Monday, July 30, 2018

Bethie with the Good Hair

Well, y'all... I have had a rough couple of weeks.
It all started with a visit from my dark friend. 

That's what I call my depression. 

Mind you, all things considered, it wasn't a bad visit. It was more of a meh than a whopper. It was just sort of tickling around at the fringes.

And I know what brought it on... men.
More specifically, men who think I'm a grand candidate for sex, but can't see the woman beyond that.

It's a double-edged sword, isn't it? I have buried myself in the sexual side of Second Life because... well, hell, I like sex, damn it, and I've been so damn sick for years about the way women are shamed for being sex positive.

So I've gone all out with the sex, right? And there's not a damn thing wrong with that... until you realize that most of the men in my (Second)life have started to see me as nothing more than a virtual sex doll.

And I'm really not okay with that.
Because I'm sexual, yes... voraciously sexual even... but that isn't all I am by any stretch of the imagination.

I'm complex and varied. Intelligent and funny. Loyal to a fault. Empathetic to an almost uncomfortable degree. I'm goofy. I work, and pay bills, and I have a family, and friends. I drive a car. I cook. I have dreams. I'm pragmatic.

And a lot more things, too. And I happen to think I'm worth knowing in more than the carnal sense.

I'm fucking date-worthy.
These men in my SL that relegated me to fuck object starting wearing on me. The nights spend alone while they were with their girlfriends or partners. The life of the side chick sucks, in spite of what all the songs say.

I'm not going to be a side chick anymore. If you want to be with me, you'd best be ready, willing, and able to put me ahead of all the other women in your virtual world. I'm not settling for second... or third, or fourth... best anymore, guys.
As I was coming to this realization, and the realization it was time for one of those little breaks from Second Life, my real world got hit by a real storm. A big ass storm that knocked out my power for a couple of days.

And when that power came back on? Dead computer.

It's been acting up for a while now and I thought I might be in for some repairs soon, but when this happened, I also happened to be broke as fuck.

I waited for pay day.

And I'm not going to tell you guys the absolute utter bullshit I went through trying to find someone to work on my computer (when I wanted them to) but there were some tense moments and terse conversations and high fucking blood pressure.
Anyway, after paying $200 for "diagnostics", I found out my motherboard was pretty much melted. I cried. I loved that damn computer. It was a big Frankenstein workhorse that had lasted me years, and it was dead.

And I had to buy a new computer. So this is me on a new computer that I'm still learning, with new photo editing tools because I lost my Pixlr desktop because it was discontinued a couple of years ago but I've been keeping it going because I love Pixlr and loved the desktop app.

But there's no getting it back now so I have to find something else.
These are edited with PhotoShop Express. It's nice but it doesn't have all the tools I want. I'm also playing with a free trial of the full PhotoShop to see how I like it.

You guys... I don't know Photoshop beyond the very most basic. Look, I just want to slap some filters on a photo and be done with it. I have no desire to spend more than 2 or 3 minutes editing a photo of my virtual self.

There is also the online version of Pixlr that I used before I switched to the desktop app. I can go back to that, too, and my photos will look just the same as before.

So I'm weighing my options.
Anyway, all this is to say that I had to take a longer break than I meant to.

But I'm back now with some new priorities.

I cleaned out my friend's list. If you're still on there, that means you're fucking awesome and I love you... or I haven't gotten to know you well enough to know if you're a twat-waffle yet.

Cleaned out my Skype contacts, too.

No more will I be everyone's for-a-good-time-call girl.
Respect me, and I'll respect you right back and fuck you until we're both sweaty and spent and blissed the fuck out.

What? You thought I was giving up sex? C'mon, y'all know me better than that!

But it's going to be on my terms. You're going to have to spend some time getting to know me before you stick your dick in me. And I won't be your side chick or hide in the shadows.

If you have an open relationship with someone else, great. I have no issue with that. If your girl knows you're fucking me, we can talk. 

But I'm really looking for that one special guy. And I know when I'm looking, I won't find him but there you go. 

I want a partner. Not for monogamy but someone who puts me first above all others, as I will him. We'll play together and separately and with others but at the end of the night, I want a guy who wants to be with me.
And no, I don't think that's too much to ask. I'm fucking all that and a bag of chips. The guy that I pour myself into is going to be one lucky son of a bitch as long as he pours himself right back into me. 

Gentleman, if you think you're going to stick your dick inside me then only come sniffing around when you want to get your rocks off again, just look elsewhere. 

But you're going to be missing out on knowing someone amazing.

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