Sunday, July 19, 2020

It's not Black & White

This is going to be an odd sort of blog entry. It's about sex, with the dirty pictures to go along with it, but it's also about a bigger topic, and one I'm probably maybe going to get a little hate for. 

That's never stopped me before, though, has it?

This is my friend C. 
Gorgeous, isn't he? Okay, I know you can't see too much of him in this pic, but I was more focused on having his face between my thighs than having his face in a pic. 

I'm going to be very honest here - C is the first Black man I've fucked in Second Life. 

There is a reason for that, but it's probably not the reason one would first assume when reading that previous statement.
He was very good at this, by the way. Extremely good. Incredibly good. 

Anyway, the reason I've never fucked a Black man in Second Life is because when I encounter Black men in Second Life, I generally assume that they're actually white guys. 
And I do think that's a fair assumption. I would say, hanging out in sex-focused regions, that 95% of the Black men I've met are so obviously white men living out some weird hyper-stereotypical BBC Black bull fantasy, and I find that both ridiculous and offensive. 

It's like the only Black men they have to base their "characters" on are in porn, and they've just gone through and ticked off every checkbox of the typical porn big Black bull with a big Black cock. 
They max out their sliders... tall as possible, broad as possible, muscular as possible, and then they buy their cock, and max that the fuck out, too, and it's just... well, quite frankly, it's stupid as hell.

And I know that there are women out there who are attracted to that, and some of those women are white, but for most white women, and the white men in Black avatars, it's not about attraction. They have fetishized Black men based on porn - bad porn at that. 

And I think that's wrong.
Look! He actually fits in my mouth!

Don't get me wrong - I love a nice big fat cock, but there is a point, especially within the limits of SL, where it becomes just asinine. It fits in no mouth, and it sure as hell doesn't fit in a snatch or an ass, not without causing damage that would send a woman to the hospital with torn lips. Mouth lips AND hoo-ha lips!

And I love me some pain, but c'mon... 
C is the first Black man I've gotten to know in SL where it never once occurred to me that he was actually a white guy. There is nothing overblown about him. He didn't have that trying-too-hard-to-act-and-look-Black aura that most have. 

I don't want to fuck a stereotype. I don't want to fuck a pasty-faced white guy pretending to be a big Black stallion who has absolutely zero knowledge of big Black stallions other than some shitty low-budget porn. 

And that's why I've never fucked a Black man until I met C. I felt none of that, "Oh hell, it's another nerdy white dude that wants to jack off to live action BBC porn."

In fact, the only thing I asked him related to his SL look versus his RL look was asking if he's a Black ginger in RL. 

He's an awesome man. I'm not one of those white people who claim to not see color - of course I see color (and so do all those other white folks who say they don't). I know he's black and I know his history and culture is different from my history and culture - but it doesn't have to be something more than that. 
He's a hell of a fun ride. 

I'm attracted to people. That is to say that I'm attracted to who a person is, and there are a lot of things going on in my brain and my hormones that make me aware that I find a person attractive. Yes, physical attraction is important, but it's only one slice of a gigantic cake. That person could be white, Black, Asian, Hispanic, Native American, or any of a thousand different cultures we have on this big old planet of ours. When a person makes up their mind that they are only physically attracted to a certain race or culture, and is unable look beyond that, that is a problem. 

(I'm going to get people with standard avatars coming after me for saying that, because I won't fuck people who aren't mesh in SL, and yes, I've been in arguments with people who say that's racist. Fuck off with that nonsense.)

A month or so ago, I got involved in a bit of a heated debate on the SL forums. I've broken my addiction to the forums, by the way. I finally stepped back and realized how toxic they are. 

But anyway, this debate was one of many recent ones regarding race, and the question came up about white folks with Black avatars, and whether or not that counts as blackface. 

I had to think a long time about this. 
Second Life is supposed to be anything we want it to be, right? Your world, your imagination.

So... having an avatar that is a different race than your RL race is... okay? Is it different if it's a white person with an Asian avatar, or a Black person with a white avatar?

Is there a line between being acceptable and unacceptable? If so, where is that line?

I struggled with this. I lost a friend over this - well, partially this and partially because she wouldn't let go of the "all lives matter" trope no matter how many people tried to explain it. She has also had a Black avatar in SL, though she stopped using it a few months ago. When I "met" her (on the forums) I genuinely thought she was black. It didn't occur to me that she wasn't. 
When I discovered that she is actually white, it didn't bother me like it does with white men pretending to be Black, and I had to toss that around in my mind for a while, too. 

She explained how she just wanted to create a beautiful Black avatar, and she did. The look was gorgeous and realistic. She didn't give herself the stereotypical fat ass, with a tiny waist, and giant boobs, teetering on toothpick ankles that so many do - though, to be fair, that look isn't limited to race in SL.  I call that the Kardashian effect. 

Y'all... even Kim Kardashian doesn't look like Kim Kardashian. Without photoshop and at least three pairs of Spanx shaping that ass, she looks like every other pleasantly plump woman in America. 
Anyway, here's the conclusion I've come to, and I realize it's up to others to decide for themselves where the line is.

These white guys in SL portraying the stereotypes? That's blackface. Don't do that. You aren't playing a character - you are portraying and perpetuating a caricature. A race isn't a fetish, and fetishizing Black men, and women, too, is offensive. 

Second Life is not your minstrel show. 

I truly believe that most people doing this are oblivious to what they're doing. Either they don't understand what a caricature is, or they've never actually spent much time around the Black community. And, of course, there are some jackasses who know exactly what they're doing and just don't care. 
Just a little break in the action...
I know someone somewhere is reading this right now with steam coming out of their ears. How dare I call what they're doing offensive, right? Meh. It's blackface and you're being racist and offensive. Do better. 

Anyway, C is definitely someone I will have sex with again. Hell, I already have. 
Round Two!
Enough about race, I think. It's time to talk about me! 😜

This is my Second Life now, and I'm truly loving it. It's not so much that I've even gone back to being my old self. I'm different now, the situation I find myself in is different.

In the past, though I was sexually open, I was also still constantly searching for a relationship. 
I had such a magical relationship with Hugh, and I always wanted something to... well, not replicate it, because every relationship is different, but to fill a gap in my life that was left open and raw after his departure.

And I found it twice and had two more amazing relationships with the most amazing men. 

And right now? I am so not looking to jump into another relationship.
That's not even a conscious decision on my part. I just realized that I was having a lot of fun with several men, and I was reluctant to even accept friend requests from them afterwards. 

Even that small thing feels like too much of a commitment to me in a few ways. I've always wanted people to use the calling card system in SL for casual friendships, and keep the actual friend list to just a few people, but the greater population of SL rejected that idea. 

As a result, I've had a couple of awkward conversations with men recently. Some I've refused, and some I've accepted, or even offered, with the caveat that I likely won't answer IMs some of the time, or even a lot of the time. 
If I'm with someone else, I don't answer IMs. I think it's rude, like taking a phone call in the middle of dinner. Whoever I'm with deserves my full attention. The other thing is being an introvert. I love my alone time in RL (which I'm getting plenty of these days working from home until people START WEARING THEIR FUCKING MASKS SO WE CAN GET THIS GOD DAMN VIRUS UNDER CONTROL, YOU SELFISH NO-MASK JACKASSES) and I also love my alone time in SL to shop, take photos, work on my new look, decorate, write a blog entry, whatever. 

I want to fuck when I want to fuck, and I want to be left alone pretty much the rest of the time... lol.
I love people. I love most everyone, but I can only do one on one time in small doses before I find myself itching to be somewhere else doing something else. 

I'll never be a social butterfly. I've been hitting up clubs and adult regions lately because I'm looking to get laid. Maybe it's because of the virus, but I do feel like the quality of men has gone up since my year long hiatus from sex. I'm not having the same trouble I used to have finding men who I found attractive - physically and intellectually. 

That's a good thing - maybe the only good thing about Covid. I'm just hoping they stick around once we finally beat it into submission in two or three years (by the way the US is handling it). 

C is definitely one of the good ones. Attractive, intelligent, funny, able to make me cum multiple times. He made it onto the real friends list, and I'm absolutely keeping him there. 😉

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