Thursday, June 9, 2016

[ruined] no more

"I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be." ~ Douglas Adams 

Well, it was fun while it lasted but I'm just not cut out to own, or run, a club in Second Life.

My little place has shut down.

[ruined] didn't fail... I did. I just didn't have the energy, or desire, to devote the time needed to make it everything it could be. And there are much better ways to spend my leisure time in SL than working... and that's what it became. Work.

I have to say I learned a lot. I really didn't think this whole thing through before I opened it. Before this, I've had two other jobs in SL... one as a stripper and one as a hostess. I lasted about a day in each job before I felt bored by the entire thing and overwhelmed by having obligations in SL.
I think the idea I had for [ruined] probably isn't so different from the idea that many other club owners have had... I don't know that there was really anything original in my ideas. And I think that probably many other club owners had to adjust their vision in order to become successful club owners.

I'm too much of a control freak, I guess, to let that vision turn into something else. I even thought about offering the club to someone else to run but I didn't want to see it become something I didn't want it to be. For me, the best option, the only option, was to close it down.

We really sort of ended up with two very different groups of people... We had the group who came to the club to fuck and really weren't much interested in anything else, and then we had the group who wanted to hang out and talk.
I liked the hang-out-and-talkers. We had some very interesting conversations, didn't we? That part was wonderful but I felt it was a bit at war with the other group, as well as what my original vision was. It made me feel a bit disingenuous, I guess? Because I really liked it when people weren't having sex... when we were just hanging out on the dock or sitting around the bar talking about anything and everything under the pixel sun.

Now I want to start a quiet little coffee shop for the conversationalists in the group... lol! Perhaps that'll be my next venture now that I've learned more about owning a place. Bethie's Beanery, anyone?

As for the sexual aspects of the club...
Well, that was my fault. I thought I was opening the place up with my boyfriend... and he disappeared before the place even opened. But then... holy shit, THE MAN walked into the club one day and swept me off my feet. And just as fast as he found me, he left me. And I was crushed.

That was really probably the end of [ruined] for me. Oh, not his breaking it off with me... before that, when I met him and realized that what I wanted more than [ruined] was to have that one special person in my life and to spend the majority of my SL with him... not being in an open relationship, not swinging, not fucking in public, but just sinking into him.

And when it ended so quickly, [ruined] was ruined for me. We met there, we started falling for each other there... and even more than that, I wasn't interested in having sex with anyone else. I'm still not. I'm sure my libido will come roaring back to life in good time, but for right now I'm just licking my wounds and re-centering myself.

So it's on to the next chapter, whatever that is! I'm not sad... I do feel a bit like I disappointed a lot of people, and probably delighted others, by failing. But I said from the beginning that if it wasn't fun for me, I wasn't going to do it. And, unfortunately, it wasn't fun for me.

Don't get me wrong... I met some fabulous people! People I hope to stay in touch with! As a matter of fact, I'm not going to close down the group. Members can choose to stay or leave if they wish since there is not club to go to, but for anyone who wants to stay, and stay in contact, that's great. :-)
All in all, this was a positive experience. I met wonderful people and made awesome new friends. I had a couple magnificent lovers. I loved Caity's beach! I fell in love and I can never feel bad about that even if it perhaps didn't end the way I wanted it to.

I mean, I did it! I would have always wondered what could have been if I hadn't tried it. I went outside my comfort zone and did it. And I'll always be proud of that.

So maybe I'll try something else again someday. The coffee shop or something. I don't know. But not today, and not tomorrow, and probably not next week or month, either.

Right now I'm just going to shop. And work on my house. Take some photos. Hope that another Mr. Right will come walking into my world.

And more than anything else, I'm just going to fucking relax. What does Gwyneth call it? Self-care? I'm gonna do some of that.

And for today, that's enough.

Thanks for sharing this journey with me.

And now back to your regularly scheduled unBethical programming!




3 comments:

  1. I'm sorry [ruined] didn't work as you hoped it would, Beth. For myself, I enjoyed it very much; I just wish the press of RL right now would have allowed me to spend more time there. Thank you for trying it, though. You created a wonderfully welcoming place, once I felt safe in. I remember having that wonderful conversation one evening with a bunch of us, about SL and sexuality and what we were hoping to find/create.

    From what you've written here, I think it helped you clarify in your mind what it is you seek, and if that's the case, then as far as I can see, [ruined] wasn't a waste of time at all. All of this is discovery and sometimes you have to go down the dead-end trail and then re-trace your steps - or realized that something wasn't a stop or a destination, but a layover on the journey. Those layovers are just as necessary as the stops and destinations, too.

    So again, thank you for creating [ruined], and thank you for inviting me to be part of it. I'll treasure the memory of the club, and of the members I met. Most importantly, I'm very glad I got to meet you in virtual person. You're good people. When next I'm in-world, may I friend you, and we can at least chat about whatever seizes our imaginations, from time to time?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Beth for the time we could be a part of it. It was fun, it was a lovely place even to chat in the night. And it's sad it's gone. But I totally understand you! With a club you have to invest so much of your time. I had a job as a beach guard in Turtle Coast and gave it up because I had not enough time for myself then. I loved to be there and miss it but I understand!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have just installed iStripper, so I can have the best virtual strippers on my taskbar.

    ReplyDelete

Recent Posts