Monday, November 18, 2013

Goodbye, Zach

I've written some tough posts over the last month or so, but honestly... none as hard as this one.

You see, I have to say goodbye to my best friend in SL. He's leaving, and it's for absolutely wonderful reasons and I'm so proud of him.

But, damn, it's hard. I love this guy. I mean, I really, really love him. For so many reasons.

And I can't stop crying as I'm typing this. I'm so very happy for him... He's got great things coming his way and he deserves every single bit of it.

And I'm never going to get to talk to him again. And that breaks my heart because he's come to mean so damn much to me in such a short period of time.

He picked me up when I was absolutely falling apart. And I don't mean over the break-up, though he was there for me every second then, too. I mean when, for whatever reason, I stopped wanting to live. My family didn't know... my friends, my coworkers. I suppose those of you who read this blog knew, but Zach was right there. Right there.

How do you let someone who's done something like that for you just walk out of your life?

I don't know how to do that, even though I have to.

He dried my tears. He listened. He held me. He made sure I knew that I was loved. He made me laugh, even when everything was at its darkest.

I don't know how to say goodbye.

I've known this moment was coming from when we first met. And it just seemed like this day was so far away.

God, how many tissues am I going to go through writing this? I don't want this man to not be a part of my life. I was reading back over our chat log tonight... and that doesn't even include the hundreds of emails we've sent back and forth during the day when we were both working. So many stupid jokes, so many conversations about love and living and our pasts and our (mostly his) futures. And food. So much food. Moose tracks, gummy bears, pretzels, Mountain Dew, macaroni and cheese, cereal... <3 <3 <3

We've been lovers, yes... and a great lover he is! But I'm not crying because I'm losing the sex with him. He's been so much more than that to me. He's human... kind, sweet, smart, funny... so very real. He's been my champion. He is my champion.

We took some photos tonight because I realized I didn't have any of us wearing clothes... lol. I couldn't pick my favorites to post, so here's all of them.

I love you, Zach Wallace. You're my best friend. Being gone won't change that. I'm so very grateful to have been a part of your life, even for such a short time. You have a big place in my heart, and always, always will.

Thank you, for so much. So damn much. Thank you.

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