Monday, October 19, 2015

Goats

I had a completely different post written for today, but I'm going to save that for tomorrow.
These sexy as fuck pasties make me happy.
Check back for my rant about mesh bodies creators, clothing designers and developer kits.

Instead, I'm going to devote this post to things that make me happy.

You see, I received one of those random, out-of-the-blue IMs today from a gentleman who had read my last couple of blog posts and decided I needed his wisdom.

This blog is my journal. As I've said before, I use it to help unscramble the mess of thoughts floating around in my head at any given time. And being a mercurial human being, those thoughts change fast and often.

Lately, though, the subjects have swirled around the mess that is my relationship and my unhappiness and anger over the situation.

Firstly, I'm only presenting one tiny part of one side of a very complicated story. Believe me, there are many, many details about what's happening with me and Hugh that I've not shared publicly. And a lot of feelings and emotions I have that I'm sharing only with Hugh.

As for Hugh's side... it's not mine to tell. And I won't. It's no one's business except his, and those he chooses to share it with. I won't betray that trust.

And his side, and my side, are only parts of the whole of what is happening with us.

But anyway, this dude today told me I'm coming across as (paraphrasing here) bitter and angry. He said I talk a lot about things that don't make me happy, but not much about what does make me happy.

So I've spent the better part of today thinking about the things that make me happy. And I didn't write all this out for that guy... I wrote it for myself, and also to all my readers because I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression. I'm not a bitter, miserable person finding fault with everything around me.

I'm just dealing with some shit right now, much as we all deal with shit at different times.

So, anyway... things that make me happy.

Hugh, of course. Even with everything that is happening, he still makes me goofy happy. I like the guy. It's not only our big love affair and all the grandiose emotions that go along with that. I just like him. He's a neat fella and has lots and lots of admirable qualities that I adore. Listing them all would take over this blog. But I like him, I love him, and he makes me happy.

I'm pretty damn happy with myself, too. I like me. I happen to think I'm pretty fucking awesome. That's how I know my depression right now is situational. I'm not hating on myself one bit - I'm hating on some situations I'm involved in that are beyond my control. But me? Hell, I'm fabulous!

I have the world's best dad... he's 86 years (and counting!) worth of spitfire and determination and awesomeness.

I adore my kitties. I have a kick-ass family that has my back no matter what. I've had the same best friend for over a quarter of a century and no one makes me laugh harder than her. And she's there, every single day.

There are the obvious things that make me happy, like having a place to live, clothes to wear, food to eat. A job that I don't hate working with people that I love. Speaking of that, I have this boss who is just incredible. Working for her is the bomb-diggity.

My car is paid for. I have health insurance. I've got a monster of a desktop computer that lets me explore SL with ultra graphics and nearly no lag. I've got an iPad so I can lie on the couch and surf Reddit... or porn. An iPhone for when it's not convenient to use the iPad.

I live in a very safe area where I don't have to worry about forgetting to lock my door for one night. Neighbors that mind their own business. I have like a three minute commute to work - with traffic.

Aside from those things... well, there's chocolate cake. Plain chocolate cake. You just can't beat it. Oh, and chocolate chip cookies. Fuck yes. Mango. Brussels Sprouts and Lima beans. Pretty much any kind of pork, but especially country ham. Cheesecake. Jesus, people, CHEESECAKE.

A baby laughing is pretty damn awesome. The music of the Beatles, and my favorite band, the Fratellis. The existence of the goddess of everything that we all know as Taylor Swift. Christ, I adore her!

The Little Prince, and the Hitchhiker's Trilogy. Sherlock and Dr. Who. NETFLIX. Stephen Hawking and Bill Nye and Neil deGrasse Tyson. I'm big fans of theirs and their joyful exuberance of intelligence and learning. President Obama makes me happy, and watching Bernie Sanders shake up the presidential elections is great fun. I love politics.

A big old thunderstorm, the first flowers of spring. The beach... everything about the ocean makes me happy. Dandelions and daisies and wildflowers. Ladybugs and dragonflies. Lightning bugs in June.

I get super happy when I hear or read about someone doing something nice.

My comfy bed and sliding under the covers with my kitties curled up with me all safe and sound, and knowing there in the middle of the night, that all my loved ones are safe and sound, too. Everyone is asleep and no one is out on the road with drunk drivers, or feeling sick, or lying awake worrying about the world. Being on vacation this week and being able to turn over every morning and shut off the alarm and going back to sleep. Being able to stay up as late as I want.

Orgasms. Orgasms are good. But those orgasms where two souls come together, two souls who really know each other and know just where to touch, and just where to taste, and just how hard to thrust... oh, those make me really, really happy.

All the animals... all of them. But especially goats. Goats are the best animals (other than my kitties). I plan to own a goat farm in my retirement and be surrounded by happy, bouncing goats.

And that's just a really small sampling of things that make me happy. In spite of the situation I'm in with Hugh right now, and it does suck ass, there are a lot of things in this world (and beyond it!) that make me incredibly happy.

And as for that dude that IMed me today? You know, he approached me much in the same way Hugh did nearly two years ago - after reading some of my blog, they both decided to give me some advice.

The difference? The big ass difference? Hugh gave me support... I still remember his first words to me. They were words of encouragement. This guy? His first words to me were that I needed to let go. Knowing very little about me, nearly nothing about my situation other than what I've shared here, he thought it was appropriate to chime in without so much as a hello first to tell me I needed to get over it and move on. And then questioned why I was so angry.

Hugh was a solid rock of support from the moment we first spoke. Through every decision I made, every rock I stumbled over... For good or for bad, Hugh supported me and my decisions, even when he didn't necessarily agree with them. Because he supported me. And still does.

And that makes me happiest of all.

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