! I was given a sneak peek earlier today... I don't blog clothing, and they didn't ask me to blog about this, but I LOVE IT SO MUCH I WANT TO SHARE IT WITH EVERYONE! Go, get it, beg them to make more stuffs for Belleza! Because this little t-shirt is sexy as fuck! It's made by Steelhead... clicky-click click to see it on the MP!

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Date Night

Uh oh, we got a couple of badasses up in here!
It's been a long time since I had a fella who actually took me out for dates.

This guy, though... he took me on a fabulous date last night! He picked me up in his plane...
My Captain for the evening.
Gorgeous, ain't he?

I've always wanted to go flying in SL. I bought Hugh a plane one time but he didn't really take to it. Michael is a pretty damn good pilot, though. He took me to Second Norway and St. Martins.
NOW you mention the flight insurance?!
I loved it. We had so much fun!

I barely worried about my safety at all!
That is, until he decided to land at St. Martin with it's curved runway. I just knew we were going to die... but this guy? No, he handled it like a pro!
Just look at the concentration on his face! 
Okay, so the landing was a little bit rough. I handled it just fine but the pilot needed a stiff drink afterwards. He was just a tiny bit shaken up.

But then, after he'd pulled himself together again... 
We made a quick change and he took me dancing and romancing. I even got a song dedication!

Which I missed, because my dumb ass took off to give the cats some nip... but I made it back for the majority of our song. 
What an amazing night with this incredible man. I am just so ass-over-teacups with this guy. So unexpected and so completely wonderful. He's my bliss. And I am so fucking lucky.
Flying, dancing, then back to my place for a little private nookie before we curled up together and fell asleep. It was a perfect night, with the perfect man.

Oh, and here's the obligatory disclaimer: Michael B. Overland has the biggest, most massive, juiciest, thickest, most delicious cock ever in the history of all cocks ever through space and time. 

No, he didn't make me say that, I swear*.

*fingers crossed behind my back 

Thursday, August 18, 2016


Well, hell, you guys.

Look what's happened!
His name is Michael... and OH MY GOD.

I had quit looking. Really. I had those three guys and decided that it just wasn't in the cards for me to have ONE again. You know I looked... hell, I built ruined as a place to hopefully find new guys and hopefully fall in love.

And I did... with someone I couldn't have. And fuck, I just resigned myself to sharing. I would always be second, or even third, so if that was the case, I was going to have two or three or four, or however many it took to not make me feel lonely.

And I loved them all... still do. These amazing men that came into my life will always have a place in my heart. Especially Hugh. Always Hugh. There will never be a day I don't love him.
But now... well, damn, people. I was out there playing it fast and loose. Hell, I even whored myself out once. (Just once, I don't see that ever really happening again, I don't think. Never say never, right?)

And I found a new beach to play at, and the first time I went, I had such a good time with not one, but two delightful new lovers I met there. So I went back, and then went back again, and a few more times even.

And then this guy IMed me. Michael. He was familiar to me, as we follow each other on Flickr. And, boy-howdy, did we have a good time together.
So good that I wanted him again. And then again after that. And more. All the men, all the lovers... and suddenly there was something about this guy. This dude I met on a beach. I wanted to be with him, and nobody but him.

Uh oh, right? I've been there before. I fall ass-over-teacups at the drop of a hat. It's like I'm addicted to falling in love.
So what makes this different? I don't know. Or, I do, but it's almost indefinable. And it's a million things.

I could list them all, but that feels... cheap to me. Like I had a checklist of things I wanted in a man and went looking to tick off the boxes. And that's not how it is.

He's not playing at anything. Not trying to rack up notches on his belt. He's just this extremely normal guy. He's comfortable, with himself and to me. He's got his shit together. This is a grown-up, mature, confident but not arrogant, man.
Dat face.
Christ, he's funny. Goofy as fuck. I love that. I love being able to just be the dork I am with him. Or the sex goddess... or any of the other parts of me. He likes me, to quote Mr. Darcy, just as I am. He laughs with me and then makes me orgasm like it's my first time experiencing bliss.

He sends me links to statues of Donald Trump with a micro-penis AND to scientific papers about black holes. He's smart as fuck... and smart enough to be able to admit when he doesn't know something.
He's as content with me while we're taking goofy photos of him in a Big Foot avatar as he is right after he's cum inside me. I'm enough for him. He's not out there looking to get his dick wet just to get his dick wet if I'm not around.

His Second Life isn't all sex clubs and banging. He builds things and makes sets and takes amazing photos and has his own gallery and learns things and sails and has actual interests.

And... now he's mine. And I'm his.

And it's fun. Erotic. Goofy. Sensual. Dorky. Filthy. Nerdy. Wonderful fun.
It's easy. It's comfortable, and comforting. He feels safe... at the end of a long stressful day, he's who I want to talk to, who I want to see. And who I want to be there for, too.

As I write this, we're both in SL, but not. We're lying in a hot tub cuddling and he's off doing some RL things and I'm writing this and we're together but not and it's lovely. Just to be able to switch screens, and see him there, and know that he's enjoying the comfort of knowing I'm there, too, while we're both taking care of other things.

And when we finish those things, we'll... do things. Our things. Talking, laughing, dancing, fucking, whatever. And it'll be fun and easy and drama-free, and later we'll both go to sleep with smiles on our faces.
So what's it all mean? I don't know. We met like a week ago. A week ago?! No... time flies! I just opened our chat transcripts and it's been over two weeks now... lol.

It feels like I just met him, and like I've known him forever.

We haven't said those words yet. Haven't needed to. Haven't felt the urge to rush into labeling it and marking it. It feels too good to worry about those things now. If it's meant to happen, it will.
I'm in a good place. We're in a good place. And we're setting into something that we're both enjoying the hell out of.
And he told me to be sure and mention his penis and his huge tongue when I asked if I could blog about him. RAWR!

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Today, I became a hooker.

Yes, you read that correctly.
I took money for sex today.

I've posted about this guy before. The one who posts in group chats that he wants to take a woman shopping.

I'm really not interested in shopping with anyone... I do that quite well on my own, but every once in a while, this guy offers up a couple thousand lindens for sex without shopping. And today I took him up on it. He wanted a woman to have sex with him in front of a (female) friend of his. I had some time today, and payday isn't until Thursday and I blew my weekly linden allotment on mesh heads and the accouterments that go along with them.
He posted the offer, I asked how much and for how long (L$2,000 for 15-20 minutes) and before the the bullies in the group chat had stopped making fun of him, I was giving him head. He stuck to his word... I was only with him for about 20 minutes, and he paid me up front.

Was I faking it? Of course I was. He barely spoke. He worked the animations while I gave him the best 20 minutes of typing I could. I think he and his friend both enjoyed it. They were both polite, got what they wanted, and I TPed away with a pocket full of lindens.
Would I do it again? For that price and that short amount of time? Hell yes, I would. I think it's clear to anyone who reads this blog that I love to write. I spent less time with him than I have working on this post so typing up a short little sex scene on the fly is nothing.

I honestly felt a little guilty faking it, but with my hands on the keyboard the entire time, I really didn't have much choice. And he wasn't paying for me to have an orgasm anyway... It was for him. Well, him and his girl.
So, yeah... today I became a hooker. And I may do it again sometime. I have no regrets, no shame about what I did. Isn't that part of the beauty of Second Life? We can be or do anything we want. Today I got to play call girl. It was something different, and though I wouldn't necessarily say it was fun, it wasn't nearly as boring as standing around doing nothing for 20 minutes.
Let the haters hate and the bullies... er, bull?... Makes no never mind to me. I'm living my best Second Life, and this guy is living his best Second Life. Can the people who spend their time being big meanies say the same? Is that really their best Second Life?

If it is, they're the ones who need pity.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Well... I did it.

I broke down and bought a damn mesh head.

And I might hate it. Or I might love it.

I'm curious as to what you fine folks think. I know I'm so used to seeing myself that I can't be impartial.

So here is normal me.
 And here is Catwa me.
Honestly, I think it looks gorgeous... but dead. No expression. The eyes have no spark, there is no smile. The animation smile is too big and cheesy for wearing all the time. I think that's what I like least about this whole mesh head thing... not being able to turn my lips up a little bit so I don't look like I hate the world all the time. 

I went with a YS&YS skin applier. I thought they looked a little more mature than some of the others I looked at. Any suggestions for other appliers I should look at? Anything with more eye crinkles or a happier mouth or something? Also, my Belleza skin has lovely little dimples above the ass... this one doesn't and I miss that, too. 

Here's the side by side comparison. 
What do you kids think? Keep it, ditch it? Keep looking for some other mesh head? I'm really torn.

Also, if I do buy another Catwa basic head, do the HUDs work with any of them? I bought the fatpack with this one and I don't especially want to buy more fatpacks if I just want a different head.

Edit: I went with a different applier... It's growing on me. Maybe. 

Which me should I go with?

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