Saturday, February 27, 2016

Why is no one having sex?

Oh, I know there are people having sex... but I'm talking about something very specific.

Why is no one having sex in these really gorgeous private sex clubs people have built in Second Life? You know the ones I'm talking about... the clubs that you pay a nice little fee to join that bill themselves as places where the yummy people can go and have delicious, decadent sex... filled to the brim with the best sex furniture lindens can buy.

Now that I'm back out there, looking for great sex, and often (I have needs, damn it!), I'm finding myself time and time again going to these places. They're beautiful. The creators have done an amazing job of designing these places. They're sultry and sensual and wicked. And you go there and they're either empty, or full of people most decidedly NOT having sex.
It baffles me. Why is this? These places exist... and there must be people interested because they have members. Lots of members. Second Life is supposed to be a place where (if we choose), we can shed our inhibitions and let our freak flags fly. And if you're in one of these places, or a member of these places, one can only assume that you're interested in sex. In public. Where people can watch. And sometimes join. Or have their own sex next to you.

Is that not the case? Am I missing something?

Are we all just voyeurs, but not interested in being exhibitionists? Are we standing there all hoping some folks will drop their clothes, and their inhibitions, and fuck for our viewing pleasure?
In some places, Teqi's for example, you do often find a couple having sex. One couple. Maybe two or three on a good night. You can fuck on nearly every single surface there but it's not happening all that much. There's lots of cuddling, and the line of robotic women dancing the same dance (I find that bizarre... not sure why) and occasionally some chat in local, but no wild orgies or group sex.

Why is that?

And if there are people having sex, it almost feels in many cases that the others around are looking upon them with some derision. Judgement.
Each of these clubs have their own little cliques. And that's fine... but they're hanging out, all the damn time, the same people, not having sex. And I'm left wondering "Is it okay to have sex here? Am I going to be pointed at, and laughed at?" because the regulars aren't indulging.

I can't help but wonder what the club owners think. They've built these places, poured tons and tons and tons of lindens into them, and there is no mistaking that they're created as places for people to meet up and get dirty.

But no one is.
Maybe they are meeting up, and then going to more private places to have sex. And that's okay... no one should feel pressured to perform in public. I guess I just expect a more sexual atmosphere. People flirting and having naughty discussions and be open about what we're really all here for. Instead we get mostly silence and staring. 

I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I'm always surprised and disappointed about how few men approach me. Less because I think I'm so stunning and head and shoulders above anyone else, but because it's pretty clear, I think, I'm looking to get laid. Maybe it's not as obvious as I think it is? 

Or perhaps it's too obvious? I wear my sexuality on my sleeve... perhaps that's a turn-off, or too intimidating for some men? 

Guys... just because I'm openly sexual doesn't mean I'm easy. It means I enjoy sex, and that I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of.

I'm picky as fuck. While I'm absolutely looking for sex, I don't just fuck anyone who approaches me. Mainly because I like men who are conversational... He might be hot as hell, but if he doesn't give as good as he gets, and that back-and-forth isn't there, I assume he'll be the same way when we fuck. I don't want to do all the work.
I suppose maybe the owners of these clubs don't mind... especially if people have paid a group fee and continue to make donations to keep the sim running but I can't help think there must be some disappointment that the places aren't used as they were intended. Maybe. I don't know. I haven't talked to any of them about it. Some of the owners are present all the time... some of them are mythical creatures that are only spotted on rare occasions.

I was at the Chamber a few of nights ago... Monday, I believe. There were, as usual, many people there. And there were a couple of women who were naked, or wearing lingerie, me included. And there were a few people making comments about the nudity. "Oh, I didn't realize it was CMNF night!" It was obvious they were being facetious. In the Chamber's defense, there was an officer there who pointed out that lingerie was always welcome and allowed.

And you know who were the ones being snotty? It was the women. Slut-shaming. In a club designed for mature adults to be open with their sexuality.




How dare they? I mean, really? Women exploring their sexuality, embracing it, should be celebrated. These are places where women should be encouraged... should feel free, and comfortable, being as sexual as they want to be.

It made me sad.
And angry.

I know these places don't expressly demand that people fuck. That would be... sleazy and tacky. And there are plenty of places for that, too. I once belonged to a swinger's club where I was given shit because I didn't fuck someone every time I was there. The pressure to lie on my back every time I TPed in became tedious and uncomfortable and I left the group.

No one should be forced to participate, or expected to... but if you don't plan on being sexual, at least sometimes, why go to the sexual places? And why make others feel badly because they do want to be sexual in sexual places? There are lots of other places, just as beautiful, that these people could hang out for non-sexual conversation and fun.

Am I confusing Adult with Sexual? When I see that a place has an A maturity rating, I automatically think sex. Perhaps it's me who needs to adjust her way of thinking?
It's one thing when there are events going on... DJs or live performances or dances... those specific events are meant to draw people in, to encourage them to visit, I assume, in hopes they'll return and maybe shed those inhibitions and use the club for its intended purpose. Use the furniture to do what it was designed for. Sex.

Maybe I'm overthinking, or expecting too much, or maybe it's that I've made the decision that those places should be full of beautiful people having beautiful sex when it's not my club and not up to me to decide that.
I want to meet handsome, intelligent, mature men for sex. In public. I want to have erotic encounters with delicious men and then say goodnight and go my own way.

No one really jumped on my idea of the Fuck Group. I honestly thought I'd have some interest but I really didn't. Oh, and the interest I did have? It was from women. Not a bunch of horny men looking for an easy way to get laid... it was women, looking for the same thing I am. It seems I'm not alone in looking for some good hot sex without a relationship attached.

We're out here, and we're aroused, and our needs aren't being met. And those needs aren't complicated. They don't involve dates, or rings, or promises. They involve orgasms.

And, yes, gentlemen, a woman's orgasm is, I think, more cerebral than a man's. Certainly not in all cases... I know there are lots of men who get off from a good mind-fuck as well as having their cocks tended to. That's probably a topic for another post, though...

Am I doing something wrong? Am I going to the wrong places? Is SL even more of a reflection of the real world than I like to think it is? A world like the real one where sexuality is still hush-hush and women aren't supposed to be open and vocal about wanting, and enjoying, orgasms?
I'd hate to think that's the case. I want to be open with my sexuality, and explore all the things, and do it in sensuous, beautiful settings. I want to wear decadent lingerie and seduce, and be seduced.

And I don't want to be shamed for it.

Does anyone else feel the same way I do? Anyone else get exasperated by the lack of sexy-sex in the sexy-sex places? Make no mistake... I'm not talking about the noob-magnet places. I'm not talking about the places where most women are actually men and all the men have giant freenises and bad skin and giant system muscles and Fred Flintstone feet. I'd rather be abstinent than have to resort to getting laid in those places.
I just want some good sex, damn it. With other people who know what they're doing. People who understand that words mean more than animations, but that the right animations in combination with those words can make mediocre pixel-banging an ethereal, sultry, orgasmic experience for all parties. In places where people not only feel free to indulge, but actually want to indulge. Where there is no judgement or shame... just amazing people having wonderful erotic experiences.

Does what I seek exist? Where is it? I have needs... I'm certain I'm not alone in that.

Let's be decadent together. You know you want to.


  1. Well Beth it is true. very seldom you SEE someone having sex. But I'm sure a lot of them have sex in IM. It is the place that triggers the imagination of the people and let them have sex in conversational form. I have to say that is often much more exciting than looking on your avis having pixel sex with arms in the head or in the body or the guys cock shows out of your back. That is more disgusting and downturning then a good conversation sex.
    Only if the positions are perfect adjusted to the avatars it looks exciting. But what animations are perfect adjusted if they are placed in public? Club owners buy and place them as they are because it can be some work to adjust them good and every avatar is different in shape and size. And not every animation offers the adjust dialog to the public.

    1. Hi Aida - Thank you for your comment! You bring up very good points. I agree that the words exchanged are much more important than the animations... To me, the animations are the icing on the already delicious cake.

      I look at adjusting the animations as just another extension of RL sex. In the real world, you have to do some wiggling and scooting to get everything just right; same goes for SL. It's usually not more than just a couple of clicks to get things lined up reasonably well, if not perfect. And if I'm at a place where they don't even allow group members access to the adjusting menu, chances are I won't go back.

      And, yes, I know there are people engaging in some delicious private verbal foreplay and sex. That's fun, too, both engaging in it and imagining all the salacious things people are talking about around me.

      And, of course, there's the lag issue, too, in crowded places. That's a definite arousal killer.

      And, of course, to prove myself wrong, after I posted this yesterday, I met someone delicious in Teqi's that was exactly what I was looking for. I guess there are no absolutes... :-)

  2. Thank you for this, Beth. You hit the nail exactly on the head. I've pretty much given up on clubs as places to go for sex. I didn't know about Teqi's; I'll have to come at and least look at it some time.

    For me, a major turn-off is being approached in IM along the lines of "wanna fuk?" I mean, seriously? That approach has this virtue at least; one knows right away that the speaker is a waste of time. I believe you're right - there's probably quite a bit of hotness going on in IMs. But people, if you're going to have sex in IM, why come to a club and just stand there while you do it? I have nothing against sex in IM's; I've enjoyed some incredibly arousing sex in IM (and believe me, it makes shopping at the same time a challenge!) But to go to a sex club, where it's painfully obvious to even the newest newb that this is a place designed and intended from the ground up as a place for explicit, public fucking... and then just stand around, not a word being said in local, not making use of the furniture... why are you there?

    My own opinion is that men are generally scared off by confident, sexual women. They see someone like you, in beautiful lingerie, who is actively looking for sex without strings, without complications, and they can't handle it. They don't know what to make of that, because it breaks the paradigm too many of them seem locked in to - that the male is active, seeks the female, conquers/seduces/woos her and then gets sex as a reward. This also fits with the women you mentioned who were - not to put too fine a point on it - slut-shaming sexually active, attractive women. For being sexual, for daring to enjoy their own sexuality.

    I'll close with a caveat as well as a final observation. My chosen appearance in SL is that of a transgender horse-girl. My fetishes and tastes are probably at considerable variance with yours. But I find it interesting to note that my experience of sex clubs in SL parallels yours to a considerable degree. Places that on the face of it are all about teh public sexx0rz seem to be anything but, and like you, I really don't know why. For what it's worth, I have found that public sex beaches seem to be somewhat less inhibited.

    Thanks for a thought-provoking post, Beth. Darn it, now you're going to get me blogging, too.


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