Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Was It Good For You, Too?

Last night, I got a mani/pedi/brow wax for $70.

Tonight, I paid for a double happy ending massage for $60.

Which was more satisfying?

Yeah... it was the mani/pedi.

Mind you, I did orgasm twice. I did not orgasm getting my mani/pedi, though I have to be honest when I say that when my little Asian nail tech gave me my leg and foot massage, my panties were wet.

So what was missing tonight?

First off... well, it's been over a year since I've seen this guy and time plays tricks on the mind. I completely forgot about the fact that as soon as he opens his mouth, my gaydar goes off.

He's not gay... but he's absolutely bisexual. This isn't a problem for me... I love bi guys, but he's just a wee bit too effeminate for my tastes.

No matter, I'm not looking to date him, right?

So anyway, the massage portion of the evening was delightful. I've never had a bad massage and this dude is right up there at the top of the best I've had.

I am nothing special... at least, my body isn't. I'm a middle-aged, overweight woman. I take care of what I've got, but still... I'm not the 22 year old hard body I once was.

Maybe I was overeager. My panting and moaning (not fake) might have enticed him to entirely skip the front of one leg and go straight for the wet spot growing between my legs. Great! I was ready at that point to be touched down there.

My hand brushed against his shorts and he was hard. I caressed, he dropped the shorts. SO MUCH PRECUM! I mean, seriously, you'd think a guy that does this for a living wouldn't be so... er... liquidy? But he was seeping.

I had fun with that. I love to play with a nice cock and enjoyed rubbing the precum all over him.

Good times.

At that point, he climbed up to join me on the table, covering me... here comes the sex, I thought!


What?! WHAT??

That's right... he didn't have a condom. Penetration was out of the question. I like to live dangerously, but that's too much. So we played around a bit with that, lots of rubbing, etc., and I was ready for another big O.

He got down and started rubbing my snatch again while I played with his cock. About the time I crested the second wave, he unleashed in my hand. And holy crap... I thought there was a lot of precum?

Voluminous amounts of cum. I can honestly say I don't think I've ever in my 44 years seen that much cum come out of one cock at one time. It was... a lot. I mean, seriously. He completely covered my hand AND my side. It was pretty astounding, really. I was impressed by how much there was.

Now, I like cum. I was disappointed I didn't get a chance to get his cock in my mouth and get a face full, which was where I wanted it.

But this girl is resourceful so I made the best of the situation, and it's not like there wasn't plenty of it to enjoy so I take my cum-coated hand, gathered the rest off my side and where it was dripping onto the table and gave myself a little cum massage. The sticky stuff just feels so good...

And that was the end of my massage. No penetrative sex, no blow job. I'm not for one second saying his hands didn't feel good on me... they did. All over. But I wanted something more.


I guess I'm still searching for whatever it is I'm looking for. I thought this would fill a void that Second Life, for all it's wonderful properties, just can't fill. But it didn't. I get more and better orgasms with my lovers on screen than I did with my masseur.

He took warm, wet towels and cleaned me off. We chatted a few minutes. I paid him. He made me promise not to wait a year to come see him again.

I went to DQ and got a burger and came home.

Even with two climaxes (three if you count his), it was still pretty anticlimactic.

Am I actually going to have to go on a date with someone to get my needs met? I hate the thought of it... dating in RL is just a hassle. Takes too much time, too much effort.

But I can't continue on with this... need... whatever it is... occupying my every waking and sleeping thought.

So that was my big night.

And here's another little video I shot... getting better, perhaps?!

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Pre-Gaming for Sex

Those of you who know me well know I have another blog, long abandoned, that I started to tell stories about my RL adventures.

My last blog post on that was about the time I paid for sex.

Well, kids, I'm going to do it again.

I don't know why I feel the need to point this out, but I do... I don't need to pay for sex. I have a variety of options at my fingertips. As a matter of fact, the dude I'm seeing tomorrow (same guy as before) offered it up for free, but I don't want that.

There are a couple of reasons... first is because it's so totally forbidden. Illegal, even. A bit dangerous. I like that.

Secondly, it comes with zero complications. I'm paying the dude... He does what I want. Hell, I don't even have to touch him unless I want to. I can just lie back on the massage table and get my happy ending(s).

There will be no late night phone calls, or emails, or whatever... unless I initiate it. Everything that happens, happens on my terms.

I fucking love it.

And he's quite masterful with his hands... and mouth. And other parts.

Anyway, pre-gaming.

I'm going to be honest here... I'm a single woman. I mean, that's no big secret, but when you live alone and don't have a regular lover, you tend to let things go. Every time I shave my snatch, I promise myself I won't let the forest get out of hand again.

I am NOT a morning person, though. The very last thing I need near my clit when I'm half-asleep in the shower in the morning is a razor! So, yeah, there's that.

Mani/pedi? Yeah, had to go for that tonight. Not that it's a pain to do... it's fucking fabulous... but I'm broke and that's a luxury item. The foot and leg massage really makes it all worthwhile, though... Jesus.

See? Pretty!
And I have pretty shiny royal blue toenails now and a delightful french manicure.
Brow wax? Oh, yes. Tweezing sucks and I do like to have a nice arch in my brow.

So that was tonight... I'm waxed, polished, shaved bare... ready to go. Until tomorrow when it's hair and makeup time.

Do guys have to go through this much? If not, they should. I won't be with a man who doesn't manscape. I don't want my mouth on a hairy bush any more than you guys do.

But... mani/pedis? Guys, if you don't get them, you really should. I mean, you really, really should. Not only is it just more aesthetically pleasing, it's a divine experience. Trust me.

So, yeah, I've spent the evening pre-gaming for sex.

I cannot wait for tomorrow!

Monday, October 28, 2013

Meeting the Photographer

No, not that one... the other one. Another one.

I've recently been approached by a couple different photographers who either admire my photography or my blog.

I enjoy taking my own pictures very much... but I also love putting myself in another's hands and letting them do the snapping.

I met up with one tonight. I adore his work... not just his erotic photography, but his landscapes are stunning. Of course I jumped at the chance to let him shoot me.

Quite literally, in fact. I do believe I may have jumped on his back. Naked even.

I can't wait to see the pictures.

As often happens when I meet with a photographer, it wasn't long before he tossed the camera aside and tossed me on my back. He invited me to take some pictures, too, but I was too preoccupied with other things to concentrate on framing shots. Hard to hold the camera when you've got a mouthful of cock.

That is not a complaint.

I love photographers.

Anyway, until he posts those pictures of us, here's some quick snaps I took at one of Olina's Halloween parties yesterday.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Shower Cam

I'm teaching myself to shoot video in SL. Most of the porn I've seen is pretty tacky, much like RL porn. It's all shot by men, for men, or by women for men. I want to make sensual, but very hardcore videos that all can enjoy.

Here's my first shot... I spent all of five minutes on this, so don't judge me too harshly! Obviously, I still need a lot of practice before I'm ready to make my first feature film!

My Punishment

I can't believe I've had these pics tucked in a folder and forgot to post them!

As we've already established, I'm submissive.

And I have a smart mouth and it sometimes gets me in trouble.

I was being especially mouthy and my BFF Zach... sweet, mild-mannered Zach... had enough and snapped. Was I pushing him on purpose? *shrug*

I had a collar on that night and the next thing I knew, he'd dragged my to my Naughty Box and flung me on my swing. And locked me up, tight. I couldn't move.

When I say I was dripping to the floor, that's not an exaggeration, but I couldn't resist smarting off to him. I might have called him a few names even.


I had a moment of true fear when he jumped off, leaving me, literally, hanging.

How far is too far?

I had to swallow my pride an apologize, profusely. Beg, even.

My penitence was rewarded. He's so good to me.

The more I apologized, the tighter he bound me and the harder he used me. It was exactly what this disobedient little girl needed.

In the end, he released me from the swing... with orders to get on my knees.

I gladly capitulated and was richly rewarded with a shower of cum, one of my most favorite things.

Spurt after spurt, all over my face, dripping off my eyelids, my nose, my chin, running down to tickle my nipples.

He allowed me the use of his cock to wipe myself clean, but only if I washed it off with my mouth... I was thrilled, of course.

Savoring every drop on my little pink tongue until I swallowed his seed.

I should really misbehave more often.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Off With Their Heads!

I had a work thing this morning that involved my ass stumbling out of bed at 4am.

I'd love to write a nice big juicy post about something terribly important but that would require energy I simply don't have at this stage of the day.

Instead, I attended a lovely costume party at Olina. I decided I should be the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland, one of my very most favorite books of all time. (Bonus fact! The Red Queen is from Through the Looking Glass... the Queen of Hearts is Alice in Wonderland and they were two very different characters!)

When I left the party, I thought I should snap a few pics before I put the costume away. Enjoy!*


*Something very strange happened to my lipstick when I uploaded these pics after number 3, and I'm just too damned tired right now to figure it out or fix it. Oh well.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Why Bi?

No, I'm not referring to anyone who is truly bisexual... If that's your thing, go for it!

However, I'm curious about why women, especially sexually open and active women, are kind of expected to be bisexual... or at least situationally bi.

But men? No, it's never ever expected of them.

If there is a group of three and it's a man and two women, there is very little question of whether or not the women are going to play together.

But god forbid you have a mfm situation and expect the two men to cross swords. That's GAY!

What a double standard.

(Double standards seem to be becoming a theme for this blog, don't they?)

With women, it's a natural and beautiful thing for them to touch and kiss and rub all over each other, right?

Let me let you guys in on a little secret... as much as you love watching two women get it on, most of us girls love watching two men together, too. Ask most women what kind of porn they watch. Gay porn is going to be right up there for a lot of them. And fan-fiction and erotica? Slash is more popular than hetero stuff... and most of it is written by women.

It's fucking sexy to see two men who are into each other going at it... and a mfm situation where all parties are equally involved and not caring about who touches who as long as it feels good? YUM!

But you know what? I'd never ask my male lovers to do things they aren't comfortable with.

So why is it okay for men to not only ask, but expect, women to get all up in each other's business?

I've done it. I did it to please my guy, which is just ridiculous when you think about it.

I've called myself situationally bi. It's just sex, right? No biggie.

I'm not into girls. I am strictly heterosexual. I love men. I love cock. Women do not turn me on sexually. I would never seek out a female lover and when other chicks hit on me, I politely decline.

Yet men still expect this. In one of the groups I belong to on SL, our group tags denote our sort-of sexual preferences... not written in stone, just sort of what we're generally looking for. X are singles, XX couples... XX3 is for three or more. And all of them have the additional B that can be added onto the end for bisexual. Almost all of the women have the B in their tags. I did, too, when I was part of a couple. It's since been removed and now I'm just an X. But I look at other women, those in couples and those who are single... so many Bs tagged on to the end.

Are all those women really bi, or are they doing it because it pleases men? My opinion, and this is only coming from me, is that they aren't really bisexual. You men have the upper hand here... we girls are, by nature, nurturing and try to please our lovers... even if it means eating pussy, something we'd normally never do. At least, something I would never normally do.

Try finding sex furniture in SL that is built for threesomes or moresomes where there are animations for bisexual men. It's almost impossible. They ALL have plenty of FMF animations where the women are all over each other... MFM with animations that involve the men touching rather than just banging the women? Almost nonexistent.

I talk a lot about equality between the sexes... I think this is just further proof that we aren't there yet. Women are still expected to do what the men want, at least in this situation, while women bite their lips and say nothing and certainly don't expect a reciprocal situation.

And that's a shame. Either men need to stop expecting all women to eat pussy when it's in front of them, or they need to be willing to suck some dick to amuse their lady friends.

Guys? What do you think? Anyone willing to bend over and take it in the ass for my pleasure?

No? Didn't think so. So don't expect me to munch on any carpet to get you off, either.

Not saying I'll never be with a woman again... I'm fluid enough to flow with the situation if it feels good to me.

But I won't be bi just to tickle your masculine fancies.

Ladies, stand up for yourselves... If you don't want to do it, say no. If it's something you're really and truly into, go for it, but don't feel pressured because you're afraid your man will think you're a prude if you don't do it. And if he sulks about it... well, fuck that. Turn the tables. Tell him you'll do it if he'll suck cock for you.

Fair is fair, right?

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Who's Full Of Shit...?

This girl, that's who!
So earlier tonight I blogged about emotional non-emotional sex. And I meant it, I did.

Woman do not fall in love with every man they meet.

After I posted, I went into Second Life, trying to find something I was in the mood for.

ROMANCE! That's what I wanted!

I dolled myself up in my most gorgeous formal and trekked off to Frank's. I know, I know.

But, anyway, I met this dude... nice guy. Handsome. Military. We chatted, he asked me to dance... romance out the wazoo.

I was miserable and bored to tears.

I realized that as much as I might want to sometimes, I can't create romance. I wanted, very badly, to feel a connection to someone. To feel important and cherished and validated in my humble existence.

I wanted to feel like a girl.

A pretty, desired girl. Woman. Not like a filthy, slutty whore.

I just felt empty. I wanted to be held, yes... but by someone who meant something. By someone I meant something to.


I wish I was a far simpler woman than I am. Wish I could be completely content whoring my way around Second Life (and real life, too, for that matter).

I'm searching... I know that. I just don't know what I'm searching for. I really liked being first in someone else's life when I was with the dude.

After the breakup, I really liked throwing off the (self-imposed) shackles and being free to be where I wanted, when I wanted, with who I wanted.

When I was in a relationship, I wanted my freedom to explore and play. Out of a relationship, I want to be tied down... just a bit.

The balance has to be there somewhere, right? Where's the guy I can lean on when I need to? And who will look the other way when I need to spread my wings?

I want everything and nothing. I want to be used like a filthy whore then turn around and be treated like a cherished goddess.

I want to lie on a crate and be fucked over and over by a room full of handsome men... and I want to be whisked off my feet and taken to the most romantic private spot in Second Life and romanced until I cry.

I want to give of myself, and be given to in return.

I don't ask for much, do I?

Do I deserve it, though? Yes. We all do.

I want... something. Something just beyond my reach... it's nothing but a faint glimmer on the horizon right now. I don't know what it is. But it's out there, and I just can't reach it. I'm stretching, aching for it... whatever it is.

I'll keep going, moving forward, trying not to look behind me.

She says, walking towards the horizon, glancing back over her shoulder.

I Love You... But I'm Not IN Love With You...

Guys... c'mere. We need to chat. 

This morning, I had a brief conversation with a lover. One I've had numerous times in my 44 years and it got me thinking. Actually, it got me pretty irritated. 

Men and women approach sex differently... even NSA sex.

Hell, men and women are just different. We gals are by nature more emotional. Men are supposed to spread their seed and propagate the species... women are supposed to nurture. Got it. 

That doesn't mean, however, that every time we trip over one of your dicks, BOOM, we're in love. 

I get this warning a lot... "I'm not looking for a relationship right now. We're having fun, but that's all there is, okay?"

Yes, it's fucking okay. Did I ever give any hint that it wasn't? That I was looking for something more? 

As a woman... it's fucking presumptuous and insulting. It's a double-damn standard. How would you guys like to hear this every time we fuck? 

"Look, I enjoy fucking you. It's great, really. But don't go falling in love with me, okay? I know it's hard, since I'm so fucking awesome, but (pats you on the head), I'm just not looking for a relationship right now."

Sounds pretty asinine, doesn't it?

I love men. I mean, I really fucking love you guys and love fucking you. When we're together doing the nasty, I love you... and I mean that as in I love you because you're a man. I'm not in love with you. There is a huge difference there. 

How dare any of you think your deep-dickin' is so great that I immediately fall in love? Jesus fucking Christ, guys. C'mon! Stop that shit!

As a heterosexual woman, men are amazing. I adore you. Your taste, your scent, your raw masculinity... your cocks. And I want you to spread your seed not just inside me, but all over me. I crave it. I really do.

That's not love, dolls. That's lust and maybe it can be easily confused for love by some. When I'm writhing beneath you, babbling and moaning and begging you to fuck me harder, that's my pussy talking, not my heart.

And when I'm telling you how good you fuck me? Babes, that's praise for a job well done. 

The message here, gentlemen, is to stop getting ahead of yourselves. If my heart gets involved in things, trust me, you'll know it. 

I'm an effusive and vocal lover. Don't mistake it for anything more than that. 

The men I fuck all have qualities that I love... otherwise, why would I be fucking you? Every single one of you is different and wonderful in your own unique way. I seek those qualities in my guys. Having traits that I love doesn't mean I'm going to suddenly be ass-over-teacups in love with you. 

Stop being so damn patronizing and misogynistic and thinking it's your job to protect my fragile little female heart. When you're getting your dicks wet, you're feeling the same things... maybe not so vocal about it, but it's there. Endorphins and adrenaline and all sorts of hormones are wildly thrashing around in our bodies and makes us talk crazy. 

If we're doing it right, that is. 

Some of you I suspect get off on thinking that your love-making skills are so outstanding that women can't help but fall in love with you. Okay, I get that. You're seeking some validation. Great. But you need to check yourself before you start spilling those stupid lines I quoted above because that's all on you and it's all in your head.

And every time I hear it, the urge to clamp my thighs shut and hang out the "pussy closed" sign is massive. 

I'll stroke your egos and your cocks... but don't forget that an Aeros is a dime a dozen. Pretty cocks can be found everywhere... SL and RL. You're going to have to be more than a great fuck before you take my heart. 

I think you're the bomb-diggity. I do. I'm particular about who I fuck. If we're banging, it's because I'm drawn to you, yes. Maybe someday I will fall in love with one of you but that day isn't going to be today.

So... guys. Swallow those words the next time you consider saying them. Take a step back, breath deeply and let it go. 

And take your pants off. I want to fuck. 

Monday, October 21, 2013

Good vs. Bad

Here's a thought that popped into my mind last night.

Good girls want the bad boys.

Good boys want the bad girls.

Nice boys finish last, but good girls are the ones that get taken home to meet mom.

Bad boys and bad girls clash, too explosive.

Good girls and boys bore each other.

Where's the balance? The bad boy will inevitably break the good girl's heart. The bad girl will either turn the good boy into a bad boy or leave him in the dust for the next challenge.

I'm no different, yet I straddle the line between good and bad. I want to be a good girl, I do. But I can't control the bad side. The naughty side that could never fully commit to one other person.

Since the breakup, I've taken a few lovers. And in certain ways, I adore each of them.

I have a boy that loves me. We met in Second Life but our interactions are mostly outside of that. He wants to treat me like a goddess... a queen. Put me on a pedestal and admire me. He cherishes me and wants to show me in every way.

Oh, how I'd love to be able to give that back to him. I've told him that I'm not in a place to give my heart to anyone. He doesn't care. He simply loves me.

I'm going to hurt him again. For the second time. I can't help it. I enjoy what I have with him, but it won't be more than that... I don't have it to give him. I don't have that to give to anyone at the moment and I know myself well enough to know I'll never be able to feel as deeply for him as he does for me.

I'm aware of this.

I'm aware he's not bad enough for me. And I'm not good enough for him.

My problem... well, one of many of my problems... is that I want to be a bad girl who is treated like a good girl.

I am a bad girl.

And I love the bad boys.

Maybe I'm over-simplifying things. I'm a woman with many layers... we all are. Complex, confounding human beings driven both by our brains and our instincts. The two are bound to clash at times.

I am darkness and light. I'm a Pollyanna who consistently sees the best in people, yet loves to test the limits, to see just how far you can push another person into the abyss. And to see just how far I can be pushed. The men who encourage my wickedness are the ones I'll return to again and again.

And I love it. I love it more than being good. Our bodies are built for pleasure... to seek and to give it.

Who am I to fight that?

Sunday, October 20, 2013

An Unpopular Opinion

I've been saving this post waiting for the pinkwashing of October to sort of die down, but here goes anyway.

Fuck Susan G. Koman and fuck all the fucking pink.

Here's a little tidbit of information Koman would like you to not be so aware of- Breast cancer isn't the only cancer out there.

Shocking, I know.

But seriously, is anyone NOT aware of breast cancer at this point?
I know it's fun to jump on the bandwagon, but fuck... enough, already. 

My first issue with Koman is the use of the money they raise. I'm in fundraising. It's what I do for a living and I understand better than most people that you have to spend money to raise money. I try hard not to focus on percentages of admin/fundraising costs vs. dollars raised. I'm very aware of the public perception, though. My place 89 cents of every dollar raised goes directly to our programs. That's pretty good, but it certainly doesn't tell the full story. I also understand that for an organization the size of Koman, you have to pay the executive director well. Nancy Brinker makes $634,000 a year. Up a whopping 64% over her 2010 salary.

Come the fuck on! Really? A 64% increase even through her enormous Planned Parenthood fuck up? That's not acceptable to me. She should have been fired. Instead, she was richly rewarded.
 Secondly, if you want to fund research for breast cancer cures, that's great. Why give the money to the middle-man, which is essentially what Koman is? Give directly to the research facilities doing the work.
 Thirdly, and this is very personal to me, where is the awareness and support for other forms of cancer? I know it's out there, but Koman has absolutely obliterated support for others.

My mom died from colon cancer. It was a horrible thing to witness... She was such an amazing woman and my life is forever scarred, not just by losing her, but by watching the cancer ravage her body. Seeing the last breath escape her beautiful face. 

And it didn't have to be that way. Colon cancer is almost entirely preventable. Mom refused to get a colonoscopy and paid with her life.
I'll be getting my second one next year. I got my first at 40 after fighting with my doctor who was unaware that when you have a direct link to colon cancer, you need to start at age 40, not 50. Can you imagine that? A doctor not knowing that? Perhaps if there were as much awareness about colon cancer as there is for breast cancer, she'd have known. She certainly sent me for my first mammogram at 40.

There is nothing fun about getting a tube with a camera stuck up your butt. Okay, that's not true... I was knocked out cold for the procedure and woke up stoned and happy as a clam. 

But the day before... oh, fuck that! Forget the whole not eating for 24 hours... that was bad, but nothing compared to drinking that nasty stuff and spending the next 12 hours sitting on the toilet shitting molten lava. Nothing can prepare you for the misery of that, but you know what? I survived. It was no big deal.

The procedure itself can remove the polyps that are the very early stages of colon cancer. The discomfort is a truly small price to pay. Mine was all clear, by the way. A very healthy colon... for now. I'll go back every five years to not but myself or my family through what we went through with Mom.

So, anyway... Fuck Pinktober. I resent the shit out of it and every pink thing that goes along with it.

Enjoy these pictures of my butt hole. And go find out what's up yours.

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