Monday, October 27, 2014

Yes. The Answer is Yes.

There was another question posed to the group at last week's Basilique salon...

Is sex better the longer you're with someone?

Hugh and I both responded with a resounding YES!

Mind you, I think it gets better if the two partners work for it... and what fun work that is, amiright?

It's not strictly a matter of loving someone... it's about knowing someone. And letting them know you. I don't think I have a single kink or fetish that Hugh doesn't know about... except the new ones we discover together. And that's not to say our sex life is all about kinky shit. There is nothing better than just being at home with him, alone with him, naked with him... we don't need props. We just need each other to make it magical.

We do both enjoy the visual... we have the finest selection of the best sex furniture lindens can buy. It absolutely helps set the mood and it's incredibly erotic to see what we're doing to each other. But when it turns from erotic to sublime... that's all us. It's the words we speak to each other. The touches that can't be seen on any pose ball. The nibbles and licks delivered to those exact spots that we know drive each other wild.

And does it get old? Knowing someone so well, and having them know you so well? I suppose it might for some... but not for us. Our first time together knocked our proverbial socks off. Our latest time... tonight... was about elebenty trillion times more intense. And fun.

When the man falls out of his chair when he cums, you know something is going right. ;-)

We engage and feed off each other... I don't know how to explain it, even though we're not in the same room, or even the same state, and sometimes not even the same country, but it doesn't matter. We feel each other.

And that comes with time. It comes with knowing someone.

So yes... that answer is yes. It does in fact get better the longer you're with someone.

It's kinda like this...
It's playful.
And I can't get enough... can never get enough.
He let's me take what I want...
What I always need...
And he gives... he gives me just what I deserve.
And oh sweet jesus... is it always good... so fucking good.
And then it just gets better. We rub noses...
Like the Eskimoses!
And the sun sets behind us and we talk...sometimes it's deep, often it's just silly. And sweet.
And we burrow down deep in our cocoon, murmuring and kissing and touching. Laughing together.
Safely nestled, always touching... protecting and cherishing.
Exactly where we want to be.
And it's perfect.
And it's right.
And we share the stars as we drift off together. We're safe, and we're sated, and we're loved. And we know... we know... we get to do it all over again tomorrow. And it'll be different, but it will be us, and it will be perfect. Again.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Expectations

This past week, I had the opportunity to join in the weekly Basilique chat salon. I've been a Basilique member for quite a while, but haven't spent nearly enough time there... and that is something I very much need to change.

Hugh has been to a couple of these salons and enjoyed them. He shared a some of the chat transcripts with me and I was intrigued, to say the least.

Let's face it... it's often not easy to find intelligent discourse in Second Life, especially that which is adult in nature. Basilique seems to attract individuals who are extremely sexual in nature, while holding themselves, and those around them, to a higher standard and it's very pleasing to encounter folks like that.
I had a bit of trepidation beforehand. Most of these people I'd never met before and... as you all well know... I tend to be a bit verbose at times. To paraphrase President Bartlett, "Why use ten words when you can use fifty?"

Fortunately, the lovely moderators Becky and Jack, have a format that they stick to very tightly. Each person has five minutes to speak on the subject of the week, then there is another five minute period to discuss what was said. This allows everyone to have their say and it works beautifully.

This week's topic was "What are sexual turn ons and turn offs for women and men?"

Now that's a topic I can really sink my teeth into!
However, the participants seemed to have a little something different in mind. I applaud Becky and Jack for going with the flow instead of getting testy about it as others would.

You see, in my opinion, the topic strayed away from the sexual to... well, really, what others are seeking in a partner. It became more about what people are seeking in another person rather than what turns them on, strictly sexually speaking.

I was expecting something more along the lines of discussions about the way people like to be fucked, to be frank, and that wasn't what we had at all.
What we did have was wonderfully interesting, though, and every enlightening. Being as we were in Second Life, the discussion leaned towards what we're looking for in the other avatars we chose to spend time with, rather than real life, though I'm certain there's quite a bit of cross-over there.

I'm not going to get into the individual desires of the participants. I don't have their permission to share their thoughts and the discussion was very personal. I don't feel comfortable spilling their secrets (and I'm too lazy to go back and read through the chat log).
We all have certain characteristics that we seek in others. Traits that attract us. And when we're looking for, and contemplating, letting another person into our lives, it's perfectly natural to form a sort of mental checklist.

Especially in a place like Second Life where we encounter so many people. A common theme in the chat were profiles... everyone loves profiles and it's a very easy way to make a quick decision as to whether or not a person is someone you want to get to know better.

There was a bit of dissent from my beloved on this topic. Anyone who's looked at my profile knows which camp I fall into... I will rarely speak with anyone who has a blank profile. My darling man, though his profile isn't blank, has a very short profile on purpose. I've noticed that this is something more common to men than women. Men tend not to put it all out there, as it were.
But aside from profiles, it doesn't take long in a conversation to ascertain if this is a person you will connect with.

I just went back through my chat log with Hugh... back to the very beginning. I had forgotten that we didn't fuck on the first date and he reminded me of that during the salon. I was curious to see just how our initial meeting went.

Not gonna lie... I'm rather embarrassed by how overtly sexual I was to him in our first conversation. I was downright slutty and he was just trying to be a nice guy. Thankfully, he had read this blog and knew there was a bit more to me than just being a whore!
I was partnered at the time and we (Ark and I) were just starting to have problems. He and I were never monogamous so banging Hugh wasn't a problem. It became a problem when I fell ass over teacups in love with him, though. Best problem I've ever had. :-)

So what was it about Hugh? Let me go back to my personal mental checklist...

Oh, wait... no. I didn't have one at the time. Or, I guess I probably did but whatever was on it... It had absolutely nothing to do with falling in love with him. We connected. It wasn't on purpose, it wasn't something we were both sitting there thinking "Yes, this person meets this requirement, and that requirement".
And that is the point of this entry. I very badly wanted to interject this into the salon at Basilique, but I also didn't feel it was my place to.

And I know I also would have come across as very arrogant if I had.

Most everyone in that room seemed to be seeking something, and they all had these expectations their lovers needed to meet.

And it seemed that for most of them, the people they meet never quite meet those expectations. Let me just state that there is absolutely nothing wrong with setting the bar high. We all deserve the very best.
The problem is that if we go into every encounter with these expectations and list of requirements, the most amazing people can pass right by without notice because on initial glance, they seem to come up lacking.

I was in an emotional tailspin when Hugh first IMed me. I know I wasn't at my best then. My self-worth was in a place where I thought all I had to offer was sex. I also thought that was all I was seeking.

If he had judged me solely upon that first meeting, we wouldn't have gone anywhere.

Neither of us really had any expectations of the other at that point... and as a result, it gave us something fabulous to grow on. We still are... we learn new things every day. I know that won't work for everyone. What we have is something unique to us and as easy as it has seemed, we've had to work at it. Though our connection was almost immediate, we did have things we needed to deal with, and still do. And the fun part is working through all that together.
We were talking after the salon chat, giving it our own sort of post mortem. My charming gentleman informed me that as others were talking, he was going through it as sort of his own checklist. Each thing other people said they were looking for, we had.

And it wasn't necessarily there in the beginning. That sort of intimacy takes time. And, holy shit, you have got to talk about it with your partner. You've got nothing if you don't have communication. Believe me, I know it's often not easy to tell someone what you want or need. Sometimes, Hugh still has to pull it out of me.

That level of comfort takes time. It doesn't happen overnight. But it is so, so, so worth the effort and the discomfort and the work.
So my point is, I suppose, simply this: Don't judge a book by its cover. Sometimes a masterpiece can be hidden beneath the corniest, cheesiest cover. You have to leave your expectations at the door and take a chance. A leap of faith.

I didn't think it was in the cards for me... I really didn't. I knew I was seeking something... if you'd asked me what it was at that time, I can guarantee it would have looked nothing like what I have now. And what I have now is so much better than I ever dreamed possible. 

I deserve it, yes... again, we all do. But I'm still surprised every single day when I wake up that I've got this man, and we have this relationship that is so right in ways I didn't know existed.

So, ladies and gentleman... throw away your checklist. Put those expectations on the back burner for a while. Let them simmer. There's plenty of time to stir it... but take a chance on a different recipe. 

Your new creation just might turn out delicious.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

The Unexpected

Just a quick post here...
My life follows a pattern... and it's one that even after 45 years, I still don't recognize.

Whenever I have a total shit day, like yesterday, it's followed by a spectacular day. And I never, ever see it coming.

Before I get to the really great stuff, I should explain a bit about yesterday.

I pay absolutely no attention to cycles. 

Yes, I mean that cycle. 

I used to track it when I was younger but nowadays... meh. And I usually don't get terrible PMS. The biggest sign for me that Aunt Flo is on her way is that I get crazy horny.

I've been crazy horny this week, but really just chalked it up to having a drop-dead sexy boyfriend that keeps my girl parts in a constant state of juiciness. 

Sometimes, though, I turn into the stereotypical she-devil. Yesterday was such a day. And, yep, today I'm riding the old cotton pony.

TMI? Whatever... it's my blog. ;-)

Also, said boyfriend is a saint. A very patient saint. So everything is wonderful there. Or whatever the things are that come after wonderful. Sublime. Divine. Perfect.

But... and here's where the Unexpected comes in... I got some other news today. And this was very, very unexpected indeed.

You've read about my brother and his stage IV cancer. I haven't said a lot about it lately because there hasn't been much to tell. He's been having chemo every three weeks and finally finished the first round.

And today he got the results of his latest CT scans back.

THE TUMORS HAVE SHRUNK BY 50%!

We weren't expecting this at all. We'd been led to believe we shouldn't even hope for it. But there it is. 

A miracle? Karma? GREAT science by GREAT doctors? All of the above and then some?

I don't know... and I'm not questioning it. All I know is that his doc said it's the best CT scan he's seen in a long time. 

He's not out of the woods by a long shot... but, fuck. Fuck. We've got something to grasp hold of now. Some hope. My brother has a chance. And he's such an amazing guy and so very, very much deserves this.

And I couldn't be happier. 

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Oh, Beth, you silly twat...

Have I had a day!
I'm not a depressed person.

Oh, yes, I absolutely do have the disease known as depression, but I'm not depressed. I take a joyous little pill every morning that keeps all my shit in whack and go on about my life enjoying puppies and kittens and flowers and just pretty much loving everything.
But sometimes, some days... that shit will just creep right the fuck up on me. Work, family, the fact that it hasn't stopped raining in days...
Today I bottomed out. I let it all get to me.

I was one crabby bitch. Even worse, I was a sobbing crabby bitch.
And I took it out on those around me... people at work, my family... and, yes, my beloved.
The damn man won't let me pick a fight with him.

One time, early in our relationship, he put his foot down over something and I stomped off in a fit. Or, in SL terms. I logged off.
That lasted all of about five minutes until I sheepishly logged back on with apologies for acting like a teenage girl.
This time, however, he did something that he knew would piss me off.

Granted, in the whole scheme of things... our entire nearly nine months together, he really hasn't done anything that he knew would make me turn all harpy so I really have to give him credit for that.

He's a good man. No, a great man.
 Ha! You looked! PUNCH!
Anyhoo... really, it wasn't that big of a deal. I didn't like what he did. He knew I wasn't going to like it so he, being a man (and I mean that in the realest, most mature, wonderful, adult sense) told me about it. Because that's what mature adults do- "Oh, sweetness, I did this thing. I know you're really not gonna like it, but I'm telling you about it anyway because I'm not hiding anything from you."
Did I react in a mature, adult way? Nay... I email stomped off. In a right huff. Instead of saying, "Thank you for telling me. No, I don't like that but you're an adult and I trust you and I love you and you've never given me a single solitary reason to doubt you in any way, shape or form. Thank you for your honesty, and your love, and every bloody wonderful thing about you."
See, I'm not the only one who has bad days. So does he. And I knew it. I know it. He's had a crappy few days himself and instead of being supportive and loving, I took my crappy day and hit it right upside his crappy day and then both our crappy days got even crappier.
 Well, crap.
So... being a photographer and blogger, I decided I'd just get it all right the fuck out of my system and take the most emo photos I could (with tits!) and, as luck would have it, it worked.
It also helped that I spent some time tonight talking to the ex. He's probably going to be furious at me for spilling stuff, but hey, he broke into my house and fucked his (now ex) wife on my bed so I owe him one.
He's depressed, though he doesn't believe he is. He has been for the almost year I've known him. And he lacks the motivation to make it better. I know what that feels like... I've been there. And I know that it can get better but not if you sit on your ass and don't do anything about it.
 What? Like I wasn't going to get naked before this post was over.
Anyway... between the photos and the writing and the talking to him... Well, shit. My life is pretty fucking good. I'm not going to kick myself for getting down for a little while. It happens. It's part of life. I will apologize to Hugh, though. He didn't deserve my icey wrath today. He deserved a nice big fat bear hug and to be showered with kisses.

Because, fuck, he's amazing. And holy shit, do I love him.

And he's allowed his missteps, just like I am. And you. And all of us.
So I'm just going to sit on this big fluffy duck and apologize. No more tears, no more emo.

Baby, I'm sorry. I was a jealous, harpy, naggy, ugly bitch today. And I am so, so sorry. I trust you implicitly. I love you with every fiber of my soul. You are simply the very best thing in the entire universe and whatever lies beyond that. You are a good man. The best man.

My man.
So please forgive me.

I mean, really, you can't stay mad at me when I'm all cuddled up to a giant duck, right? And he's waving at you.

But, for reals though. I will cut a bitch that tries to come between us. Not that anyone is trying. Just sayin'. 

smiles sweetly

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Reunited...

And it feels so good.
There are quite a few difficulties that go along with being in love in Second Life.

One of them, of course, is that pesky nuisance that real life can be. Getting in the way and keeping you and your love apart... for days sometimes. Days!
The bloody nerve of the real world, right?

Oh... but then the fates align and you're back in each other's arms.
Except, and here is where my second point comes in, you're not.

Physically. You can't actually reach out and touch. Grab. Hold.
And that's where the importance of imagination and words comes into play.

You see, I can't physically hold Hugh. In the real world, when your feelings are too much for words, you can show them in actions. You can wrap your arms around someone and squeeze and squeeze and squeeze and pour everything out through touch.
But this is where... and I know we aren't alone in this... cyber sex becomes something more than a monitor and keyboard.

There is a tangible, real connection that transcends the virtual.
Gonna just sleep right here... 
We are connected. In every single way except the physical... except, in some way that only virtual lovers can understand... it's extremely physical.

I feel it. In my body, in my bones. I can feel his touch. I taste his kisses. And when he's inside me... buried so damn deep inside me... god, I can feel that, too.
Full Moon Rising
The places we take each other... the heights of ecstasy... the physical reaction of my body couldn't be any more real. When I cum with him in Second Life... I cum. I orgasm and spurt and shatter just as if he's here with me. I can feel the weight of him on top of me. I can feel his shaft piercing me.
I feel his heart beating against my breasts. The shudders that course through his body. His cock stretching me, thrusting. I can feel him releasing his seed inside me.
I know many couples in the real world who don't feel it as deeply as we do. Who don't connect on such an ethereal level.

And it always tickles me when these friends of mine look at me almost with a look of pity because they simply don't understand the depth of emotion that can be felt through the physical distance we share.
They assume I'm missing out on something. It's inconceivable to them that Hugh and I have no plans, no need, to try to forge something in the real world.

I guess that's a two way street, though. I can't conceive, at this point in my life, of making such drastic changes to fit another physical human into my reality. I'm so comfortable and set in my ways that it absolutely gives me the heebie-jeebies to think of someone invading my space every second of every day.
To each his own, I suppose.

All I know is that I have this thing... Hugh and I have this thing... and holy shit, do I love it.

I am lucky. I am a lucky fucking lady.
Heart Shaped Box
And so yes, it's difficult when we can't be together in Second Life for a time because one of us has to concentrate on what's happening in the real world.
But we get that reunion. Every single time. We get to come back together and soak in our bliss. Our shared joy.
And even when we're not together in SL... that connection is still there, never broken. I can feel his love wrapped around me every hour of every day. I'm never alone. He's there. My safe harbor.
Never let you go.
In a way, I wish I could figure out a way to make others in the real world understand... but, when it comes right down to it, it's something special and secret and belongs just to us. And to the others out there who also have this virtual world with a virtual love.

We've got something they don't. We've got this other human being who we can be our truest self with. Someone we can share our deepest thoughts and emotions with.

Because sometimes it's just easier to say things, to see things, to feel things, when you're not actually face to face with another person.
There is absolutely a safety in sharing worlds through a keyboard and monitor. 

And there is absolutely a euphoria that comes with that, too. I wouldn't give it up or change it for anything.

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