Saturday, November 2, 2019

The Frustration

Yeah... so I guess I'm back, huh?
That was a super long break I took there, right? I really did intend to leave this blog behind, but it turns out I need it.

I have things I need to figure out. Stuff I need to get out of my head.
Am I happy? Yes, unquestionably. I'm in love as well. He's one of the few good ones.

The problem, however, is that the man has absolutely no interest in sex. None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. No passion. Nothing.
And this horny old broad desperately wants to have sex with him. I'm feeling all the passion for both of us. It's killing me. It. is. killing. me.

We cuddle. We snuggle. We kiss. I understand his reasons for his lack of interest, but that's not making it any easier because I cannot understand his steadfast determination to not want to try to fix the reasons.
I am absolutely frustrated beyond the telling of it.

And none of that changes the fact that I am absolutely head over heels in love with him. He's so perfect in every other way.

It's just this one damn thing.
It's usually the other way around, right? The woman is supposed to be the one who just wants to cuddle. This is all ass-backwards and I'm all discombobulated.

I've gone from a man who craved sex pretty much every second of every hour of every day to someone who I practically had to beg to start giving me kisses.

What the hell am I doing, you guys?
I am a sexual woman. I have sexual desires and needs and cravings and aches and wants galore.

It's something I've reveled in. It's something that almost broke me when it disappeared for a while because it's such a deep intrinsic part of who I am.

I'm only 50. I'm not ready to give up sex. I don't ever want to give up sex.
So what the ever-loving fuck am I supposed to do?

"Honey, I love you more than anything in the world, but I'm going to have to go out and get some cock."

I have no idea what his response would be to that. I already feel like he thinks I'm some sort of insane whore for the cravings I have. He's never said anything of the such, but... god.
It's about the sex, yes, but it's more than that. It's about the passion. That hunger two people feel for each other, that desire, that need to be inside each other.

Yes, I know it's Second Life and we're more than a thousand miles apart in the real world, but it's all we have for right now.

Passion and love go hand-in-hand for me. It's just beyond me how you can have one without the other.
Two people who are in love are supposed to want to make love.

Otherwise isn't it just a platonic friendship?

I want him. Without even trying, and he really doesn't try, I'm aroused by him. His other amazing qualities all combine into one man who I find insanely delicious.
He loves me - this I know. He needs what he gets from me. The companionship, the friendship, and yes, the physical contact when we meet every night to cuddle.

But what am I supposed to do about my needs? He would probably, if I asked, let me take liberties with his person while he reads a book or something, but what fun is that? Passion is a river that should run both directions meeting in a swirling vortex of sweaty bodies and tangled limbs. I have always fed off the pleasure of the man I'm with.

I can't feed off the pleasure when there is none there.
I can step back and let him know that if we aren't going to have sex, we can only be friends. I know that wouldn't work, though. I can't be just friends with him, and it would devastate me to lose him. I don't know what I would do without him in my world.

I look so forward to every second we have together, and then end up feeling empty.

This is unlike anything I've ever encountered before in Second Life.

I don't know what to do.
What the hell am I supposed to do?

Recent Posts