Wednesday, July 2, 2014

God, You're An Asshole

When life goes to shit, as it invariably does from time to time, I start to think about God a lot.
Well, first, let me say that life hasn't exactly gone to shit. My brother is dying, yes, but... that doesn't change all the joy and beauty there is in the world. It makes me horribly sad. I'm going to miss him like crazy. He's a good guy... a very good guy, and he doesn't deserve this. It's going to be a hellish few months. For me, yes, but most especially for him. Doesn't matter if you're not afraid of dying... being handed a death sentence is a terrifying thing, indeed. I don't care if you're 9 or 90, it's a shitty thing.

I'm not religious. In my nearly 45 years, I've found not a single instance of anything that would lead me to believe there is life after death. And certainly no indication that there is any sort of god out there.

I would like to believe, though, that life doesn't end when we die. For many reasons... the first being, there is nothing I want more than to be able to see my mom again. To get more Mom hugs, which are absolutely the best thing of all the best things. Nothing compares to that, and I'd love to experience it again.

Another reason is that I'd love a chance to have a little chat with God.

Oh, I talk to him a lot, though I don't believe in him. I'm not an atheist. I don't know what comes next... I won't pretend to. I readily admit I could be absolutely wrong about everything. I doubt it, but there you go.
So, yes, I talk to him, just in case. A lot of times, I'll ask for things for other people. Mostly I ask why.

You know that show, Inside the Actor's Studio and that James Lipton guy? And those questions that he asks each of his guests? I know they aren't his questions... he borrowed them from Bernard Pivot. Anyway, the last question is always "If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?"

What I'd like to hear him say is "There's the library. It has all those answers you've been looking for."

As to what I'd say to him... what I'd really love the chance to say face-to-face... is "Why are you such an asshole?"

There is a lot I don't get about religion, especially Christianity, mainly because that's the one I know most about. Look, the Christian god is an asshole. Unequivocally an asshole. He lets really, really terrible things happen.

Oh, you say, that's not God. Christians have these two excuses... either it's all part of God's big plan, or God doesn't make people do <insert whatever horrible thing has been done by a human>.

Bullshit. Is God not all knowing? All seeing? All powerful? Infallible? If he isn't, he isn't much of a god so why worship him? If he is all those things, and still lets these horrific things happen, fuck him. He's an asshole.
If he's got a plan, it's a shitty fucking plan. Christians would say I just don't understand his plan. None of  us can. Oh, again, bullshit. It's a terrible damn plan. Babies starving to death? Shitty fucking plan. Murdering my mom and my brother? Shitty fucking plan. Earthquakes, tornados, fires...? Shitty fucking plan.

Dear God, fuck you and fuck your plan.

A baby is born and it's a miracle from God. That same baby is raped by his father, who then pours acid on him and sets him on fire to conceal the evidence? Oh, that's evil at work.

What? The all-powerful God can't defeat evil? Well, fuck you, you fucking pussy. You are a weak, weak god and certainly not worthy of my praise or worship.

Or maybe you just chose not to intervene. You gave us free will and all that shit, right? Fuck. You. You're ignoring us like some kid's long forgotten science project shoved in the back of his closet. Fuck you. Too busy to show your face or send another of your children down to show us the way and the light? Fuck you.

I simply can't comprehend why anyone would give their faith to him. He's a worthless deity. He's a real shit. A monster. And I can't fucking stand him.

If there is something in the great beyond, I can't help but think... hope... that the reality of it is something far, far different than Christians would have us believe. Because the Christian god is a mean son of a bitch. I want no part of that. I want no part of a god that can't, or won't, put an end to needless innocent human suffering.

So yeah... God, you ARE an asshole.

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