Thursday, July 3, 2014

I Got This

Shit's scary right now.

I'm not going to pretend it isn't.

My brother is facing death in the next several months and my family is facing a living hell. That shit is scary. I'm scared for my brother, I'm scared for my dad, and I'm scared for my family.
It all just goes to show how fragile the balance really is. We weren't expecting this. Life was just toddling on as it does and then BOOM.

Something happens to change the course of everything.
But look what I have! Great tits, yes, but that's actually not what I'm talking about. ;-)

I'm talking about this guy that's holding on to me here.

When we got together, this wasn't in the plan. It was all supposed to be carefree, and fun, and laughter, and sex... lots and lots of sex. Cancer (even though neither of us are the ones with it) wasn't on our radar.
I don't know what the next several months are going to be like for me. It's that unknown that terrifies me. And there are going to be times, of this I'm certain, that I'm going to be a complete nutter. A total basket case.

He could walk away right now, and I wouldn't blame him. He didn't sign on for this... and yes, I know a lot of you are thinking it would be a shitty thing for him to do to turn his back on it all, but it would also be completely understandable.

SL isn't RL. We all come to SL for our own reasons, but the one thing I think we all have in common is that it's an escape for us. A way to, for a little while, shut out the real world and live in our fantasies.
I have never been good at keeping those two worlds separate, and I make no secret of this, but over the next few months it's entirely possible... probably even... that these worlds are going to intermingle on a level I haven't visited before, simply because what is going to be happening in the real world is so huge that I won't be able to block it out, for any reason.

And this amazing man isn't going anywhere. He's always been my lighthouse. My safe harbor. And he's stepping up to the plate to be that even now, even when the storm clouds are closing in hard and heavy. It's not going to be a gentle summer storm... This is gonna be tornados and typhoons. Category 5 hurricanes are on the horizon.

Any sane person would shutter the lighthouse and head inland, but not my guy. He's going to weather the storm with me.
I honestly never doubted this for a minute. That's just the kind of man he is. 

So I got this.  
I know... I know... that whatever comes along in the foreseeable future, I'm going to be okay. I see it in his eyes. I feel it when his arms are around me. He has that faith in me, and I can't help but see it and feel it, too. I am the woman he loves. I'm imperfect, yes. We all are. But, damn it, I'm strong as hell. At the end of all this heartache and uncertainty, I'm still going to be on my feet. I may fall a few times, but I'll get right back up.

And life will be good. Not because he'll still be standing right there next to me. I won't put that sort of burden on his shoulders. This is on me. I am the only one who can make sure I come through this okay. And I will.

But having him there, supporting me, helping me up when I stumble... I can't deny that it helps. In such a wonderful way. When I need that reminder of my strength, he's going to be there. My stalwart companion. Partner. Best friend. Lover. My love. 

Thank you, my darling man, for having my back. For being in my corner. 

I got this.

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