Sunday, November 30, 2014

Only For You...

Someone asked me a question yesterday, and it's question I hate... "What's the secret to your relationship? Your longevity?"
We've celebrated 10 months together now... is that a long time? I don't know. It's a long time for me, as far as SL relationships go. Maybe it's a long time for everyone. I really don't know.

All I know is it feels like only a moment has passed since I met you. I still smile like a damn idiot when I see you, or when I like about you. I grin and giggle like a school girl with her first boyfriend. I get butterflies in my belly.
Do you, my darling? You know better than anyone that I slip inside my head sometimes, and imagine all sorts silly things. I can't help it. It's part of who I am.
I think I'm better about it now than I used to be. You've been by my side every day, even the days we're apart. You've never given me a single reason to think that I mean any less to you today than I did ten months ago.
Yet I worry. Am I enough for you? Do I give you all the things you need, you deserve? Do I sate your desires? Am I still the woman you long for?

Am I still your beloved?
You'll say I'm being silly, and I know I am. Aren't I? I sit and tell myself you're not a man of grand gestures, but that would be wrong. You are. That beautiful pavillion you built for us. The Bethereal. That ring you wear on your finger that shows the world you're mine.
You show me in so many ways how you love me. In those exquisite gestures, and in the way you make love to me, so achingly perfect every single time. The soul-searing kisses, the touches, the way you bring your body into mine. Those moments when you go quiet, and I know you're just sitting there watching us, silently, feeling me... feeling us.
You've never been quite as verbose as me. And you certainly don't feel the need to dissect things like I do. And so I read into things. Little hints that probably aren't really hints at all, clues that mean nothing.
And I'm very aware that each day, you're never quite sure what the day will hold for you. The best laid plans and all that. :-)

Real life sometimes gets in the way for both of us. No, not "gets in the way". It just is. We both have our lives and our obligations and sometimes things come flying in out of left field. Real life always, and should, come first.
But sometimes it's so hard to know... Is it real (life) or is it... something else?

I suspect that my suspicions are born out of the fact that I did something incredibly stupid when we first met, when I created that stupid alt so I could hide from Ark to be with you. And if it's something I would do, why wouldn't anyone else?
It's amazing, isn't it, how actions like that can stick with a person? I think I lasted less than a week before I cracked, yet it still hangs heavily over me. I pride myself on honesty, yet... I lied. And as much as I value truth, I shamefully tossed my own beliefs aside to be with you.

Being with you is not something I regret, not at all. God, not in the slightest. But, damn, I wish I'd handled it better, more honestly.
Not only because it was wrong to do, but because it's left me suspicious of others. I know I was capable of it (though I failed miserably) so of course everyone else is capable of it, too.

I try... I try very hard to not be jealous of the friendships you have with other women. And god knows you've never made me feel like I was in the way or interrupting or invading your friendship space with others. I'm always welcomed, and for that alone, I thank you.
But I know you, and I love you, and I just simply can't imagine every woman who meets you doesn't fall ass over teacups in love with you, too. :-)

You are one of the good ones, and those are few and far between in Second Life. What on earth have I done to deserve you? I'm just... me. I'm just Beth. And you... you are... god, you're magnificent.
Or maybe that's us. I'm just Beth, and you're just Hugh, but together... together we're extraordinary. And maybe there doesn't have to be an answer to that question from way up in the first paragraph. Maybe we just are, and what we have just is.

That's something you've taught me, baby. To relax... to breathe... to understand that sometimes questions don't need to have answers. That it's okay to just be. Perhaps that's why the last tens months have just flown by so wonderfully. You've given me the confidence in us to just take each day as it comes, knowing that what we have is there and it's not going to go away. That you're not going to go away.

Even when I get goofy like this and crawl inside my head and start asking questions that aren't, and picking apart things that don't exist.
I sometimes feel as if I don't deserve you... that I can't possibly be enough for you. But then I remember... all the grand gestures, and the small ones, too, that show me in so many ways how you think I'm quite the catch as well.

Because I am.

It's easy to forget sometimes, in my own head, that I'm pretty damn awesome just as I am. And that as lucky as I am to have you, you're lucky to have me.

We're just damn lucky that we found each other and took a chance.

Separately, we're both pretty hoopy froods. We've each got a lot, and we'd certainly survive without each other, but... damn, isn't it nice knowing we don't have to?

Where was I going with all this? Who the hell even knows? Once again, I'm using my blog as my diary, I suppose. Writing until whatever is tumbling around in my brain starts to make sense to me. :-)

Oh... you told me to go to bed early tonight, didn't you? I suppose I should wrap this up now and try to climb into bed before midnight. See you in our dreams, baby.

I love you.

xoxox

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Let's Talk Tipping

I'll be nice and post pictures of last night's date while I lecture...
Yesterday, I dropped by Image Essentials. The wickedly funny and talented Kay Weston built this place out of love and a desire to give people an amazing place to take photos. Not only are there studios with any prop you could want, she's built an entire sim of gorgeous photography settings. And it's all free. FREE! The group is free, the props and poses are free to use, and it's just lovely.

And there are plenty of spots all around the sim for folks to leave tips and donations to help her pay the tier on this great place.

The Image Essentials group has close to 5,000 members, and yesterday morning when I stopped by, she'd only collected 7% of the tier for the month (it's up to 13% now).

People, that's just shameful.
Let the wild rumpus begin!
Look, I know Second Life is "free". And I know times are tight for all of us.

But come the fuck on! If you use a place like Image Essentials, leave a tip, damn it. Otherwise, these fabulous places are going to die.

We all know that real estate prices in Second Life are asinine, and over the years, many people have drifted away from Second Life because of this.
Awww... is that for me?
But we're here, and I assume we're here because we love Second Life, right? In addition to the fabulous people we meet, there are fabulous places to see and visit. The places have tremendous overhead and they are slowly all going away and that's tragic.

I would love to see SL drop the prices on land to something reasonable, but it doesn't look like that's happening anytime soon so it's up to us, the users, to keep it alive.
Hungry, hungry Hugh
It doesn't matter if it's L$20 or L$200 or L$2,000... just give a little. If everyone did it, it would add up quickly and these wonderful creators could keep creating and keeping these places alive.

Not to mention... damn it, they deserve something for their talent. For putting these places together. God knows, I can't do it. I don't have that creativity and talent so I rely on others to build these places for me.
Slip and slide...
And speaking of talent, how about the musicians playing all over Second Life? And the DJs? And the club owners? How often do you go out to a club or to hear a musician or band play in SL?

I go all the time. There are some incredible musicians playing show after show after show all over Second Life and if you're not getting out to see them, you're really missing out.
Makin' like Tigger... bounce, bounce bounce
And shouldn't they be paid for performing? Of course they should. And dropping a couple hundred lindens in their tip jar is a hell of a lot cheaper than going out in RL.

Pretty much every musician I've heard in SL would rather you tip the venue, though, if you've got a limited amount of lindens. Because if the venues close, the musicians have no place to play.

Same goes for the DJs and hosts and hostesses at clubs.
Aftershocks... all over his belly
It's the price you pay for getting to enjoy these labors of love. None of these people are in it to make a living. They just want to provide a place for people to gather and have a good time.

To keep Second Life alive.
All the kisses... never enough kisses... more kisses!
Tipping is just a part of life. I know in countries other than America, tipping isn't something people necessarily regularly do. Maybe it hasn't occurred to you that you need to be paying these folks. I'm here to tell you that you do. You absolutely do.

Please do.
Blanketed.
I love Second Life and I want to keep it alive and growing. I know there are issues that are beyond our control, but this is something we can.

The reality is that Second Life is NOT free. Just like real life isn't free. You get what you pay for. I factor it into my monthly entertainment budget. The tier for my land, all the goofy shopping I do, and yes, the places I visit. If I snap one single photo, there will be a tip. If I dance on someone's dance floor, they get a tip. If I turn my speakers up to hear a wonderful live musician, they get a tip.

Honestly, sometimes I'm broke. Sometimes I, in fact, don't have the lindens in my account.. and I feel guilty as hell when that happens. So you know what? I come back when I do have the lindens and leave a tip to make up for it.  Most of us are living paycheck to paycheck... I get that, and so do these folks building these wonderful places. Maybe you can't leave any, or maybe you can only leave L$10. So what? Go back after payday and make good.

You can do it... I know you can! I have faith in you!
Settling in for a long winter's nap

Tip, tip, tip, tip, TIP!

Help these places stay alive. 

Please. 

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Letting It Out

As it does, life went and got stupid again.
Look, I'm not a fan of the holidays. Even as a kid, it was just all too much for me. Too much expectation, too much pressure, too many people... just generally too much.

And that hasn't changed one bit for me over the years.

And now I'm going to complain about every fucking thing and get it right the fuck out of my system.
I come from a really big family. I'm the youngest of eight kids. Sounds like the makings of great holiday memories, doesn't it? Actually, no... being the youngest meant I missed out on all those big fun Christmases. By the time I came around and was old enough to understand what Christmas was, my siblings were all moving out and having families of their own and I was left with hearing the stories about how much fun they all had when they were kids.

Then there was the Christmas my oldest brother came home from California to whispers from my whole family. I was only ten and there was a lot there I didn't understand. All I knew was his coming home was a surprise, which meant he wouldn't have any presents Christmas morning so I wrapped up some paperweight I'd made in art class. That's really my last memory of him because he killed himself about a month later.
Now this holiday season, one of my other brothers is in bad shape. You see, the chemo seems to have stopped working. In addition to that, he is in a tremendous amount of pain. The kind where morphine doesn't touch it. And it's hell on my own family, but worse than that, it's hell on him.

And there isn't one fucking thing I can do about it. And it's bullshit and I'm fucking furious. I want to break things, to scream at something. To hit something. But what? I can't beat up cancer. And that fucking pisses me off, too.
I miss my mom at the holidays a lot anyway, but with my brother currently being murdered by cancer, as she was, it's just making it that much harder for me. Mom was my best friend. I want my mommy, damn it.

I don't care that I'm 45 years old. I want my mom back. Now.
And because that isn't enough, last Saturday my sister-in-law's brother was killed in a freak accident chopping down a tree. This guy... he was just a farmer. The man worked every day of his life. He was a good man. A dependable man. He farmed the land every day that has been in my sis-in-law's family for eight generations and he was chopping down an oak tree, as he'd done hundreds of times before, and the damn thing split and killed him instantly.

Now his 21 year old son is left with this giant responsibility on his shoulders and I'm just gutted for him.
The bizarre thing about that whole situation is that he'd been feeling bad for a while and had some tests run last week. The family got the results on Monday, after he died. Turns out, he had developed some blood disease that I can't remember the name of that stops his body from producing new blood cells.

His family is taking comfort in that... he was gravely ill and this disease would have slowly killed him. Instead, the woods that he loved so much took him back.
But did it have to be right before the holidays? As my sis-in-law said in her eulogy today, she wasn't supposed to be burying her big brother today. She was supposed to be home preparing the Thanksgiving feast for tomorrow.

Oh, she's still going to do that, too. My sister offered to step in and take over, but she wouldn't hear of it. So she's hosting Thanksgiving tomorrow. The widow and son will be there, too.

Tomorrow is going to suck. But that's okay. I get that my sis-in-law needs that normalcy and needs her family around her. So I'll be there, we'll all be there. And we'll probably cry a lot. And eat turkey. We'll get through it because we're family and that's what we do, but forever more, Thanksgiving will be associated with this great loss.
And if all that weren't enough...

The funeral was held in my old hometown. This is a place I do not have fond memories of. I have memories of the Klan marching in our Christmas parade. Memories of my gay brother being assaulted by stupid redneck mother-fuckers. Memories of being bullied. I hate going back there.

And then... the icing on the proverbial cake... on the way out of town, we stopped to eat at the world's shittiest Mexican restaurant, and you know what happened?

This chick a few tables over stood up and vomited right in front of me.

Seriously.
I think that's it. I think that's all I have to bitch about. 

I just needed to get it out. 

Because I am not going to let these things define me. Be a part of me, yes, but I just refuse to let myself wallow (for too long). 

Thanksgiving is a day for blessings, right? And I have so, so many. I have this great family... full of issues, yes, but at the end of the day, we love each other fiercely. I have a job that is more than a paycheck. It's something I love. I have the best friend a girl could ask for. I have these amazing cats that make coming home every day a joy. I'm pretty healthy. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, a car that gets me where I need to go, clothes on my back. I have full use of my limbs. A nice set of tits... lol. I can read, I have clean water. I don't live in a warzone. 

I have this man who loves every single bit of me. And a heart that is just so full of this beautiful man. 

I have so much more than so many people have. I am lucky, and I am blessed. 

And as I lie down to sleep tonight, instead of focusing on the bad, I will be thinking of those blessings and they will warm my soul and put a smile on my lips. A genuine smile. 

Because though life throws us some shit sometimes, it's still fucking good. Life is good.

Oh, and I have Cookie Butter.

Life is good.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Ladies and Gentlemen... the Hughbris!

Daddy's got a new toy!
We had to take her out for a little sail tonight around Naked.
She's gorgeous, isn't she?
So sleek, and long... she's a big boat!
If I saw any other man piloting this big girl, I'd think he was trying to compensate for something.
I can assure you that's not the case. *ahem*
This is his third boat... he started off with the Someone Else's Problem, followed by the Bethereal, and now the Hughbris. I have a soft spot in my heart for each of them.
He looks damn fine behind that wheel, doesn't he? I just want to chomp on that ass day and night.
Handsome beast. Sometimes I just have to pinch myself because I can't believe he's mine.
It's hard for me to appreciate all the scenery when I'm so busy staring at him.
And he does his fair share of ogling my tits, too. I think that's why he likes sailing so much... he loves to watch my boobs jiggling as we bounce over the waves.
We had to slip down below deck to make sure the bed was in working order.
And it was... so were his fingers. Yes, that is my "O" face.
We also made a new rule tonight. He has to kick his shoes off before he fucks me from now on. Yes, baby, even if we're on a boat and they're boat shoes. :-P
We finally had to back up top. The cabin smelled like raw sex and if we didn't get some fresh air, we'd have been down there all night long.
I'd say her maiden voyage was a success.
And I have the best man in all the world. He doesn't even mind when I leak all over his butt. I mean, really, it's sort of his fault... most of what spilled out was his. The rest was mine... Did I mention I'm a squirter? And the aftershocks from his lovemaking can go on for quite a while... Tends to cause quite the mess.
It's funny that he named this one the Hughbris, considering the man is pretty much the opposite. Vain? Conceited? Arrogant? Nooooooo...

He's the kindest, most selfless man I've ever known. Humble and caring and... well, geez, I could carry on for ages, but I'll spare you (this time), dear readers.
Goodnight, Superman. Lois loves you.

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