Finding the Niche

Holy shit, I have a club.

Since I decided to open a club, I've been doing a lot of thinking about my reasoning. What is going to set [ruined] apart from the elebenty bazillion other places in Second Life to fuck? What is it, exactly, that I've found lacking? I've babbled my way back and forth and the easy answer is that I'm tired of going to adult places and finding people doing nothing but standing around.

There is a more difficult answer, though. More complex. The problem I'm trying to solve in my own feeble way is more than just Second Life... it's an issue that is still, in 2016, far too pervasive in our society. And I'm harboring no delusions that my little club is going to make one whit of difference when it comes right down to it, but I've got to do something.

It's that damn double standard. Men can fuck around and no one blinks an eye but if a woman does, she's a whore. And today's college social justice warrior feminists will lay 100% of the blame for that at men's feet. It's the patriarchy, you guys!

Lots of places to sit... and if you can sit on it, chances are you can fuck on it, too.

No. No, it isn't. Men get away with having those attitudes because women allow it. Oh, it's all good and fine in theory for men and women to be equal but the expectation is that men will learn to keep their filthy cocks in their pants and behave. Because finding enjoyment in sex is dirty and wanting to have sex outside of a relationship is wrong.

Why? Why is that? Why does sex have to have meaning outside of wanting to orgasm? It doesn't. And wanting that doesn't make anyone wrong or dirty or immoral or slutty. We're animals. Fucking animals. Literally. Sex feels good. It's good for us, it's healthy. It's beautiful.

I can't change anyone's mind, though, if they believe it's something else. And that's okay, but it's not in line with my way of thinking or the way I live my life. There are people who will never believe any differently, but... they can't come to my club.

I'm taking a stand here. For equality. There will be no patriarchy, or matriarchy either, for that matter, at [ruined]. There will be people, women and men, human beings, who love sex and understand that it's not always about love, or procreation. Sometimes sex is just about "holy shit, that feels amazing."

Testing the dance floor.

This is a club for women. Sexual, intelligent, funny women. Women who aren't intimidated or afraid of their sexual urges... and their desire to sate them. They aren't women who are ashamed of who they are. They embrace it.

Equally important to these women, though, are the men who rejoice in them. Men who find their open sexuality intoxicating and want to be around these women who won't be pigeon-holed into what society thinks our roles should be, and who won't give the time of day to any man or woman who tries to tell them their behavior is wrong.

Women don't have to degrade or demean themselves. They don't have to act bubble-headed. They can be powerful AND submissive. They can love men for everything they are... and worship that cock that is the embodiment of their masculinity without being simpering little yes-girls.

Relaxing on the bar.

If I want to strip naked in front of a room full of people and suck cock, I'm going to do it. If I want to lie in the middle of the floor and run a train with every man in the room, that's my prerogative. If I want to bury my face between another woman's thighs, that's my choice. No one is going to force anything on me, nothing is to be expected of me. I make my decisions. And more than that, I like me. It's not a role I'm playing, it's who I am and I think I'm kind of awesome and I don't need to perform for anyone.

Does that mean I'm a whore? Nope. Does it mean I have some sort of daddy issues, or other issues that I need (god, I hate this word but...) mansplained to me? No, not in the slightest.

I need a spanker before I can properly evaluate the spanking bench.

It means I'm aroused and want to have some orgasms, simple as that. And I want to be surrounded by people who feel the same way, who understand that very simple complexity. Women who embrace that side of themselves... and understand that it's only one side of their convoluted wonderfulness. And men who think that it's just the most fabulous thing ever.

Confident. Strong. Intelligent. Goofy. Funny. Aroused.

These aren't words that describe a specific gender. Each of us has these traits inside of us, along with thousands of others.

Getting close... need more plants, art, landscaping.
Oh, and a round platform bed with more than MF animations.

I know damn good and well you women and men are out there. I know some of you, and I know there are more of you that I haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet. I've been fortunate enough to be involved with some incredible men who think I'm the bomb-diggity for the way I embrace and celebrate my sexual urges. It absolutely tickles them pink and they'd never think to make me feel bad about it. They encourage and support and understand that I'm all that (my sexuality) and a bag of chips (the mosaic of me).

Those are the people I want at [ruined]. I've got a handful of them that have contacted me so far, both men and women, and I couldn't be more excited about it.

Does any of this describe you? If it does, please join me at [ruined] when it opens. Comment below, send me a notecard in-world (please no IMs... I'm trying to keep a list of people to invite and notecards are just easier) or email me at bethmacbain@gmail.com.

I can't wait to meet you! And yeah... I want to fuck you as well. ;-)

Come get [ruined] with me.

My office... so I can sit and watch all you pervs. Just kidding... you can fuck on this, too.
I plan to be a participant, not a watcher.

A Minor Setback

grumble

I've had to move the club.

God damn it.

Oh, I'll take partial responsibility... I shouldn't have rented land next to the ugly ass monstrosity that I did.

But I read the covenant closely and what I objected to was most definitely against the rules. Shit like this...

Yes, those are full bright flat prim palm trees on the border of the land. 

Who the ever loving fuck thinks those fucking things look good?! Seriously??

I asked that they be removed. Or made transparent. Or, at the very least, have the full bright turned off.

But nooooooooooo... the estate owner gave me this bullshit about "oh, gee, it's a shame everyone doesn't follow all the rules! Oh well! Maybe you can block it with some trees or something".

How about no? How about I don't want to waste my prims by building a fucking forest to block the eyesore next door? How about fuck you? Does that work?

I should have pulled up stakes then, but I didn't. 

But then came the sound bullshit. This club had a media player that continuously looped a video called "Habibi, I Love You" by Ahmed Chawki featuring fucking Pitbull. How bad is this song? 

Listen for yourself...

 

It's fucking awful. And for some reason it bled over onto my land. And every fucking time I landed I heard this bullshit. 

In fairness, it might have been my fault. I had my roll-off set fairly high but still... it was on the fucking parcel next door. Others that I had check couldn't hear it, so it might have just been me. I had to blacklist the media player and it finally stopped, but not thanks to any help or knowledge from the estate owner about issues like this. And when I IMed the club owner trying to talk to him/her about it? Oh, they ignored me. They're French so they may not have spoken any English, but a "Je suis désolé, je ne parle pas l'anglais" would have been just fine. 

But nooooooooo... they ignored me. Mind you, I have nothing against the beautiful country of France or its fabulous citizens, but these cocksuckers were very poor representatives of their nation. Jackasses.

Okay, two strikes... 

The straw that broke the proverbial camel's back though?

LOOK AT THIS SHIT! 

I came home last night to find that the fuckers next door put up this giant ass stretched wall. 

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIT?

Silly me... I thought surely the estate owner would do something now. I mean, look at that bullshit! How god damn childish can you be? 

The estate owner assured me that she would be "investigating". Investigating what? I sent her the same photo you see above. And then followed 24 hours of radio silence. No resolution, no "we're working on it", nothing. 

No. 

Nope, I'm done. Fuck those French fuckers and their tacky shit-show of a club and fuck the estate manager for not enforcing the rules SHE FUCKING MADE. Fuck every bit of that bullshit right in the fucking ass with no fucking lube. 

Fucking fuckers. 

So I found a new spot. With a reputable land broker. Same size plot, same number of prims AND a little less expensive. 

But now I'm back to having a big empty club... It won't take long to get everything back in place, but it's frustrating as fuck. 

So, yeah... minor setback. 

But only minor. 

I might have just broken a personal record for number of f-bombs dropped in a single post. Go me!

A bit more about my new venture...

Hello, my fabulous people! First off, thank you all so, so much for your interest and encouragement about this little club I'm opening. I still don't have an opening date... It probably won't be for closer to another month because I'm taking my time to get it looking just the way I want it. 

Erick stopped by to make sure the bathroom was in working order.

I've had a lot of questions, though, so I thought I'd just post the notecard I've been working on that contains my vision and the rules, etc. Hopefully this will help clear up some of the questions I've been getting...

WHY [ruined]?

The name started as a joke. In one of our first conversations, Erick told me he was going to ruin me sexually, and he did. When I confessed to him that he'd ruined me, we laughed about how that would be a great name for a club. When I decided to move ahead with this project, that was the natural name. 

Because that's what I want our members to be... absolutely ruined by earth-shattering orgasms when they leave. Weak-kneed and fuck-brained and spent.

But why am I opening a club for this? 

For as long as I've been in Second Life, I've been searching for a certain type of place. I've had a vision in my mind for so long, yet I've never found it. In a fit of frustration, I finally came to the decision to make my own place, and hopefully will be able to shape it into the environment I've found missing - with your help.

What is that vision? A warm, welcoming, intimate club for adults. Somewhere to gather with other intelligent, funny, adult, sexy humans for conversation and sex. 

Yes, sex. Because that is [ruined]'s primary purpose. If you're not interested in tossing your clothes and getting your sex on, in public, then this isn't the place for you.

That may sound a little harsh but... I've seen it happen in too many other adult venues. Lots of people, no one talking, no one having sex. It feels cold and unwelcoming... and if anyone does decide to engage in sexual activities, they are mocked and shamed, publicly and privately.  

There will be no shame here. No pointing fingers, no catty whispers. This is about creating a safe and welcoming place for mature people to have adult fun and candid sexual conversation.

And by joining [ruined], you agree to share this vision with me.

Yep... the sink works well...

MEMBERSHIP

Again, let's be clear - if you come to [ruined], you're coming here to have sex. Or meet someone to have sex with, preferably at [ruined] because we're all kinda voyeurs. Yes, you're welcome to come hang out, too, but I expect that when you're here, you'll be involved. Conversation... not just standing in the center of the room looking gorgeous.

I have no desire to compete with any of the larger adult establishments in Second Life. [ruined] is intimate. It's one building. There will be no scheduled events. I'd rather have a small group of great members than 1,000 members who never visit and never participate.

As such, I'm keeping membership closed and would like for current members to recommend others. I'm not listing it in search, I'm not going to advertise.

Invite friends that you know will share in the vision of [ruined] and let's make this place something special. 

RULES

Yes, I have a bunch of them. Many of them may not be necessary... we'll see. I'm just trying to outline what I want the club to be, if at all possible, and the type of members I'd like to see. 

1. Absolutely no age play and no child avatars, no exceptions. Final judgment is mine, end of story. If I find your appearance or behavior questionable, you're out. And if it's blatant, you bet your ass I will be reporting you to Linden Labs.

2. This is a human only club. No furries, no bloodlines, none of that. Adult humans only*.

3. Respect is paramount. I expect all members to feel welcome, and be welcomed. All are to be treated with kindness and respect. I shouldn't have to state this in this day and age, but [ruined] is absolutely LGBT friendly. I'm afraid there won't be much gender-specific furniture for you to play on [check the desk in the office], but I promise you will be welcome here.

4. No means no. Period. And no one owes anyone an explanation. Just be nice about it.

5. No bling. No facelights. No gestures. No talking body parts. No particle effects. No heavily-scripted items. No dripping cocks, boobs or noses. 

6. You must look good. Your avatar must be updated. Second Life is a very visual place and I expect that you will have your avatar all gussied up and meshed out. No helmet hair, long hair on men, no Flintstone feet. Your boobs shouldn't be bigger than your head. Your cock should not be as big as your thigh. Nor should it be orange. Again, my word is final here. If I don't think you're up to snuff... sorry, but you're out.

7. I hate leashes. You and your sub are absolutely welcome here, but leave the leash at home, please. Collars and cuffs are hunky-dory.

8. On the subject of BDSM - this is NOT a BDSM club. Yes, there will be some kinky stuff. A cage or two, spanking apparatus, some fun stuff to get tied up on. As one of the tenets of [ruined] is respect, I don't want humiliation and degradation in my club, at least not in local chat. Hey, if that's your kink, great! Go for it! But privately. I do not want to see any member being treated disrespectfully. A smack on the ass? Yes. A smack on the face? No.

9. Nudity is, of course, welcome during sex, but this isn't a nudist club. When not engaged in sexual activity, kindly wear something, even if it's just a robe. Lingerie is cool, boxers are great. I want you to be comfortable, but tasteful. For god's sake, no system clothing. 

10. I'm vehemently anti-gun, and that goes for Second Life, too. No weapons.

11. No escorting. Free love, yo.

12. Sorry, no voice. I find it distracting and it takes away from the atmosphere of the club.

13. Let's not call what we do here role-play. Let's just be ourselves and fuck each other silly. No reason to invent story lines.

14. About daddy doms and babygirls. I'm a bit conflicted on this one and I understand that this type of play means different things to different people. If the babygirl is clearly an adult, in appearance, name and demeanor, I'm fine with it at [ruined]. Keep the baby talk in private chat, please, though. In local chat I expect all members to behave their age... as adult, mature humans. I won't know what the line is until I see it crossed. Again my club, my rules. I'll figure it out as I go along.

15. No incest. It just squicks me out.

16. These rules may change at anytime because I'm fickle that way. In any dispute of any rule, my word is final.

*I reserve the right to allow Caity's elf ears.

TIPS

At this time, I'm choosing not to charge a membership fee, especially since I have no idea if this is going to work or not and I don't want to take your lindens and then shut down the club if it's a bust. 

There is a tip jar on the bar, though, and I would very much appreciate any help you want to toss my way to keep [ruined] up and running. Weekly tier is L$2,795/week and it would be nice to be able to buy some new adult furniture from time to time. Anything donated to the club will be spent on the club, whether through tier payments or items for the club. You have my word on that. I'm not in this to make a profit.

IN CLOSING

This is all new to me. I didn't put a ton of thought into doing this... I just barreled ahead. As such, I'm absolutely positive I'm going to make a shit-ton of mistakes. Please be patient with me as I learn the ropes of owning a club.

And I desperately need your suggestions and ideas. No idea is too silly, too ridiculous... please share them with me! I want this place to be yours as much as it is mine and together I truly believe we can make [ruined] someplace special!

So... thank you and welcome to [ruined]!

And that's it. I hope this clarifies some things. And again, if you're interested in being a charter member, please contact me. I prefer email... bethmacbain@gmail.com... but you can also send me a notecard in Second Life or comment here. You can also reach me on Flickr.

Thank you so much... and I can't wait to get [ruined] up and running!

Sometimes If You Want Something Done...

You gotta do it yourself.

I'm working on a little project, you guys!

Yep, I'm opening up my own place. For sex. Public sex.

I have no idea when it'll be open... I'm taking my time putting it together. Could be a week or a month.

It's small... I have no desire to compete with any of the large adult establishments. They're already done brilliantly and beautifully. But this place won't have any events, nothing like that. It's just a small warehouse. More of just a hang-out really... though, not the type of hang-out where people just stand around staring at each other. Hang out, participate in conversation, laugh... and fuck. It'll be cozy, intimate and welcoming. A bar, a few comfy chairs and couches, some tasteful BDSM apparatus, a small dance floor. Something outside because I have a big plot of land (I wanted the prims!) though it's not entirely decided what yet.

No poseballs, no neon, no flashing tacky crap. I want it to be like a big cozy living room. Or the neighborhood bar... where you happen to have lots of great sex.

And, yes, I'll keep it discreet. I'm not going to be snapping photos of people in flagrante delicto and posting them all over this blog and Flickr. Members will be known only to other members, without judgement, because we're all there for the same thing. And if I catch wind of any "oh my god, I saw so-and-so and such-and-such having sex at... blah, blah, blah", the blabbermouths will be kicked out and banned.

I like to swing... You should, too, if you want to be a member.

I've never owned a club before and I know I'm going to make a zillion mistakes, but I'm going to be pretty tough when it comes to activity in the club. And I'm going to be tough on who gets in, too. The number one rule is that members must be open to engaging in sexual activity in public. No, more than open to it... excited and enthusiastic about it. And human. Adult, of course. And, yeah, you're going to have to look good, too, because sex.

And, yes, looking good is subjective. I'll try to keep in mind that not everyone has the same taste as me, but... no Flintstone feet, no helmet hair, no long hair on men, no system clothes... you know the drill.

Membership will be closed, and free at least in the beginning (there's a tip jar on the bar)... I want this to spread by word of mouth, and on recommendations of others. I'm not listing it in search, won't be advertising it all over. I'd rather have 50 interactive members than 30,000 who don't do anything.

And none of this means that everyone will be expected to have sex with everyone else. No still means no. Not everyone will be attracted to everyone else.

I have no idea if this is going to work or not. It's entirely possible that I'm the only person in SL that is interested in this. I honestly don't know. I hope I'm not. I'd really like it to succeed in being a small place where awesome people can gather and be naughty without judgement.

If you'd like to be a charter member, please let me know! You can comment here, send me a notecard in Second Life, or drop me an email at bethmacbain@gmail.com. I'm not quite ready to start adding members yet, but I hope to soon. I have the beginnings of a notecard with rules and all that stuff on it, if interested.

Still lots of work to do!

Oh hell... I've said it out loud now. There's no going back!

I'm so excited!

Pink Stars and Bumping Photos

Your photo is beautiful. Really stunning. A truly ace example of a Second Life screen capture.

Thank you for posting it on Flickr. I enjoy following you and seeing your work.

... six hours later ... 

Oh... I think I've seen this photo before. Yes, there's the little pink star I gave it so why is it showing up in my feed again?

What's that? You changed the date/time stamp so it would be moved up in my feed? You wanted to make sure every one of your followers in every time zone saw it?

Well then... fuck you.

You didn't get enough pink stars the first time around to satisfy your ego so you're forcing it on us again. THAT is what you're doing.

That is why you're following 3,000 people but rarely take the time to star any photos other than the first few at the top of your feed. You don't give a single solitary shit about the photos of the people you follow... you only want them to follow you back and give you your precious pink star.

You've created a feed for yourself that is simply too voluminous to actually go through. If a photo doesn't appear at the very top of your feed, you don't see it because it's not possible to go through every photo of every single person you follow.

Guess what? I do. I scroll through my entire feed. And so do many others, which is why this topic comes up on Flickr time and time again. Why follow someone if you have no desire to see their work?

And when you post your photo, and then bump it, you are cluttering my feed and making it take longer to go through. And because of that, I'm not able to give everyone's work the consideration it deserves. My time has value, but I believe it's important enough to take that time to see the stunning photographs people create in Second Life.

How selfish of you. Seriously, it's selfish. Completely unnecessary. Arrogant, thoughtless, narcissistic, and utterly hoggish.

I can unfollow you, yes. But I don't want to because I truly do like your photos and I truly do want to see them. But once is enough... and if it isn't, I'm perfectly capable of looking at your photostream to enjoy it again. I want to give you the pink star your photo deserves, but when I see it over and over again... well, your photo loses value.

My opinion of you is also diminished. Maybe you don't care? Is a pink star really worth more than that? Or 200 pink stars? 300? What is the price of your ego?

If you're guilty of this, and have such a huge list of people you're following that you can't take the time to go through them all... maybe, just maybe, it's time to unfollow some people. Try following only the people whose work you truly do enjoy and show them the appreciation they deserve, as you hope they'll do your work.

And when you get that down to a manageable amount of people, perhaps you'll see how utterly unnecessary it is to keep bumping your own photos. And how absolutely annoying it is to keep seeing the same photos over and over, even if it's the very best photo you've ever seen.

I don't expect every single one of my 1,700 followers to give me a pink star on every photo. Not every photo is to everyone's tastes. And that's fine. But I have people who follow me who've never faved a single photo... I have my doubts they've even seen my photos because they don't actually look at their feed.

The most stars I've ever gotten on a photo is 63. That's 3.5% of the people who follow me... and that's my MOST popular photo. 700 people actually viewed it so 9% of those folks took the time to give it a pink star. I have many photos with no stars at all.. and that's okay. I'm not butt hurt about that.

I'm just baffled as to why so many people would bother to follow me, but seemingly don't like my photos.

That's not true... I do know why. It's because they want me to follow them, so I can give them their pink stars. It's all a game.

And one that I don't play... I don't automatically follow someone because they followed me. I take a look at their stream and see if their work appeals to me, and not all of it does. In the beginning, I did follow a ton of people. I thought it was the polite thing to do to follow them back.

And I ended up with a feed full of photos that I just didn't like. I had to do some trimming, and it wasn't easy because some of them are truly lovely people that I'm quite fond of, and who have always been just delightful to me.

Flickr, to me, isn't just about showing off my work. It's about seeing work from others, too.

Another thing I don't do, or rarely do, is give pink stars to designers. I follow them because I want to see what they're creating, and what events they're going to be in. Their reward is in the lindens they get when I go buy their stuff. I also don't mind designers bumping their photos a couple of times. I need that reminder that the new dress is available now and I need to go buy it. But those photos aren't about making great SL photos... they're advertising a product and I'm perfectly fine with that. They're sort of like commercials to me.

Anyway, this is a lot of hot air about something that annoys the fuck out of me, and a lot of other people. I've unfollowed some photographers whose work I truly adored just because they were cluttering my feed with the same photo over and over. And I think that's a shame.

What is the value in a pink star if someone is just scrolling and starring without actually taking a couple of seconds to actually look at the photo? Your hundreds of pink stars are meaningless. Wouldn't you rather have 20 pink stars from people who actually take the time to see what you've done?

No? Okay. That's certainly your prerogative. Just as it is mine to withhold the stars and unfollow you.

Update!

I'm okay, people, but thank you very much for your concern!

I got angry... and got over it pretty quickly. I had to trim some fat from my friend's list and let a couple of people know that their behavior wasn't welcome, and wouldn't be tolerated anymore, and that made me feel pretty good to do that.

And I've been doing a lot of thinking about how I present myself in SL. I know I go over-the-top about sex, both here and in SL. I do that for a reason... several reasons.

Firstly, because it is who I am in many ways. I love sex. I love being sexual. And I love very much to be open about it. I refuse to be ashamed of it.

And that leads to my second reason. I do it to encourage other women to be free to be who they want to be and not be shamed by it. I get so many comments and IMs and emails from women who say they wish they could be more like me. They can! You can!

This is Second Life. We're allowed to be whatever we wish to be. And it's safe, and relatively anonymous. Or as anonymous as you choose for it to be. We are sexual creatures. IF we want to be. No one should feel that they need to put it all out there if it isn't what they want, or are comfortable with, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with being open about your sexuality, whatever it may be. And Second Life is an amazing place to explore it.

Thirdly, and this is what tripped me up last week, men need to fucking stop slut-shaming. Women, too. This stupid habit that has been ingrained in all of us that it's okay to treat women who enjoy sex as whores has got to stop. As a matter of fact, we need to stop using those words as insults to anyone... slut, whore. "What a whore!" "She's acting like a total slut."

Fuck that.

And fuck you if you find nothing wrong with saying those things or having those thoughts.

Don't get me wrong... I'm guilty of it, too. I have to catch myself sometimes.

And I have the decency to feel bad when I do. And you should, too.

She, whoever she is, is a woman. A strong, fabulous, amazing woman. Not a whore, not a slut. A woman. And she should be celebrated.

Another thing... and not that there is anything wrong with it if I did... but I don't fuck my way through Second Life.

I have one lover right now. One.

Not to say I won't  have another by the time the night is over, but I don't juggle dozens of men or have (a lot of) one night stands. As a matter of fact, it's pretty damn rare.

If I'm fucking you, you are on a very short list of men that meet my standards. Don't want anyone to know you're sticking your dick it me? Tough shit. You should be screaming it from the mountain tops because my standards are high as fuck and you passed all the tests.

That's not to say I'm going to photograph or blog about every sexual encounter I have. I don't. Far from it. But if you're ashamed of fucking me? Want to keep it - me - on the down-low? Nope. And you don't ever get to fuck me again.

Sorry, I'm going off on a tangent again. But if you're ashamed, or embarrassed, or repulsed by my attitude towards sex, just... do me a favor and stay away from me, okay? I won't get in your way if you don't get in mine.

But back to my original topic, I'm really fine. The chastity belt lasted for about a minute. I'm too in love with myself to let others bring me down for too long.

grins

Whore no More?

I suppose it was bound to happen eventually. 

It's become clear to me of late that my sexuality... or my very open, straight-forward sexuality... is a double-edged sword. 

Because men can't handle it. Or don't know how to handle it. Or they're still neanderthals locked in out-dated societal norms. 

It's just too much for their little brains to comprehend that a woman who embraces her sexuality is also a million other things. Sex isn't all I have to offer. 

And I'll be no one's dirty little secret. 

A strongly sexual woman scares men. As much as they pretend to be enlightened, when push comes to shove, it freaks them the fuck out. It doesn't fit into any of the little boxes they've created for women and they don't know how to handle that. 

See that photo up there? That's my new chastity belt. I put it on myself, and I'm the one holding the key. I won't be taking it off until the men in my life learn to appreciate the woman within. 

And fucking respect her. Me. 

I'm not a whore, or a slut, or a bitch. And if I choose to get down on my knees and suck your cock or allow you to put it inside my body, it's not because you demanded it, or expected it, or thought you were owed anything - it's because you're god damned lucky. 

Because I'm fucking fabulous. As are all the other women you're lucky enough to have in  your lives. 

I love men. Don't get me wrong... I fucking adore them. Love them intensely. I crave being close to that... masculinity, that essence of maleness. 

And I love sex. It won't be easy for me to not show my appreciation of men through sex. 

The vast majority of men who approach me come equipped with lines like "I love your profile. I love how straight-forward and open you are." It's almost always some variation on that theme. 

I suppose it plays into the Madonna-Whore complex and the inability of men to understand that women can be, and are, both. They think they can, yes... but again, the reality seems to be that they can't. It just doesn't fit in any of those boxes. I have to be one or the other... and since I'm so sexually open, I have to go into the whore box. 

I deserve better than that. I demand better than that. 

This isn't directed at one man. I've encountered several men recently who have treated me like something to scrape off the bottom of their shoe. My overt attraction to them put me squarely in the whore box. They hang around adult places in Second Life, and pretend they aren't looking to get laid. Like they're above it... yet there they are, in Teqi's, the Chamber, Corruption, wherever... but they won't sully themselves with a dirty woman. 

What is that? I mean, seriously, what the fuck? Why are you there? 

Lest anyone think I'm just picking on the men, the women are just as guilty. There are plenty of ice cold women hanging out in these places, too, and god forbid a woman have sex with a man. Women will be the first to slap the whore label on another woman. And we're also the ones who let men get away with this atrocious behavior. It's so much fun to point fingers and say "Oh, I'd never behave that way! What a slut!" I hear the whispers, I feel the cold glares and derision. Ladies, that allows men to treat women like whores. Think you're not going to be the victim of it, too? Just wait... your turn will come and the fingers will be pointing at you. 

Oh, and I'm a glutton for punishment. The lower they make me feel, the less desired, the less worthy, because I'm just a dirty whore, the more I want to prove them wrong. The more I want to fuck them. And the reasoning behind it becomes very cold... it's not because I want to fuck them because of sexual desire, it's to prove to them that they are no better than me.

If I'm a dirty whore, so are the men who fuck me. 

It doesn't have to be that way, of course. Men could abandon that double-standard of it being perfectly reasonable, perfectly normal, for them to be sexual, but not for women. Men could embrace women who don't pretend that they don't like sex. Stop putting us in boxes, stop with the labels and assumptions, and for fuck's sake, stop treating us with disrespect because we want to fuck you. 

If we want to fuck you, that is. Because right now, I don't want to fuck any of you.

The key to that chastity belt is going to be safely hidden away until I feel respected again. Until I feel appreciated for all I am. 

And the way things are looking, that might be awhile. 

And I can already hear the arguments I'm going to receive on this post. It's my own fault, right? Act like a whore, get treated like a whore?

Yeah, I'm not having that. It's the double-standard, and I'm just not having it. You don't want to be open with your sexuality? That's fine. That is absolutely your prerogative and I will not demean you for it. If that's the choice you make, great! And I mean that. But don't you dare show me any less respect because I choose to be something different, to express myself differently. 

But let me ask you this... If you choose to keep your sexuality under wraps, why are you hanging out in adult places? Where every piece of furniture has adult animations? Places that are advertised as "a secret sex themed society" or "a rich, decadent environment, uniquely themed to lower inhibitions and indulge your secret fantasies" or "an upscale adult lounge for people who want to explore the sensual lifestyle" or the keywords are things like "cock, sex, fuck, cuckold, pussy, blowjob, cum, orgy, BDSM, RLV, +18, daddy/babygirl, porn, master, mistress, submissive, slave, swingers, poly, and erotic", hmm?

Do you want people to think you're a sexually enlightened human without actually being one? Would like to appear to be, but in reality are judging others for actually indulging? Because they're something you wish you could be? You want to be associated with the sexual side of Second Life, yet hold yourself above the rest by saying you're choosy or picky and think that makes you special or different? Do you get off on looking down on others from your lofty perch? 

Okay, enough of this rant. I'm currently encased in a big block of ice and feeling as frigid as Antarctica and pointing fingers like I'm accusing others of doing. 

Shame on me for letting it get to me. Shame on me for allowing any of you to make me feel this way. I'm the one who controls me, and my emotions - and how I choose to deal with them. 

Chances are I won't end up being too proud of this blog post but I needed to get it out in order for me to start chipping away at this ice. 

Because I don't like this chastity belt and I don't like me right now. 

A Stand for Hope

Today, Caitlin Tobias invited me to the opening of the 2016 Relay for Life photography exhibition, Hope, as the theme for this year's Second Life Relay for Life is A Stand for Hope.

Twenty-one amazing photographers photographing 21 amazing cancer survivors and caregivers. Please visit... and don't only take in the amazing photos. Read the stories by clicking the kiosks by each set of photos. I did. I cried. Lots.

You see, we're fast approaching April 22.

That will be the date of the first anniversary of the death of my brother. My amazing brother. The best of all of us, taken far, far too soon by cancer. It also happens to be my mother's birthday - we lost her to cancer in 2008.

So this is a very bittersweet time for me. I refuse to dwell in the memories of the cancer invading, and taking, their lives. I have too many beautiful, funny memories of both of these brilliant people and I won't let the cancer corrupt those.

But, please, for me, for my mother and brother, and for all of the survivors and caregivers and those we've all lost, please take time to stop by the Hope exhibition, share in the stories... and yes, please make a donation. The American Cancer Society is a good organization, and worthy of your funds.

Thank you.

Eating My Words?

Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know. I've said it. Blogged about it. Gotten in fights about it.

Mesh heads.

I hate them.

Or do I?

Because I'm seriously considering purchasing one now. Maybe. Maybe.

Tonight I tried all the Catwa demos. I didn't like Gwen at all so it's not included here.

First I tried the newest one, Sarah...

I like this, but it reminds me of someone... I'm not sure who, but definitely not me. There is something here that's just not right, though. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's something with the eyes that I don't like. So, no, I don't think so.

Next I tried Annie... 

I do like this one... but again, there is something that doesn't feel right about it. I dunno. Maybe? She's pretty, right?

Finally, I tried Jessica... 

Oh, now this one, I like a lot. Out of all the heads, this one felt best to me. I know I can do a lot of customizing to age her (I hope... Are there wrinkle appliers available? I didn't find any on my first glance at the MP...). 

I wish the lips were wider. That's something I noticed on all the heads... the lips are very small. I'm not at all a fan of the pouty look that others love so much, but it's not so pronounced on Jessica. 

For comparison, here is me... 

Maybe my lips are crazy-wide and I just never realized it before? Like when I had the super short arms and never realized it? 

I've not made any decisions yet, but I'm strongly considering buying Jessica. I suppose I need to look closer at all the appliers for it. I know I don't want to switch skins... I love my Belleza skin and my Belleza body (release that fucking update already, Tricky!) and the only wrinkles I saw came with a skin and not separate, so those are out. 

Grrrrr... I just don't know! I really like the way I look now... but Jessica looks great, too. Let's face it... I want the expressions for photos. 

Huh... just tried the Jessica head demo with the demo skin with Catwa applier that Belleza has out right now for Mix... not bad.  

I AM SO TEMPTED.

Should I do it? I mean, if I do and end up hating it, I don't have to wear it, right? Or just wear it for photos? Those of you who've made the leap, is there anything that can be done to alter the shape of the face? Like my lips, or the really long nose? Can that be shortened? 

Opinions? Anyone? Bueller? 

HELP!

How Very Touching

I have absolutely nothing to blog about at the moment and feel no great urge to come up with a topic just to come up with a topic.

So here's me touching myself in lieu of words. 

Now if you'll excuse me, RL Beth is going to follow SL Beth's lead and let my fingers touch myself instead of the keyboard for a while.