Sunday, November 30, 2014
All I know is it feels like only a moment has passed since I met you. I still smile like a damn idiot when I see you, or when I like about you. I grin and giggle like a school girl with her first boyfriend. I get butterflies in my belly.
Am I still your beloved?
Real life sometimes gets in the way for both of us. No, not "gets in the way". It just is. We both have our lives and our obligations and sometimes things come flying in out of left field. Real life always, and should, come first.
I suspect that my suspicions are born out of the fact that I did something incredibly stupid when we first met, when I created that stupid alt so I could hide from Ark to be with you. And if it's something I would do, why wouldn't anyone else?
Being with you is not something I regret, not at all. God, not in the slightest. But, damn, I wish I'd handled it better, more honestly.
I try... I try very hard to not be jealous of the friendships you have with other women. And god knows you've never made me feel like I was in the way or interrupting or invading your friendship space with others. I'm always welcomed, and for that alone, I thank you.
You are one of the good ones, and those are few and far between in Second Life. What on earth have I done to deserve you? I'm just... me. I'm just Beth. And you... you are... god, you're magnificent.
That's something you've taught me, baby. To relax... to breathe... to understand that sometimes questions don't need to have answers. That it's okay to just be. Perhaps that's why the last tens months have just flown by so wonderfully. You've given me the confidence in us to just take each day as it comes, knowing that what we have is there and it's not going to go away. That you're not going to go away.
Even when I get goofy like this and crawl inside my head and start asking questions that aren't, and picking apart things that don't exist.
Because I am.
It's easy to forget sometimes, in my own head, that I'm pretty damn awesome just as I am. And that as lucky as I am to have you, you're lucky to have me.
We're just damn lucky that we found each other and took a chance.
Separately, we're both pretty hoopy froods. We've each got a lot, and we'd certainly survive without each other, but... damn, isn't it nice knowing we don't have to?
Where was I going with all this? Who the hell even knows? Once again, I'm using my blog as my diary, I suppose. Writing until whatever is tumbling around in my brain starts to make sense to me. :-)
Oh... you told me to go to bed early tonight, didn't you? I suppose I should wrap this up now and try to climb into bed before midnight. See you in our dreams, baby.
I love you.
Saturday, November 29, 2014
|I'll be nice and post pictures of last night's date while I lecture...|
And there are plenty of spots all around the sim for folks to leave tips and donations to help her pay the tier on this great place.
The Image Essentials group has close to 5,000 members, and yesterday morning when I stopped by, she'd only collected 7% of the tier for the month (it's up to 13% now).
People, that's just shameful.
|Let the wild rumpus begin!|
But come the fuck on! If you use a place like Image Essentials, leave a tip, damn it. Otherwise, these fabulous places are going to die.
We all know that real estate prices in Second Life are asinine, and over the years, many people have drifted away from Second Life because of this.
|Awww... is that for me?|
I would love to see SL drop the prices on land to something reasonable, but it doesn't look like that's happening anytime soon so it's up to us, the users, to keep it alive.
|Hungry, hungry Hugh|
Not to mention... damn it, they deserve something for their talent. For putting these places together. God knows, I can't do it. I don't have that creativity and talent so I rely on others to build these places for me.
|Slip and slide...|
I go all the time. There are some incredible musicians playing show after show after show all over Second Life and if you're not getting out to see them, you're really missing out.
|Makin' like Tigger... bounce, bounce bounce|
Pretty much every musician I've heard in SL would rather you tip the venue, though, if you've got a limited amount of lindens. Because if the venues close, the musicians have no place to play.
Same goes for the DJs and hosts and hostesses at clubs.
|Aftershocks... all over his belly|
To keep Second Life alive.
|All the kisses... never enough kisses... more kisses!|
The reality is that Second Life is NOT free. Just like real life isn't free. You get what you pay for. I factor it into my monthly entertainment budget. The tier for my land, all the goofy shopping I do, and yes, the places I visit. If I snap one single photo, there will be a tip. If I dance on someone's dance floor, they get a tip. If I turn my speakers up to hear a wonderful live musician, they get a tip.
Honestly, sometimes I'm broke. Sometimes I, in fact, don't have the lindens in my account.. and I feel guilty as hell when that happens. So you know what? I come back when I do have the lindens and leave a tip to make up for it. Most of us are living paycheck to paycheck... I get that, and so do these folks building these wonderful places. Maybe you can't leave any, or maybe you can only leave L$10. So what? Go back after payday and make good.
You can do it... I know you can! I have faith in you!
|Settling in for a long winter's nap|
Help these places stay alive.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
And that hasn't changed one bit for me over the years.
And now I'm going to complain about every fucking thing and get it right the fuck out of my system.
Then there was the Christmas my oldest brother came home from California to whispers from my whole family. I was only ten and there was a lot there I didn't understand. All I knew was his coming home was a surprise, which meant he wouldn't have any presents Christmas morning so I wrapped up some paperweight I'd made in art class. That's really my last memory of him because he killed himself about a month later.
And there isn't one fucking thing I can do about it. And it's bullshit and I'm fucking furious. I want to break things, to scream at something. To hit something. But what? I can't beat up cancer. And that fucking pisses me off, too.
I don't care that I'm 45 years old. I want my mom back. Now.
Now his 21 year old son is left with this giant responsibility on his shoulders and I'm just gutted for him.
His family is taking comfort in that... he was gravely ill and this disease would have slowly killed him. Instead, the woods that he loved so much took him back.
Oh, she's still going to do that, too. My sister offered to step in and take over, but she wouldn't hear of it. So she's hosting Thanksgiving tomorrow. The widow and son will be there, too.
Tomorrow is going to suck. But that's okay. I get that my sis-in-law needs that normalcy and needs her family around her. So I'll be there, we'll all be there. And we'll probably cry a lot. And eat turkey. We'll get through it because we're family and that's what we do, but forever more, Thanksgiving will be associated with this great loss.
The funeral was held in my old hometown. This is a place I do not have fond memories of. I have memories of the Klan marching in our Christmas parade. Memories of my gay brother being assaulted by stupid redneck mother-fuckers. Memories of being bullied. I hate going back there.
And then... the icing on the proverbial cake... on the way out of town, we stopped to eat at the world's shittiest Mexican restaurant, and you know what happened?
This chick a few tables over stood up and vomited right in front of me.
I think that's it. I think that's all I have to bitch about.
I just needed to get it out.
Because I am not going to let these things define me. Be a part of me, yes, but I just refuse to let myself wallow (for too long).
Thanksgiving is a day for blessings, right? And I have so, so many. I have this great family... full of issues, yes, but at the end of the day, we love each other fiercely. I have a job that is more than a paycheck. It's something I love. I have the best friend a girl could ask for. I have these amazing cats that make coming home every day a joy. I'm pretty healthy. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, a car that gets me where I need to go, clothes on my back. I have full use of my limbs. A nice set of tits... lol. I can read, I have clean water. I don't live in a warzone.
I have this man who loves every single bit of me. And a heart that is just so full of this beautiful man.
I have so much more than so many people have. I am lucky, and I am blessed.
And as I lie down to sleep tonight, instead of focusing on the bad, I will be thinking of those blessings and they will warm my soul and put a smile on my lips. A genuine smile.
Because though life throws us some shit sometimes, it's still fucking good. Life is good.
Oh, and I have Cookie Butter.
Life is good.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
He's the kindest, most selfless man I've ever known. Humble and caring and... well, geez, I could carry on for ages, but I'll spare you (this time), dear readers.