Sunday, March 22, 2015

Don't Look!

Sometimes I feel weird sharing these moments for the world to see...

But I love these moments. I love being able to live them again and again, through these photos... and through the memories we make. Those are mine alone, the memories. Well, not just mine... ours. 
I snap photos without even realizing I'm doing it. It's just second nature now, much like typing as we're making love. I'm not putting a lot of thought into the words I'm typing... they just flow through me. It's what I'm feeling... not even what I'm thinking, not consciously anyway.
Type, click, snap, type, click, snap... In a virtual environment, those actions take the place of touches, and whimpers, and whispers.

And much like when I'm making love in the real world, I'm not thinking of what I'm typing, or clicking, or snapping.

I just do what feels good, and what I know, deep in my reptilian brain, feels good to him.
And though I share what I'm snapping, the depth of emotion, I know, can't be felt by others. They're just pixels on the screen to the rest of the world but to us, they're moments suspended in time.
When we're making love, I'm feeling...

Yes, I'm also seeing the pixels on the screen, but they're rather a blur to me. Maybe that's why I'm also snapping photos as it happens. All I'm conscious of in the moment is the way my body feels... the way my body is reacting to him, and his to mine.
We're lucky this way, in this virtual world, that we can capture these moments from outside ourselves. In the real world, when two people make love... even if they're being very naughty and filming or photographing themselves, they aren't able to capture the full picture in the way we can in Second Life.
When I look at these photos after we've both logged off for the night, and start to edit them, it brings back the feelings... it lets me recapture the erotic glow I was feeling during those moments when our bodies come together, when time and distance are erased and the outside world doesn't exist.
It's only us. Our time. Our moments. And thanks to all this amazing technology, we'll still have these moments years from now.

How incredible is that?
I've not been a nun... I've had lovers on and off since I was 17. I'm 45 now and many of those memories have faded. Faces forgotten, names forgotten... and certainly feelings forgotten.
I know that this blog can live on forever. I know these photos will never disappear. And I know, many years from now, whether we're still together or not, I know I'll be able to look at these again and feel those moments.
So I share these pixels. Certainly, I do enjoy knowing others are looking at them, and hopefully they feel something when they see them, but I know they don't feel what I feel when I see them. I know they don't feel what he feels when he sees them.

That is the part that is private. And it will last forever.

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