Thursday, August 7, 2014

Right Is Right

He's always with me. Those shadows obviously aren't my hands.
When last we spoke, I was creating a crisis.

Because that's what I do, you know. When things are going swimmingly, I start looking for the cracks. 
So my brain created this Six Month Itch thing. And I had a minor freak out by assuming that Hugh was growing bored with me and my domestication and monogamy.
I was wrong.

I can say that. I'm a grown ass woman and I was wrong.
I don't know why I always look for the bad... and I'm too lazy to really delve into the psychology of it.

But I do know this: I have something good.

No, not good. I have something amazing. Someone amazing.
And he isn't bored with me. He doesn't want me to do anything other than make myself happy... because Happy Beth makes for a Happy Hugh. If that's being monogamous, he's good with that. If it means traipsing around SL and banging whoever I want, whenever I want, he's good with that.
Because this man genuinely loves me, and my joy brings him joy.

How lucky am I? Damned lucky.
Relationships come and go. Things happen. Do I think Hugh and I are going to be together forever? Of course not. It's SL. Someday, it's going to come to an end.

Hell, there's nothing to keep LL from shutting down all the servers... SL could cease to exist. I don't really see that happening anytime soon, but it could.
The point is, though, that Hugh and I are not going to crash and burn today. Or even tomorrow. Not on the schedule for next week, either, or even next month.

We've found something that works for us. We're both in this thing and we're both pretty fucking pleased with it.
Maybe the rings freaked me out a bit? Even though we really downplayed it, it was a pretty big deal. We're not partnering... we already are partners in the way that matters. It's just a way for us to have something. It was a commitment to each other. No ceremony, no big words, nothing like that.
I guess I expected it to change things with us... for the worse, not the better. Because that happens so, so very often in SL. And I didn't want rings to rock the boat... and in not wanting that, I start rocking my own boat in fear.
What I have with this guy is very different from anything I've ever had before. I am so used to drama seeping into my relationships. I'm used to getting shut down, and shut out. But that's not who Hugh is. That's just not the type of man he is.
He's not going to blindside me. He has my trust, and I have his. And that is a very different animal for me. And it's grand.

But it does take some getting used to.
Hugh taught me to let go... to not worry about the details and just live in the moment with who we are... what we are. I don't have to be constantly looking forward because HE is a constant. He's a rock. He's stability.
And, my god, he's happiness. He is laughter and sunshine and goofiness and excitement and fun. And when I'm down, as I have been a bit because of my brother, he's just there. For whatever I need. And it makes me smile. Big smiles. Real smiles, from my soul.
He was offline for a couple of weeks. That freaked me out, coming on the heels of the rings. It wasn't planned... things just came up out there in the real world that required his attention. And I let myself get butthurt over it.

And the silly thing? He wasn't inworld, but he was still with me. It's not like he disappeared and I didn't hear anything from him. He kept me informed... he let me know what was happening AND he let me know that he loved me and would be back to me as soon as he could.
Did he return? Yep. Are we better than ever? Yep. Was I being a goofball? Yep.

Does he love me when I'm at my very best? He sure does.

Does he love me when I'm at my very worst? Yes, he does.

He loves me. I know this. I feel this. It surrounds me every moment of every day.
How awesome is that? I mean, really? How amazing is that? There is a man who loves ME all the time! And the coolest part of it all? I feel the exact same way! We're on the same page. It's the neatest thing ever. What we've got, how we do it... it works for us. We've got a balance between RL and SL that no one could understand but us... and that's cool. It isn't for everyone, but it's for us.

It blows my mind... it's precious. And it doesn't have to come crashing down around our ears. Day by day, one step at a time. We're both enjoying it immensely. No reason for it to change. Nothing in our way... we get each other.

So... yeah. Right now, it's right. And that's what matters.

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