Monday, May 23, 2016

Trusting my Gut

“Introverts need to trust their gut and share their ideas as powerfully as they can.”
― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

I haven't actually read the book that quote is from... I live the life of an introvert and have come to know myself well through introspection. I know a few friends and family members I'd love to have read it so they can understand me better, but... oh well!

I think that quote, though, describes perfectly my reasons behind opening [ruined]. I had an idea.. and it was brewing and stewing and everyone I talked to about it loved it and I just had to give it a go. 

And I'm so glad I did.
What happens when an introvert opens a club?

And what kind of silly ass introvert is dumb enough to open a club?

Oh... me. That would be me.
I am a true introvert... not one of those Internet introverts who laughs and says "Oh, I hate people... hahahahaha!"

A real introvert loves people. I do. I adore them. But it's crazy hard to be around them for long periods of time. An extrovert draws their energy from being in crowds, soaking it up from those around them. For an introvert, that drains them. It sucks the energy right out of us and we have to go away and have our alone time in order to recharge.
Brad knows well how to relax me when I'm feeling stressed!
My intention when opening [ruined] wasn't to make it a club so much as a hang out. I knew up front that I didn't want to play hostess all the time, or referee.

I'm discovering that that's just not entirely possible. Issues are cropping up that I never considered. Oh, and I hosted those two open houses over the weekend that absolutely drained me.

Don't get me wrong... I loved doing them, and will be doing them again. I'm even considering making the Sunday social a regular thing. But, boy, when they were over, I had to crawl away and curl up in a little ball for a while!
It's also affected my libido, negatively, though you wouldn't be able to tell from these photos... lol!

When I'm at the club, I'm so concerned with making sure the few people there are having a good time and feel welcomed that it becomes my singular focus. I can't have sex when I'm focusing on everyone around me! And that's not at all what I wanted for the club - even though, yes, I know, I'm the one putting that pressure on myself.

So I've got to stop doing that. [ruined] is supposed to be interactive... and the members we have so far are just amazing at participating! They don't need me hovering and mother-henning the entire thing. So I won't. I quit! Unless there is an open house again or something like that, I'm off duty when I'm at [ruined].

Or I'm going to try to be, anyway. We'll see how that goes.
I love having the club, though. I love seeing people laughing and connecting and talking and fucking. It's a great atmosphere... relaxing and sensual, no pressure but I think the air is constantly erotically charged. There may be no one having sex at a particular moment, but I think you can feel that the possibility it there... it hangs in the air and teases and encourages people to let go and enjoy themselves.

I've seen some people turn down others, and it's polite and respectful and perfect. I don't expect everyone to be attracted to everyone else. There are members I'm not attracted to, and that's okay. Everyone is being nice... and that's awesome and amazing. No one is judging.

It's beautiful.
There were a couple magical moments over the weekend at the open houses... One was last night. There weren't a lot of people there, I think only 9 or 10 of us, but it was my largest crowd so far. Two couples were having sex... two couples that had just met. Another couple was dancing. Someone was entertaining us with her pole dancing, I was dancing on the bar, a new member was sitting in one of the chairs chatting with us, another was trying out the cage. The night before there had been another moment when a group of us gathered around the bar and had an amazing conversation about sex in Second Life. Candid and real and everyone was participating and they were smart and mature and respectful and beautifully open.

And it was perfect. It was exactly what I'd dreamed. All I could do was sit back and smile and enjoy these moments of seeing my dream come to fruition.
So while I'm struggling with finding my own comfortable place in running my club... It's happening. It's really happening. I didn't know if my concept would work or not. 

But it is... It's certainly not for everyone, but for those like me, it's become something real. Something we've longed to see, and it now exists. 

And I couldn't be happier. 


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  2. If I may, thank you for a wonderful two evenings; I had an absolutely marvelous time! I admit I was hesitant at first; so much of my SL experience is wrapped up in the fantastical appearance I usually wear that I wasn't sure if I could relax and just be 'normal' (for certain values of normal... :D)

    Saturday night was fun, and helped me unwind some. Sunday was even better. Just... letting go, going with the flow.

    For what it's worth, I think you've done an amazing thing, and I don't mean just the items you've set out and the decorating and so on. The atmosphere you've created is special, and much of that is simply from you being you, welcoming and friendly and accepting.

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