Sunday, January 19, 2014

Really, Asshole? Really?

Warning... I'm going to do a lot of bitching in this post. This is a rant. Proceed at your own risk.

It's really rare that I actually get up in the middle of sex and take off. Even if the guy is a lousy lay, I'll usually be nice and stick around until he gets his rocks off.

You have to be a real asshat for me to jump off a poseball and TP out.

My first mistake was going to the Chamber Society today.

I really, really want that place to be good... but it just isn't. It's chock full of avatars that are physically beautiful... and nothing else. Every damn time I go there, I end up disappointed. The place is so gorgeous. The decor drips with elegance and good taste... and that's as far as it goes. The people who hang out there as as vapid and shallow as Paris Hilton. Everyone stands around staring at each other, no one has a sense of humor... and christ, they can't emote for shit.

But still... I returned time and again, ever hopeful. No more. Today's jackass convinced me to leave the group. I'll not return to the Chamber. Ever. Fuck that place. I'd have been banned for this post anyway but I beat them to the punch... lol.

I'm not going to mention this douche nozzle's name. I've already forgotten it anyway. We chatted for a few minutes. I like arrogant men.

Correction: I like arrogant men if they can actually back up their braggadocio with actions... and emotes.

So this dick in his very sharp tuxedo said all the right things and I agreed to go back to his place with him.

His "hideaway". I expected something like my Naughty Place... but no. His furniture might not have been all freebie stuff, but it became apparent very quickly that he didn't know how to use it. And that's fine... I have stuff in the Naughty Place that has never been used... trial and error, right? Laugh it off, and emote like a mother-fucker and it's all good.
It started off okay...
Excuse me while I make a side trip off on a different tangent here.

There are two main components to what turns me on with a guy in Second Life.

One. Look good. Your physical appearance is important. I could write an entire post on the aesthetics of the Aeros cock. Xcite cocks are okay... but if that fucker starts talking to me, it's going to creep me the fuck out. I know there are a couple of other brands that are nice, too... but I'm an Aeros girl. Aside from that... skin. Hair. Shape. Guys... stop and take a picture of yourself. Blow it up so you can look at it closely. Is it full of bumps and weird sharp angles? Ditch that shit. And be careful when you tweak! You don't have to look like a body builder... it's silly looking. The bigger you make your muscles, the more angular it's going to get. Same with women and their system tits. If you just have to have giant knockers, spring for the Lolas for christ's sake. Boobs... hell, bodies in general... are not supposed to be octagonal.

Hands and feet. HANDS AND FEET. I can't stress this enough. Slink now makes hands and feet for women AND men. So, guys, there is absolutely NO reason to have Fred Flintstone feet anymore. And if you can't match the Slink feet to your current skin? Chances are your skin is a piece of shit.

If you are using Second Life for sex... you're just going to have to break down and spend some cash. Fucking do it already. Then, maybe, you'll have a chance at getting your dick sucked.

Feel free to disregard all of that if you aren't in the game for sex.
Still going okay here... but things were starting to get odd.
The second component? Learn the fuck how to fucking emote. Fuck! I couldn't give two wet shits how many thousands of lindens and hours you spend on your avi, if you don't know how to hold an erotic conversation, kindly fuck off.

My biggest erogenous zone? My brain. I'm going to tell you, in detail, what you're doing to my body, how it feels and what I'm doing to you in return. Explicitly. Sometimes using polysyllabic words. And grammar. Not always perfect, but I'm going to make the attempt. You know why?

Because I'm a fucking adult, that's why.

Your words, and the way you use them, are critically important. If you can't string two cohesive sentences together prior to just before you're about to orgasm (that's totally permissible) please shut down Second Life, go find a copy of "The Cambridge Grammar of the English Language" and study that mother fucker like your life depends on it. And when you know it intimately, cover to cover, give Second Life another try.

If all I need to orgasm is to watch a screen with two pretty bodies banging, I'll fucking watch porn.
Here's where the wheels really started coming off the wagon. We were using a scene rug. Now, I'm not too fond of scenes... I prefer more variety and control over what my avatar is doing, but whatever. I was willing to go with it as the animations seemed very fluid and quite lovely.

However, brainiac up there couldn't use the damn thing. This was about 10 minutes of "Starting scene, 18 minutes... restarting scene, 46 minutes... starting scene 22 minutes..." Over and fucking over. Finally he suggested we go upstairs to where the bed was.

Guess what? He couldn't use the bed. Did he make a joke? Explain it was new? No. Studly McStuddersons didn't say a word. Just kept clicking things. Sitting, standing. Sitting again.


As I said, though, it takes a lot for me to run away. So I stuck with it for a couple more minutes... even through this:
Now, that picture looks pretty hot. Having my slit teased by a nice cock is one of the more erotic things a man can do to me. Sliding it across my clit, slapping my pussy with it... teasing me, making me beg for it.

That's not what he was doing, though.

That's right, kids. This fuckwit didn't know how to use his cock. I've had control of an Aeros' partner HUD before. It doesn't take a damn genius to figure it out... AND it even comes with a manual!

Here's how it went...

Me: Give me that cock... need it.
Him: It's in you.

No... no, actually, it isn't. It's stuck against your belly.

And even that wasn't enough to make me run away.

He called me "bitch".

Not just no, but HELL no. I noped the fuck right out of his little hideaway without a backward glance. His profile is full of bullshit about his immense respect for women. After fucking up every single thing until that moment, it was just too much. I was beyond bored now... I was pissed the fuck off. Aroused? Not in the slightest.

It's a pretty fucking rare thing for my vagina to be completely dry, but by this point, it was the Sahara fucking Desert. My labia had shut so tightly I'm not sure Justin Timberlake, or my beloved husband, could coax them open again.

Even now. Still. The fucker ruined my libido! That... that is unforgivable! It's Sunday night and I don't have to work tomorrow, damn it.

Fuck it. Logging off. Back to porn until I find something to give me my damn groove back.

Damn it.


  1. haha Wow that's hilarious you are just saying what we are all thinking. He sounds annoying. Simone oxoxox

  2. Oy... do I ever feel your pain. I commend your patience; I would have been out of there well before that point. I have had the misfortune to be witness to a scene that went about as follows:
    Him: get on fuk u
    Her: yes fuk me pls
    (both avatars are now pounding pixel-parts together)
    Her: fuk ur big
    Him: gonna split u
    Her: fuk ys
    Him: cumming
    Her: cum in me
    Him: cumming
    (she hops off)
    Him: not done
    Him: get on
    Her: ok

    It's a sad fact that misogyny is alive and well in Second Life, and I applaud your reaction by just upping and teleporting out of there. Hopefully he got the message though I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't.

  3. Awesome......How that happened.....anyway big fan of the blog.


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