Thursday, May 7, 2015

Just Babbling

Well, this is weird.

At least, I think it's weird.
Hugh and I were talking last night and I was telling him about this thing that happened yesterday. A voice from my distant past started up a conversation with me... our brief friendship didn't end on the best note, so I was surprised to hear from him. He said he'd like to be friends again, so I said sure. After chatting for a bit, and telling him about Hugh, I had to log off. By the time I came back, he'd already unfriended me.

I suspect I know his motivations. He wanted to fuck me, and as soon as he realized that wouldn't be happening, I wasn't worthy of his friendship anymore. Or whatever. I'm not sure and I don't really care enough to find out. Could have been a completely different reason.

He'd read this blog... at least, he'd read an entry or two, and I guess he was expecting someone else. When we first met, I wasn't as... domesticated... as I am now.
Hugh had his own ideas, and experiences, related to people who've read this blog and are curious about me, and about us and our relationship. He told me I'm a "minor celebrity" and I was honestly taken aback.

I have never once considered myself any such thing, nor is it my intention, or desire, to be. And I know I'm not. I have Google Analytics and I see the number of people who read this thing, and those numbers are pretty darn small. And I'd venture a guess that most of those people are people I know.

But every once in a while I run into someone that tells me they read this, and I'm always shocked. Happily shocked, but shocked.

It got me thinking... Am I really representing myself on this blog as I am in real life, or Second Life?
I like to think I do, but maybe not the full story.

The fact of the matter is that I'm a total homebody in Second Life. If I'm online, I'm almost always at my home, or Hugh's. We don't go out much, maybe dancing, but even then it's really just the two of us in our own little world.

I shop a lot, but that's sort of a solitary experience. I explore, but I typically check the map before I TP anywhere to make sure I'll be alone, or mostly alone.

I have a very small circle of friends, and even at that, I'm rarely the conversation starter. I have a grand total of 16 friends and of those, there are actually only three that I've talked to in the past couple of weeks. Most of them it's been months or more since we've talked.
I'm an introvert in real life and in Second Life. I am most comfortable in a very small group of people. Every once in a while, I'll decide to go out dancing on my own, or go see some live shows, but I find I'm almost always in the corner of the dance floor, as far away from others as I can be.

It's not that I'm not friendly, or avoiding anyone because I don't like them. It's just my natural state.

I think what I'm trying to say is that, hey, if you're out there reading this, and you're curious about me, say hello. I'm pretty much an open book. If I don't respond right away, it's pretty safe to assume I'm with Hugh. I do ignore incoming IMs when we're together, so don't take it personally. I will get back to you, I promise.
And if I seem standoffish, it's not personal. I'm just really kinda shy when it comes to talking to people. Maybe that's part of the reason I have this blog. I can talk, and think about what I'm saying - and edit it before I totally embarrass myself!

I'm not a celebrity, minor or otherwise. I'm just a chick with a constantly running internal monologue that I sometimes share.

And I like to show off my boobies. :-)

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