Thursday, December 21, 2017

*record scratch*

sigh
Yes, I have to revisit this one last (hopefully) time.


There are times when I post something on this blog and people misconstrue the meaning of what I'm saying. I stress often that this blog is basically my journal and I use it to suss through all the mess in my brain to figure out what it really is I'm thinking or trying to say or to puzzle through a decision or situation that is troubling me.

And sometimes it's also about something or someone making me ridiculously happy.

It always makes me feel great when someone reaches out to me to say they got something out of one of my posts. It means I'm not alone, and I believe helps show others that their troubles and emotions and joys are shared with others.

It seems, though, there may have been some confusion regarding the message of my last two posts, though I'm not sure how.

At least one person has taken it to mean I think it's okay to lie.

Let me make this exceedingly clear.

It is not okay to lie to anyone in Second Life, or real life, about your gender or sexual orientation in order to fuck with other people.

Do I need to repeat that?

It is not okay to lie to anyone in Second Life, or real life, about your gender or sexual orientation in order to fuck with other people.

I received an offline message today from one of my Flickr followers who also reads this blog. Since I was at work during all this, our conversation was fairly slow in happening, and this person is French so some of it required a bit of deciphering.

This person has a stunning female avatar. I mean, seriously, fucking gorgeous. If I'd met this person out in a club, I would have been attracted.

But the first message I got was something along the lines of "You know in real life I am a male so I understand completely what you're saying."

Okay, great! I assumed this was biological man who is either transgendered, transsexual, or simply a  cross dresser and I thought it was wonderful that she was confiding in me and was comfortable doing so. I started asking her questions...

And he admitted that he is a straight male who views SL as a game. He is essentially playing a woman for the sole purpose of fucking with people.

I am absolutely dying to call this person out by name, but it's not my place to out anyone, even if it's outing him for being a complete douche canoe. 

As we exchanged messages, I wanted to make sure that he didn't have something on his profile indicating his true gender and orientation. Nope. I found this instead, on his real life tab, "- i am a french woman".

He models as a woman, he has a family as a woman (one of those goofy SL families with a mother and bunch of sisters... maybe they're all men fucking with people. I don't know.)

He belongs to many of the same adult clubs that I do. He fucks men and women, it seems from his Flickr stream, and he doesn't tell any of them he is a straight man fucking with them for his own amusement. I asked him flat-out if he tells people he's a man and his answer was no.

He said that if people find out and get mad, he just blocks them.

And that's when I got angry. Well, it had been building, but I wanted to make sure I wasn't misunderstanding anything he was saying.

I asked him why. I asked him what he gets out of it. I asked him if he had any empathy for the people he was screwing with.

No, he doesn't. Isn't that scary? And he thought I would be an understanding person and give him a pat on the back for all his deceit?

No. Fuck no.

I told him about the incident that made me leave SL for over a year when I found out a "man" I had feelings for was actually a woman just role-playing. My trust was destroyed. I tried to make him understand how it made me feel to that find out. How much it hurt.

I tried to explain that the people behind the avatars are real people, with real feelings and real emotions and that it's not just a game for a lot of people.

He's not new at this, people. His avatar is over 7 years old. He's been pulling this shit on people for more than 7 years! And he thinks it's funny! He tried to feed me this bullshit about how he likes to be able to see things from a female perspective. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. He'd already told me that SL was just a game to him.

This would be very different if he was a man who felt he was born into the wrong gendered body, but he isn't.

He's just an asshole.

So, ladies and gentlemen, when you're trying to pick up that stunning French brunette at Teqi's or Mysterium's, or the Chamber, or at Frank's Place, or at Elysium, with a profile full of her sisters, her availability for modeling (for free!) and no voice, no cam, no Skype and no pictures, beware.

Maybe you care, maybe you don't. I know there are some who don't give a shit about the gender of the person behind the avatar. Again, this would be different if he were exploring a side of his sexuality or his gender, but he isn't. This isn't about his true orientation or gender... it's about his lying. He's just trolling for shits and giggles and doesn't give a good god damn about anyone he might hurt.
This bothers me. This makes me fucking furious. I have a big fucking issue with being lied to, and I despise people who lie so easily, without care, and without... Jesus, without any humanity

And the reason this entire mess with my ex-lover has me so devastated is because he is putting me in the same category of liar as this piece of shit. And I don't want to be in the same category as this piece of shit.

Again, I don't think I lied. Sexual orientation is fluid. It changes. Our needs and desires and passions change. At different points in my life I have considered myself 100% straight, 100% bisexual, and more than once I've wished I could just be 100% gay because men can be a pain in the ass.

If I had to put a percentage on it today, I would say it's 90/10. Last week when I was hoping to be in a love affair with my guy and another woman, it was probably around 60/40. I desperately wanted to find a gorgeous woman that I clicked with, emotionally and sexually, to bring into this relationship. I had intense sexual fantasies about the three of us. I so fucking badly wanted it and it kills me to be called a liar.

I need all this fucking drama out of my Second Life. I want to go back in time a week or so and never have that damn conversation about orientation and for none of this to have ever started. Back when we were having fun... so much damn fun... and nothing was so serious.

I understand why he cut me off... if I was, in fact, a liar, because believe me, the jackass I talked with today has now been blocked seven ways from Sunday. I don't want to see him, speak to him, acknowledge him or know he exists.

So I absolutely get the anger of my guy, my ex guy, if I had lied. I'd cut me off, too.

And the part of all this that is absolutely killing me is that I have absolutely no way of proving to him that I didn't lie. It's not like sending him a photo to prove my gender or something concrete that you can see. I don't have a membership card for "Bisexuals R Us". Photos of me with women in SL? Yes, I have those but as anyone knows, scenes can be faked.

I can't prove to him that I'm not lying, and he won't take my word for it because I love cock too much.

It would be funny if it wasn't so heart-breaking.

And just once more, because it clearly needs to be said again.

It is not okay to lie to anyone in Second Life, or real life, about your gender or sexual orientation in order to fuck with other people.

1 comment:

  1. You should out the fucker here and on http://slsecrets.com/ -Al

    ReplyDelete

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