Friday, June 26, 2015

Love Wins!

I had a big grouchy blog post written and ready to go today about shopping etiquette... but fuck it!
I'm am absolutely over the moon with joy over the Supreme Court's decision today. I mean, I am absolutely giddy with it. I haven't stopped smiling.

I have about a million arguments for why gay marriage should be legalized and recognized everywhere... but I don't need them today. In the US, today those arguments don't matter because it's now the law of the land. 

"It is so ordered."

You may ask me why, as a heterosexual woman, am I so completely overjoyed. Well, for a few reasons... firstly, because the Supreme Court said no, your religion can't get in the way of other people's beliefs. Secondly, because I have so many friends and family members who are now equal in the eyes of the law and can live their lives just the same as I can.

But mostly, it's just because love. Love, love, love, love, LOVE! 

As you all well know, I'm a woman ass over teacups in love with the most amazing man on the planet, and I'm free to shout that from the treetops and no one will bat an eye. Now others are free to celebrate their love, too. No, Hugh and I haven't made ourselves even SL official, and we're certainly not going to be walking down any aisle anytime soon... but as an adult man and adult woman, we could if we wanted to. Everyone should have that opportunity if they so choose. Everyone. 

Because love is the best thing this world has going for it, and it should be celebrated... loudly, proudly and abundantly. In all its myriad shapes and forms. 

(I mean, of course, between consenting adult humans, in case there was any question about that.)

So today I celebrate. I celebrate with my LGBT brothers and sisters. I celebrate you, and I celebrate love. 

Saturday, June 20, 2015

We're Done Here, Right?

I'm talking to you, United States of America.

We're finally done, right? I mean surely after the cold-blooded murder of nine innocent people in a mother-fucking church just because of the color of their skin, we can all finally agree that we have a gun problem, right? RIGHT? We can finally have the conversation that needs to be had about the Second Amendment and what it really means??

It's so obvious, isn't it? We have a problem.

Oh, wait... I forgot. THIS is the same country that didn't want to politicize it when a 20 year old managed to kill 20 six and seven year olds while they were sitting in their classrooms.

The slaughter of children wasn't enough to make us make some fucking changes, so the deaths of nine black folks is hardly going to cause a blip on the radar.

I live in a country where if I walked outside topless with these hanging out...
...people would be scandalized. 

God forbid anyone should see one of these...
Why, they'd be scarred for life. FOR LIFE.

If I went outside my house nude, I'd be arrested, thrown in jail, my family would be horrified (actually, my family is pretty cool and probably wouldn't be ashamed at all)... I'd most certainly lose my job, which would mean losing my home. I'd probably end up on the streets. 

Nudity is a crime. Something to be ashamed of.

But apparently we're okay with this. 
My fellow Americans, we're a bunch of fucking idiots. A collective blight on this planet. Shame on us. SHAME ON US.

I live in Kentucky. We've got a lot of gun owners here. And not a single fucking one of them belongs to a "well organized militia". And if you don't know how that relates to the Second mother-fucking Amendment, perhaps you ought to read the god damn thing. Hell, I don't even know anyone who belongs to a poorly regulated militia. 

I am so disgusted... horrified... by what this country has become. This monster said he was there "to shoot black people". Today, republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush is unsure what motivated the shooting. He goddamn said he was there to shoot black people.

And this is what is at the crux of our problem- American conservatives have their heads so far up their asses they simply cannot see the truth that is right in front of them, in the form of 12,560 bloody corpses in 2014 alone. 

Why aren't the conservatives horrified by this? I mean, allegedly, they're human. 

Look, the god damn Constitution of the United Fucking States of America is a fucking piece of paper. It's the SOP of this country... Standard Operating Procedures. Every company has one, and if they're worth anything, they're constantly revising it and changing it with the times.

But, oh no, not the precious Constitution. It's a sacred historical document and it must not be changed.

How god damn stupid is that? Jesus fucking Christ, people. You simply cannot believe... you cannot believe... that our country's forefathers had this shit in mind when they drafted the Second Amendment. Our citizens, our children, are being slaughtered because some dead guys wrote a paper a few hundred  years ago before we had, you know, electricity.

I'm just gobsmacked. The abject stupidity of American conservatives is astounding. 

Oh, and the evil... the pure, unfiltered evil. I'm speaking of the NRA now. Let's not fool ourselves for one second into thinking they are anything other than a hate group- a terrorist organization. They are far, far more dangerous and evil than ISIS. And they have congress in their pockets

It makes me sick. It all just makes me so damn sick.

The president is angry, and that's a good thing. 

The problem is that his hands are tied by congress, and therefore tied by the NRA and their money and their god damn lies about how Americans need guns in their hands to protect themselves from the boogeyman. And there are so many ignorant Fox News watching morons that just feed on all those lies... just swallow them up as if Jesus Christ himself appeared before them and told them they must own at least a dozen automatic weapons. 

Guess what, you jackasses? Jesus was a peace-loving hippy who loved everyone and would never have owned a gun. Ever.

You absolute imbeciles. 

You god damn fuckwits. 

You bring shame on America. And I apologize to the rest of the world. We don't all own guns. We are not all that fucking stupid. But, like the president, our hands are tied, too. We have a corrupt congress, and everyone here fucking knows it, but we won't vote them out of office. We get mad at them, and their approval rating is in the fucking toilet, but every election cycle, the NRA and their ilk pour millions and millions and millions of dollars into their brain-washing advertising full of lies and trickery and deceit, and we fall for it every fucking time. Every. Fucking. Time.

And, no, we don't understand it, either. 

And so there will be more and more shootings, and more deaths, and more people will repeat the cycle and run out to Wal-mart to buy their guns to protect their families because the NRA told them to, and more Adam Lanzas and Dylann Roofs will get their hands on those very same guns and will continue to shoot innocent men, women and children in churches and elementary schools.

Who feels safer now? 




Friday, June 12, 2015

Strange Brain Syndrome

The next few days are going to be rough for me, as I did something incredibly stupid.
You see, I spent all my money on lindens to kit myself out in Maitreya stuff budgeted poorly and left myself with no money to afford my happy pill. I could rant and rave here about the state of healthcare in the US, the price of medicine thanks to big pharma, or how sad it is that this lowly nonprofit employee doesn't make enough to afford her medicine.

But, yeah, really... the fault is all my own. Had I not blown my wad on a new body, skin and all sorts of clothing to go with it, I'd have had the cash to afford my happy pill.

Can't change that at the moment, though, so I'm sans pills until Thursday.

And that makes my brain feel very strange indeed. I can go without my happy pill for two days before the oddity starts to kick in. It's very hard to describe what happens... the very weird feeling I get. It's sort of like little waves of vertigo. Everything will be just fine, then my vision goes sort of blurry for a few seconds and it feels a bit like my brain is being squeezed. It's disorientating an discombobulating. If you have migraines and get the auras, it's sort of like that. My brain short circuits.

In addition to the physical weirdness, it doesn't take long for my behavior to change a bit, too. I don't get depressed... I get agitated. Everything frustrates me and I get extremely short tempered.

That's where I am today.

None of it is terribly bad... just weird. It's not an enjoyable feeling at all. It's annoying. Weird.

When I realized I was going to be short of pills for the week, I should have rationed them... made it so I could take one every other day, or every third day even, but I take them early in the morning before I'm even fully awake and I'm so used to doing it I don't even think about it. So when I turned the bottle over and it was empty, I was a little shocked.

And fearful. Because I know what happens when I don't take the pills. I know I'm going to have to fight my way through this feeling of ick, and I know it isn't fair to the people who have to deal with me.

So what I'll do is avoid people as much as possible over the next few days. My body is so accustomed to the medicine that once Thursday arrives and I get the medicine back in my system, things will kick back into normal very quickly. The only downside I'll have is the low libido for a few days- a side affect to pretty much every SSRI and SSNRI out there. It evens out fast and I'll be right as rain within a couple days of restarting my medicine.

I guess, on the flipside, the good part of being off the medicine for a few days means a higher libido than normal. I suspect I'll be masturbating a lot in the coming days... lol. As wiggy as I feel, and as irritable as I feel, I'm all tingly down there even though I'm not especially hungering for sex at the moment.

So yeah... I have Strange Brain Syndrome for a few days. Bear with me, please.

Monday, June 8, 2015

Just No

Well, I gave it a try.

The new skin and body.

I can't do it. I don't like it. On me. I don't like it on me. It doesn't look right.

It's just too damn young. I don't like the boobs. The nipples are in the wrong spot. I don't like the pudgy little feet and the strange round teenage girl hips.

It's just all wrong on me.

It felt wrong. I wasn't comfortable in my skin.
So I'm back to being me. It was a fun experiment, I suppose. 

An expensive one.

But... I feel better already being back to myself. I felt like I was being terribly dishonest with myself... especially after the recent brouhaha over the mesh heads. Even though I kept my shape and tried to find a skin that was similar to my original... I felt like I was wearing a mask. A full costume, actually. An uncomfortable costume.

Even though I'm really angry with Belleza for delaying so damn long with releasing the update... I'll continue to wait. 

The Venus is just a better body. For me.

If you like the Lara, great. I don't. I tried. I really did. It's gorgeous on others... but not on me. 

Neither body is perfect. They both have their flaws. Belleza with the neck and bad HUD, Maitreya with the weird feet and stiff hands and misplaced nipples. 

The Glam Affair skin is almost perfect. Too perfect. Except the boring beige nipples. And I felt like it had a gray tinge to it. My Belleza skin may not have that airbrushed, magazine perfect quality... but it's perfect for me. 

It's good to try new things. But you don't have to stick with it if you don't like it. It's okay to admit failure. I failed. I'm okay with that.

Because I'm okay with me. 

I like me, just as I am.

Sunday, June 7, 2015

The Best Laid Plans

Saturday night date fail.

It's the curse of loving in Second Life. Sometimes worlds just won't align as we'd like them to... and we have to make the best of a rotten situation.
I started out hopeful... it was still early. Still plenty of time to make an appearance.
Tossing and turning, restless.

The Lara ass is really starting to grow on me, by the way...
Assuming the position... just in case... as dusk gave way to night.
It wasn't meant to be... at least, not tonight.
So I touched, imaging his hands.
The brush of his fingers.
His breath, just before he kisses me so intimately. 
 
The way he nudges me open with his lips, his tongue.
Feverish and hungry, feeding and pushing me to that place he knows so well.
Until I can't contain it... control it... until I lose myself in him, his mouth... his love.
Well, that was supposed to be my Saturday night...

Perhaps tomorrow.

Saturday, June 6, 2015

In For A Penny...

...in for a pound, right?

I guess the first thing I should mention is, hey, the blog is back! Haters gonna hate, whatever. My blog, my words, my opinions, my rules. My comments will now be moderated before they're posted, though. If people want to disagree with me and have a debate, cool. But I'm not going to put up with anyone telling me my opinion is wrong. Comments like that will be glanced at, then deleted. 

I did a lot of thinking, and writing, while the blog was dark... still not sure if I'll make those posts public or not. For right now, I'm inclined to just jump back in.

So here I am. Friday night. 

Hugh decided to have an early night, so I was left to my own devices. This usually means trouble.

Tonight it meant getting frustrated all over again about the Belleza Venus and the long-awaited, long-promised, never-delivered update. 

Look, I freaking love the Venus. It's gorgeous. In my opinion, none of the others come close to it.

What I don't like is the fact that the neck "fix" is just bad. And the alpha cuts are terrible. 

And what makes me sad is that I've noticed that a few designers that were making appliers, shoes, etc. for Venus have stopped. I'm seeing new releases that previously included Slink, Omega, Belleza and Maitreya dropping the Belleza part. I haven't spoken to anyone about this... but it doesn't bode well for Belleza, I don't think. 

And then there are all the rumors floating around about what's going on, or not going on, with the Belleza update. I'm not going to repeat them because I have no idea whether or not they're true. But, still... 

But anyway... I got frustrated. Really, mostly entirely about the bloody neck fix. So once again, I tried the Maitreya Lara demo. And this time I was determined to give it a fair shake... and that meant trying on skin demos. Lots of skin demos. Lots and lots and lots of skin demos. 

It's an arduous task... changing something that you love. I love my Belleza Mya skin, but they're obviously not going to make a Lara applier. I really wanted to find something close to the Mya skin. Something that didn't look like I was 20 years old. Something that kept my personality. 

Demo, delete, demo, delete... over and over and over. 

I stayed away from the Glam Affair skins... in my opinion, they've all looked too polished and too perfect and too young.

Demo, delete, demo, delete... 

Okay, fine, I'll try the Glam Affair skins again.
Yep, you guessed it... I fell in love with two of their skins. I adored both the Amberly and the Zara skins. With my eye wrinkles and freckles, it aged them both a bit. After spending an inordinate amount of time switching the demos back and forth, I finally settled on the Amberly skin in the Jamaica tone. I will go back for the Zara skin once I can justify spending another L$5,000, but that won't be today.
Then off to Maitreya to purchase Lara. Then to the Omega shop. 

The Lara HUD is amazing. The alpha cuts... oh, the sweet, sweet alpha cuts! THE NECK FIX! It's perfect! You can barely see the line! Happy, happy, joy, joy!

Mind you, I still don't like the Lara body nearly as much as I love the Venus. I don't like the shoulders and I don't like the tits. And the fact that you can't change the color of the nipples. Why are they so pale?! I hate that. I love my Venus boobs. I love them! I miss them already! And the hands... that one frozen hand position just doesn't do it for me. They look incredibly stiff and unnatural to me.
I found a work-around for the nipples... a couple, actually. One is the Graffitiwear Nipple Tattoos. I bought these a while back for the Venus, but they looked terrible. Naked, they still don't look good. But underneath sheer clothing, they look fine and for only L$100, well... they'll do. 

The other work-around are these incredible mesh nipples from Soft Voices Creations. Wow. I sort of love these. There is a hard and soft version included in each pack and a HUD to let you change the color. Woo hoo! They're a little pricey at L$500, but SO WORTH IT if you're like me and hate the pale boring nipples with the Lara/Glam Affair combo.
I'm picky and peculiar, though... there is just something about the shape of the Lara boobs that I don't like. I fiddled with my shape a bit and made them a little bit better... but, damn it, I love the Venus boobs!
So, for right now, I have both. I am hoping and praying to a god I don't even believe in that Belleza comes through with that update so I can go back to it full time. 

I think I'll probably end up keeping the Glam Affair skin, though. It's growing on me more and more.

Can we talk about these nipples again, though? Soft Voices really did an incredible job with these!
*pinch*

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