A very beautiful young girl committed suicide in my town last night.
I didn't know her, never heard of her until today... but, god, she could have been me. I could have been her.
Before she killed herself, she filmed a suicide "note" and posted it on YouTube. The video has since been removed, but I saw it before they took it down. They shouldn't have taken it down. It was horrifying and heart-breaking but so, so important to hear her words. She wanted people to hear her words. People need to hear her words.
Maddie had this to say about living with depression and how it feels:
"I just don’t see how this is a bad idea because it’s like someone’s on the 12th floor, and the room behind them is on fire. And they’re standing on the window ledge and they have a choice whether or not to jump and get away from the fire or just stay and die a slow, excruciating death. It feels like that."
Keep in mind that she is... she was... a junior in high school. A junior in high school.
And she described it exactly right... it is exactly like that.
She said she was doing everyone a favor.
That poor child. That poor, poor child.
She asked for people to remember what a bad person she was.
Oh my god... I just spent the last hour reading her Twitter feed. She was a beautiful, achingly beautiful soul. She was a leader among her friends... I saw her chastising people for spreading rumors about others and about being bullies. She had, many times in her tweets, referred to suicide hotlines and about getting help and how painful it was for her to know that some people saw suicide as their only option.
And now, just like that, she's gone. She's gone and she can't come back.
And it's devastating to me because I felt her words... I could feel them because they're words I've said before, thoughts I've had many, many times in my 44 years. I can't even... I'm just so horrified for this poor child. She said it herself... she felt like she had a demon inside her. And she just wasn't equipped at such a young age to fight him and she gave up... gave in. And now she's gone.
No, I didn't know Maddie, but I knew her.
And my heart is just shattered for her.