Saturday, May 28, 2016

Clarifications and Stuff


So we all know I have diarrhea of the mouth when it comes to words and this blog. I write when I'm happy, I write when I'm upset or frustrated, I write when I'm horny, I write whenever the mood strikes.

And I hit the publish button immediately.

And what I'm feeling at any given moment is subject to change five minutes later. This blog is my journal. It helps me straighten out my thoughts. Sometimes I say things in the moment that I don't realize can be interpreted in different ways.

On the subject of men, and [ruined]. It was pointed out to me today that my post read as if [ruined] is a sex club where women are lying around waiting for men to fuck them.

When I wrote that post, I happened to be lying around [ruined] waiting for a man to come and fuck me.

I was having this moment of "Hey, wait a minute... I own a sex club and I can't get laid?"

That was me. Just me. In that particular moment. I was aroused and frustrated. And I unloaded on my blog, as I frequently do.

And then I got laid and it was all good... lol.

The female members of [ruined] are not beck and call girls. They are strong, intelligent, amazing mature women. Some of them might be looking for a one night stand. Some of them are most definitely not. Every single one of us is different.

And the same goes for the men. We've got an amazingly diverse group from around the globe that is slowly growing day by day.

It will never be full. There will always be times when the club is empty.

I do not expect that everyone will have sex with everyone. And sometimes there may be no sex at all between anyone. It all depends on the moment, and the connections, and how people are feeling.

No means no. I will never try to push people together or pressure anyone, and I expect the other members to be the same way. Some people won't like each other. Some may become the best of friends. Some will become lovers.

I keep hearing one particular comment over and over... "I stopped by the club, but it was empty."

I feel like people are disappointed in me. I have a day job... and I can't be in SL at the same time. I have to sleep. And I have to have time away from SL, and time inside of SL for me.

And I understand that this club thrives or fails on my shoulders. And I'm very well aware that I really have no idea what I'm doing and am basically just winging it.

I naively thought I could create a club that was basically self-running. I just wanted a small place where a small group of great people could hang out, have sex, not have sex, have mature, adult fun, meet new people.

Something is cropping up all the time. People are upset that I didn't accept them into the club, or booted them for not following the rules. People are upset because it's frequently empty. People are upset because they're being pressured into sex, people are upset because people are turning them down for sex.

I cannot make everyone happy.

And right now, it's killing me. Perhaps I just don't have the chutzpah to run a club? It's wearing me down and I wish I could say I just don't give a fuck and let the cards fall where they may... but that's not me. I'm a mother hen. How to let go of my grip and let the club succeed or fail on its own merits?

Many clubs have rules about dress codes and having updated avatars. The difference is that I'm heading that off up front instead of pocketing a membership fee and then kicking people out.

I'm footing (most) of the bill for this place. Yes, I've gotten some lovely tips and I appreciate the hell out of them, but they don't put a dent in what I'm actually spending on the place to make it look like I want it to look. And if it works... I am so more than happy to keep footing that bill. It is well worth it to me to have someplace in SL where my vision can exist.

Not everyone shares that vision, or even understands that vision. I have a hard time putting it into words myself.

I'm tying myself up in knots worrying. And that is soooooo not what I wanted.

And I'm very well aware that I'm putting that pressure on myself. I'm making this all harder than it has to be.

I guess at the end of the day, I'm still just an insecure little girl trying to make her place in the world and fumbling it very much.

The only question that remains is whether or not I'll catch the ball.

1 comment:

  1. Don't give up, Beth. Yes, sometimes I drop by and there's no-one there, but that's not a criticism of you, it's just the way things are. But at other times I call in and it's buzzing. I like your club a lot, and I really want it to keep going for a long time.


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