Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Oh, Beth, you silly twat...

Have I had a day!
I'm not a depressed person.

Oh, yes, I absolutely do have the disease known as depression, but I'm not depressed. I take a joyous little pill every morning that keeps all my shit in whack and go on about my life enjoying puppies and kittens and flowers and just pretty much loving everything.
But sometimes, some days... that shit will just creep right the fuck up on me. Work, family, the fact that it hasn't stopped raining in days...
Today I bottomed out. I let it all get to me.

I was one crabby bitch. Even worse, I was a sobbing crabby bitch.
And I took it out on those around me... people at work, my family... and, yes, my beloved.
The damn man won't let me pick a fight with him.

One time, early in our relationship, he put his foot down over something and I stomped off in a fit. Or, in SL terms. I logged off.
That lasted all of about five minutes until I sheepishly logged back on with apologies for acting like a teenage girl.
This time, however, he did something that he knew would piss me off.

Granted, in the whole scheme of things... our entire nearly nine months together, he really hasn't done anything that he knew would make me turn all harpy so I really have to give him credit for that.

He's a good man. No, a great man.
 Ha! You looked! PUNCH!
Anyhoo... really, it wasn't that big of a deal. I didn't like what he did. He knew I wasn't going to like it so he, being a man (and I mean that in the realest, most mature, wonderful, adult sense) told me about it. Because that's what mature adults do- "Oh, sweetness, I did this thing. I know you're really not gonna like it, but I'm telling you about it anyway because I'm not hiding anything from you."
Did I react in a mature, adult way? Nay... I email stomped off. In a right huff. Instead of saying, "Thank you for telling me. No, I don't like that but you're an adult and I trust you and I love you and you've never given me a single solitary reason to doubt you in any way, shape or form. Thank you for your honesty, and your love, and every bloody wonderful thing about you."
See, I'm not the only one who has bad days. So does he. And I knew it. I know it. He's had a crappy few days himself and instead of being supportive and loving, I took my crappy day and hit it right upside his crappy day and then both our crappy days got even crappier.
 Well, crap.
So... being a photographer and blogger, I decided I'd just get it all right the fuck out of my system and take the most emo photos I could (with tits!) and, as luck would have it, it worked.
It also helped that I spent some time tonight talking to the ex. He's probably going to be furious at me for spilling stuff, but hey, he broke into my house and fucked his (now ex) wife on my bed so I owe him one.
He's depressed, though he doesn't believe he is. He has been for the almost year I've known him. And he lacks the motivation to make it better. I know what that feels like... I've been there. And I know that it can get better but not if you sit on your ass and don't do anything about it.
 What? Like I wasn't going to get naked before this post was over.
Anyway... between the photos and the writing and the talking to him... Well, shit. My life is pretty fucking good. I'm not going to kick myself for getting down for a little while. It happens. It's part of life. I will apologize to Hugh, though. He didn't deserve my icey wrath today. He deserved a nice big fat bear hug and to be showered with kisses.

Because, fuck, he's amazing. And holy shit, do I love him.

And he's allowed his missteps, just like I am. And you. And all of us.
So I'm just going to sit on this big fluffy duck and apologize. No more tears, no more emo.

Baby, I'm sorry. I was a jealous, harpy, naggy, ugly bitch today. And I am so, so sorry. I trust you implicitly. I love you with every fiber of my soul. You are simply the very best thing in the entire universe and whatever lies beyond that. You are a good man. The best man.

My man.
So please forgive me.

I mean, really, you can't stay mad at me when I'm all cuddled up to a giant duck, right? And he's waving at you.

But, for reals though. I will cut a bitch that tries to come between us. Not that anyone is trying. Just sayin'. 

smiles sweetly

3 comments:

  1. And that is how you write a blog post. Just awesome :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. you are really a fantastic lady! the small letters!!!!! :D

    ReplyDelete

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