Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Do You Think This Is A Fucking Game?

Note: Oops... Sometimes I forget that not everyone gets my sense of humor, and they can't necessarily "see" the tone of voice I'm using.

The title of my last blog post was pulled right from a meme... this one.
I was a bit confused until I started getting all these messages asking if I was okay. "Er... yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

I'll try from now one to include the subtext any time I use some dank meme I ripped off the internet! ;-)

On some level, I understand why people create alts and start all over in Second Life. Hell, I did it seven years ago when I ditched my first avatar and made Beth Macbain.
As you can see, she hasn't been updated in a minute...
In my case, it was because my first avatar was so far off from who I was that it didn't feel like me. I wanted to be in SL as myself, as much as I could be, right down to using my real first name.

I know some people start over again for similar reasons. Some have nutty exes they're trying to get away from. And a great many have reasons I don't know or understand.

I'm going to tell you about two different situations I've had with men who I later found out were alts of people I already knew.
Several months ago, the very same evening Hugh broke up with me, I met this guy. I had gone to bed and been unable to sleep. I got out of bed, emotionally raw, and logged in with the thought of "Fuck it, I've been monogamous for nearly two years now... I'm getting laid." I went to Teqi's and there was a fellow there that I'd seen someplace else just a few days before and I was interested. While I was trying to figure out how to approach him, he approached me. We talked for an hour or so and hit it off amazingly.

He didn't try to sleep with me, though if he'd asked, I would have. But he knew I was going through something rough and didn't make that move. The very next day, he sent me an email saying he had something he needed to talk to me about. We met up that night and he told me the truth - he was actually someone I'd known for several years, since before Hugh. We'd flirted but our circumstances were never such that we could get together. We were never close. more of a flirtation than anything. Hell, I don't know if we'd ever met face to face before.

Regardless, he wanted to come clean with me before we went any further. He told me everything, answered every question I had, and gave me every opportunity to walk away.
I didn't, of course. Whatever his reasons for creating the alt, he explained them to me before we'd done anything more than a quick kiss goodnight on the cheek.

As this was all happening, and my relationship with this fellow was in its early stages, I received an email from another old friend. Someone I'd known even longer, and someone I'd even slept with once. We hadn't spoken in years and he'd since left SL for reasons not known to me. But suddenly I was getting this email from him out of the blue.

He was warning me about the guy I was seeing. That he was an alt and shared the dirty laundry he know of this guy with me, including a cut and paste job of a bunch of old Plurks about my new love... some of those Plurks were six years old. He was just letting me know "as a friend."

Of course, everything he told me I already knew. I informed him of that, thanked him for looking out for me and never heard another word from him.
Flash forward to when I was opening Ruined.

There was a guy who joined immediately. As a matter of fact, he was the first person to request membership. He looked hot, I'd seen him around a few places, seemed to be a decent guy, and we banged a couple of times. I was talking to another friend about him who had also slept with him, and she told me that she suspected he was the alt of someone we both knew. Someone we'd both known for years.

So I asked him... and he confirmed it. Yep, he was the same guy who emailed me to warn me about the other guy being an alt.

...

...

...

I honestly didn't think a lot about it at the time. I was opening my own club and it was a very stressful, time-consuming thing. The sordid details about the pasts of the guys I was sleeping with wasn't really a concern and it wasn't any sort of serious relationship, nor was it going to be.

Now I've had some time to think about it, and I've also heard some things from some other women that he did the same thing to. He'd befriended them, slept or engaged in prolonged flirtation with them, and then disappeared, only to reappear as someone else, hanging out in the same places, meeting the same women, in some cases sleeping with them, partnering with them, without ever letting them know they knew him from before.

That is not making a fresh start - That is playing a very shitty game.

It's being dishonest and deceitful. I don't consider Second Life a game, and I make that clear to those I get involved with. This guy used me. And he had the fucking nerve to call out this other guy for doing the same thing? No, not even the same thing. Guy #1 was honest with me. This guy wasn't.
And he did the same thing with other women. In his view, Second Life is a game to be played and you level up by fucking women by any means possible.

Do you see the difference between Guy #1 and Guy #2 and how, though they both started over with new avatars, the circumstances and situations were completely different? One respected me enough to tell me the truth before I asked - and I wouldn't have. I never even suspected. The other one saw me only as a means to get his dick wet, completely disregarding the human being behind the avatar.

No. No, thank you. I want no part of that. The more I've learned, the angrier I've gotten. I don't use the block function very often, but I'm using it now. And not just in Second Life. On Flickr, on Google, on any other means this guy could use to contact me. I don't want to hear his story or his excuses. I generally believe people should be given a chance to explain themselves, but not this time.
So while I may not be with Guy #1 any longer, he still someone I love dearly. He has been in my corner, both as Avatar #1 and Avatar #2, for years and years, to this very day. If I'm feeling down about something, if I post something here that indicates I'm not feeling great physically or emotionally, he's there. Always. He is always looking out for me, and I love him.

Guy #2, though... well, he can fuck right off. I have no wish to see or hear from him ever again. Ever. Now that I've written this out and gotten it off my chest, he ceases to exist to me. There are just some things you don't come back from - this is one of them.
My purpose in posting this? I don't know. To let me sort through it all in my own head, certainly. So he can read it and know why he can't get in touch with my anymore. And maybe as a warning to others to always think long and hard before trusting someone.


6 comments:

  1. Very well said, Beth, and I agree 100%. That second guy is a manipulative ass of the first order. I really cannot fathom why someone does that. To me that is rank dishonesty. It's one thing to put on a seeming - younger, more beautiful, furry, alien, cyborg - but to do so in order to express yourself.

    To do something like what he did - basically to be a stalker and a liar - yes. You're well rid of him because he is exactly the sort of person who will now have you wondering if the sexy new guy you just met is in fact him... no-one needs that kind of doubt and cold water on their fantasy life.

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    Replies
    1. I'll be cautious... I'm always a bit cautious... but it won't change me from letting people in. :-)

      Delete
  2. I think Rhiannon expressed the worst part of it for me... I'm not sure I'll be able to meet a new man, or any person, without having an initial feeling of distrust and question. Of course, I'll be able to get past that as I get to know them -- I think I can spot the stripes now ... but that joyful innocence of opening up to new people is gone. And that is sad, 'cause I still kinda think that most people are open and generous -- even in virtual worlds.

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    Replies
    1. I have to admit that I, too, will always have some suspicion until I know enough about the man to know he's not a new version of the asshat.

      But, yes, most really are open and generous... and those are the people who matter. :-)

      Delete
  3. Since the subject is alts and 2 *males* have come out as alts to you as a way into your current *life* , has it entered your mind that alt 1 and alts 2 could possibly be the exact same *male*? People who make alts to cause trouble do it for one reason only.

    I'm open to NOBODY even avatars I have virtually known for years. Trust is a huge thing, once it's lost it's lost. No one gets in. But that's just me.

    Sorry this happened. Welcome to the virtual world.

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    Replies
    1. I can't say how I know they're not the same person without revealing too much personal info about the people in question - but I do know they aren't the same person.

      Yes, trust, once lost, is gone forever... but in my years of SL, I've met hundreds of wonderful, trustworthy people and just a few assholes. And I won't let those few assholes change who I am! :-)

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