Something that you can't quite put your finger on, but something just feels off?
Nothing tragic, nothing earth-shattering... just ick all over the place. The work week went on forever, even though I was out of the office a good portion of it, shuttling my dad to a variety of doctor's appointments. And all of them went very well. He's healthy as a horse for an 86 year old.
And the work week ended well, too. It ended early, which is always a nice surprise from the boss on a Friday afternoon. And this morning I got a stellar annual review. Oh, and there's a raise coming soon, too.
We have a beautiful new baby in the family, and she's plump and healthy, as is Mom. My best friend is going through some pretty good stuff.
PMS, for certain. And maybe that's all it is. I hope that's all it is.
Oh, there was this one thing... I completed my bucket list. And I don't have a bucket list.
But there was this one thing... something I've been waiting to do for years and couldn't do until I was 45. And I did it Monday night. Something goofy, but it was terrifying and instead of feeling I'd accomplished something, I just felt... meh. And realized that this one thing I wanted to do was done.
So what next? I'm 45 and I've done all I want to do?
But it felt like I was giving and giving and giving... and you don't give with the expectation of getting something in return, but I felt that I wasn't important. My things weren't important to anyone but me, in the midst of making everyone else's things also important to me.
Sometimes I get tired of always putting others first, and not having anyone put me first. Family, friends, coworkers... I don't think I've had a single person ask me how I am this week.
That's a lonely and helpless feeling. At the end of the day, when everyone else is with their loved ones... I'm alone. I'm used to that... being alone. It's the life I've chosen, but I rarely feel alone and lonely.
I feel alone and lonely.