Thursday, October 22, 2015

Life, Interrupted

Shit happens.
And I am soooooooo tired of shit happening.

I had a nice blog post ripping the mesh body creators all lined up and ready to go, but fuck it. I'm too tired.

You see, I was supposed to be on vacation this week. Remember, I was going to get my shit together and get back on track?


My beloved papa had a fall on Tuesday and fractured his hip.

He's going to be fine. Had surgery last night, got a few weeks of rehab ahead of him, but he's in good spirits (great, actually, with all the drugs in his system) and will kick rehab's ass to get back on his feet.

But it quite ruined my little vacation.

His care over the past couple of days, once again, fell to me. I am NOT angry with my father for this... no way, no how. I'd have been there for him even if I'd had to hop a flight from Mars to get to him.

My siblings, though... they didn't. And I'm mad about that, and I'm not. Two of my six siblings (that live out of town) took off on their own vacations instead of changing their plans to come be with Dad. One other did take the day off yesterday to drive up and be with us. One brother was out of town for work and came straight to the hospital as soon as his flight landed tonight, relieving me and giving me some much needed time away.
And my sister... oh, holy fuck. She was actually picking him up for lunch when he fell. He was walking out to meet her. She followed the ambulance to the hospital... and stopped on the way for a burger.

She was around a bit yesterday, but left before his surgery started.

Well, we thought she left... she tried to leave... instead we got a text from her 45 minutes later that she couldn't find her car in the parking lot. My brother found her out there having a complete hysterical meltdown.

She hasn't been back to the hospital since.

I guess I don't expect my brothers to have canceled their vacations... but they also knew I was supposed to be on vacation. Why wasn't mine as important as theirs?

And that's what gets me. It's just expected that I'm going to be the one to drop everything.

Because I will. For Dad, I always will.

And though I'm happy that Dad acknowledges that... and tells me regularly that I'm the best of the bunch... it burns my ass that it means he also knows that the others won't do that. I had to send them all a polite reminder today that he has his cell phone and maybe a call or two would be nice.

It's not that they don't love him... they do. They just take it for granted that I'll be there to take care of things.

And that is exhausting. Because while I'm taking care of him, who's taking care of me?

Me, of course. And that's fine. I'm used to it... but, jeez, would a little acknowledgement be too much?

I started to send them all a message yesterday just asking what they'd be doing if I didn't exist. Would Dad just be lying in the hospital in monstrous pain all by himself, or would they then somehow be able to change things up and make arrangements to be there with him?

I don't know because I didn't ask. Because I'm the good kid.

Anyhoo... I'm too tired to make much sense, and certainly too tired to write a meaningful blog post about anything.

In a weird way, though, this has all helped. It's a nice reminder of how strong I really am and how much I can take on my shoulders.

So since I have the night off, I'm just going to lie in this bath, and breathe for a bit. Recharge a little before I go back to the hospital tomorrow.

And pat myself on the back, because I am fabulous.

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