Saturday, June 4, 2016

True Grit

No regrets.

I would never change one second of the things that have happened in my life, good and bad, because every single experience has shaped me, and continues to shape me, into the woman I am.

And I'm pretty freaking awesome, if I do say so myself.
It's time to stop wallowing and stop being bitter because I took a gamble on love and lost. I know he didn't mean to hurt me... I know damn good and well that it was never his intention. And I can't hold a grudge against a woman I don't even know for grabbing hold of the man she loves, and has loved for a hell of a lot longer than I've known him. 

I'd have done the same thing. And if I were in his shoes, I'd also have done the same thing. As a matter of fact, I did. Or at least tried to way back when I met Hugh and was partnered to someone else. That didn't really work... thank god... and I ended up with my beloved for the next two years.

All the same, you don't just throw away someone that has history and meaning and love because someone new came along and tickled your fancy for a bit. The difficult choice he made, the correct choice, shows integrity.  
And I wouldn't have fallen for him if he wasn't a man of integrity.

He's not a player. He didn't mean for what happened to happen. And when we got together, he was free to do so.

Yes, I'm defending him. I don't want anyone to think badly of him. I wish I'd know more about what he was coming out of before I went and fell ass over teacups, but... well, if wishes were horses and all that.
None of that changes the fact that he's one of the good ones. If anything, this should lift him in the eyes of anyone who knows him. He was faced with a situation that was impossible. There was absolutely no way someone wasn't going to get hurt. And it wasn't intentional... sometimes there is just collateral damage along the path to happiness. He made his choice, the right choice.

And I'm going to pull myself up by my bra straps and get on with it. I've licked my wounds, stomped my foot a couple of times and shed a lot of tears. 

But being bitter and holding grudges and anger just isn't me. 
What's next for Beth?

That's a good question. I'm having some trouble right now running [ruined] because it's where I met him. And right now, I don't want to be there.

That sucks. I started to go there a few times today but just couldn't make myself do it. It's got the memories of him now. And that's on me. I've got to figure out a way to get back to enjoying my club and not being melancholy because of what happened there.

I'm giving it some time. I've stepped back from the club for the time being rather than just tearing it down. There are some amazing people involved with that place and it would be terrible to just destroy it because my heart is a little bruised.

But for right now... no, there's no [ruined] for me.
So I'm taking a lot of photos and staring at myself a lot. Hoping my libido comes roaring back to life anytime now. Anyone want to help with that... lol?

I'm trying. Flailing around a bit, but I'm trying.
One thing I do know, though, is she better treat him right. No, better than right. She better worship the damn ground he walks on. Because if she doesn't? If it doesn't work out between them? I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. I lost this time, but I'm still right here.

And I still think he's the bee's knees.

1 comment:

  1. Very emotional your post. Still I have goosebumps after reading it.
    You have a gold heart.

    ReplyDelete

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