Friday, April 12, 2019

This Man of Mine

I made a bet with someone.

A stupid bet, not because I'm not going to win it, but because of who I made the bet with.

An ex. A not-very-kind ex. An ex that I, quite frankly, don't owe a god damn thing to.

So why did I take the bet? And what is the bet?

Let me talk about life with Finn for a minute first.
He makes me glow.
More precisely, life with Finn when Finn can't be inworld, and my raging libido. Also, I suppose, life for Finn with me when I can't be inworld, and his raging libido.

Our libidos... they rage. Hard. And it's fucking amazing when our times line up and his libido and my libido get to crash into each other and do dirty things until we both can't move.

Sadly, though, that doesn't happen nearly as much as we'd like, yet our libidos still rage.

When we first got back together, we talked about how we wanted things to be between us. Monogamy came up.

It came up for like half a second and then we both laughed because neither of us want that and would suck at it if we tried. We want to do ALL THE THINGS and ALL THE PEOPLE.
That moment... just before the penetration.
And it turns us both on knowing the other has been with someone else. We like hearing the naughty details and seeing pictures and talking about how erotic (or not) it was. Sometimes we're able to be on Skype together even if we can't be inworld, and get to hear the salacious details as they happen.

Knowing these things about each other, having this comfort to know we're able to be as sexually promiscuous as we want to be... there's something about it, you guys. Something freaking amazing.

In the past, when I've gone out looking for sex, I've also been looking for something more whether I realized it or not. I was looking for love and orgasms. It didn't work for many, many reasons.
The unbearable wait...
But now? Oh my hell. Now it's soooo different. When my libido starts raging and Finn isn't around and I go out looking for some cock, it's a completely different ballgame. I'm not looking for love. I've got that. Don't need it from anyone else. Finn is everything I need when it comes to matters of the heart.

And this has given me a sort of sexual freedom I've never had before. I can go out and pick up a man, have sex, and walk away.

That doesn't sound like such a big deal, does it? But if you've read my blog over the years, you know damn good and well that this is something that has been pretty impossible for me to achieve. True no-strings-attached sex.

It's fun, y'all! Seriously fun. Dirty fun.
Already dripping for him.
And I'm going to let you guys in on a little secret. I've always orgasmed when I fuck in SL, meaning that if I'm having sex in SL, I'm also playing in RL. I've never seen the point in role-playing and basically just writing a story but... yeah, that's changed a little now. I've found that as long as the man I pick up is fucking gorgeous, he can be a quiet emoter (not a crap emoter... that is still a big no-no) and I can do whatever I want, write the story however I want without much participation from him, snap a few pics, and then, when it's all over, use my own story and my pics and cum. I might be faking it in the moment, yeah, but I so use the material afterwards!

This isn't an every time thing. I'd much rather be with a gorgeous man who is there with me in the moment, and we both actually cum while we're fucking. It's just that sometimes the spark turns out to be more of a flicker, or our styles just don't mesh, or whatever. And that's okay. I'm not going to walk away disappointed because I'm still going to cum... just on my own terms.
Ah... there it is.
I'm with my perfect partner. I'm with the man I should have been with years ago and held onto. I'm holding on to him now. No fucking way I'm letting him go. I love him more every single second. He's my amazing husband who not only lets me be me, he loves me being me.

And that leads me back to my stupid bet. As I'm enjoying this newfound no-strings-sex, I've also reached out to several of my exes for sex. I already know they're good at it, or I'd have never been with them in the first place so I thought, hey, why not?

Yeah, that hasn't really worked. They're exes for a reason, right? But one in particular... one I should have never fucking reached out to... he's the one I made the damn bet with. He knows my history with men, and thinks he knows me, and thinks he knows that I will absolutely fuck things up, and send Finn running for the hills.
Doesn't look like he's getting ready to run...
So he made the bet with me and I accepted it. If Finn and I make it through the end of 2019, he'll fuck me no-strings-attached. If Finn breaks my heart, I have to become this guy's obedient little slave.

At the time I made the bet, I was pissed off and indignant, and didn't think twice about it because I know damn good and well Finn loves me, has loved me for years, and is going to continue to love me.

I'll win the bet. That's not what's so stupid about it. The stupid thing is that I made the bet in the first place because when I win... yeah, no, I'm not fucking this guy.

He's ugly inside and out. I mean, he's not even got a mesh head yet, much less Bento, and wears tacky ill-fitting mesh clothes, and is one of those guys who is utterly insecure in his masculinity and has to have all his sliders cranked up to 100 so he towers over everyone to make himself feel superior. He's ugly on the inside because he's got the emotional maturity of a zygote, and treats every women he's ever encountered like shit. He doesn't like women. He's mentally abusive and misogynistic and arrogant in place of self-confidence.

His one thing is that he was blessed with a sexy voice and his moans make me cum. That's it. His one and only redeeming quality, and that's just really not worth the hassle of putting up with all the other bullshit.
This is my joy.
And if something should happen and Finn breaks my heart? I would delete Beth Macbain and leave SL before I would submit to this guy and become a slave that he is determined to break.

Fuck a bunch of that. And, seriously, fuck him. Actually don't. Run away from him if you encounter him. Run fast and far and don't look back.

Just being around his sleazy ass for a few minutes brought it all home for me again. Finn is a spectacular human being. He's kind and gentle and cares about people. He has empathy and intelligence. He's funny and makes me laugh. He's masterful and dominant without being degrading or misogynistic.

He is everything this other guy is not.
The snuggle is real.
He's really kind of perfect, you guys. Perfect for me. He makes me proud of being his. Makes me proud to give himself to him, to submit, to let him own me. He doesn't see that as a way to prove his superiority to me. We're equals.

And, god, I love him. I just love him.

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