Thursday, December 21, 2017

The Edit

This should be on my last post, but I've decided it needs its own.
I need to edit the part that said I'd been dumped because it seems I hadn't been dumped. My bad. We were simply on a break.

Yes, a break. And if you can't hear that without thinking of this... are not alone.

Of course, now it's not just a break. I have, indubitably, been dumped.

You see, I committed THE cardinal sin. I sent him a very long, very detailed notecard. It actually started out as a blog post, but I didn't feel it was fair to publish all our dirty laundry... mainly, his dirty laundry because I did that thing women do where they unleash all the fury built up inside them and pick at every little thing.
He didn't like that. Not one single bit. And he finds difficult conversations distasteful and stressful so instead of having a conversation with me, I got the "fuck you" message.

Specifically, he said, "good luck beth - leave methe fuck alone - u certainly dont know me - and go blog about shit tha is not true - i told u take a break and instead u write bullshit - anyway have a good life because half the shit u wrote is not true - u fucking liar!"

Followed by, "mute."

And he did.
So, that's that. I don't think I've ever been muted by a man. It's a bit... well... okay, a variety of emotions. Anger, absolutely. I'm a person who likes to fucking hash things out instead of running away so it annoys me to be completely just cut off like that.

I'm also baffled because he didn't seem like the type of man to... tuck tail and run. I thought more of him than that.

And, yes, I'm questioning myself, which I hate. That's what happened last year when I was very briefly partnered to the true narcissist. And I don't think this guy is TRUE narcissist. I just think he's... arrogant.
But having said that, he did that thing that narcissists do, and twisted my words, and turned everything around to lay blame all on me.

Or that's how it seems, anyway, since I CAN'T TALK TO HIM. I'm shouting that because I know he won't be able to resist reading this, not because I'm unhinged about all this mess.

But, yeah, it's left me shook. Am I the problem? If I am, it wasn't intentional. I still think I didn't lie to him and that sexuality isn't as simple as preferring the same sex, the opposite sex, or both genders 50/50.
I don't think I'm crazy, either. I think I'm doing pretty damn good at being a strong, independent woman who has her shit together. 2017 was a fucking rough year for me, losing Dad. Do I take my happy medicine? Yep. Depression is a disease and nothing to be ashamed of, and I've been in control of it since I had that terrible spell recently, but that's was before I met him.

Anyway, I think being muted makes it official, right? I've been dumped, unceremoniously, right on my ass.

I lost him.

But... he lost me, as well.

And I'm pretty fucking awesome.
Daddy really didn't like it when kitty told him he needed to be Dommed...

1 comment:

  1. Seriously though - some random guy telling you that you are or are not bi? Like he would even know what you like...or dictate it for that matter in a roundabout way. You're better off.

    Note I actually typed the y and the o in 'you', too. :D


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