Sunday, April 13, 2014

Slut-Shaming Revisited

I received a lot of feedback on my last post, both direct and indirect and I want to address some of the comments I heard.
For the most part, it was all very positive but I did get some feedback from a couple of people defending slut-shaming and those are the ones I'd like to address.
I understand as well as anyone how hard it can be to see a former love with a new person. It can suck, hard. And hurt like a bitch.

And it can be quite amplified in Second Life where it is so easy to keep track of someone... I know how hard it is to stop yourself from looking at his/her profile. Add in a Flickr feed or a blog? Well, we're only human. We're going to look. Of course we are. Even after all this time, I occasionally take a peek at Rob's blog and Flickr. Doesn't hurt anymore... it's curiosity more than anything.
The point is that we do it. It's pretty inevitable.

Relationships in SL can be complicated, passionate and fleeting. Things happen. New people come along. Passion fizzles. Differences are compounded and added upon and things can fade, or explode and love is replaced by hurt, anger... and yes, sometimes indifference.

Most often, though, it's hurt and anger. And when you witness that person moving on... it's shit. I know it is.

And we really can't control how we feel. It's not like there is a magic switch we have that turns off the pain.
And, if I'm being honest, I suppose it can suck pretty hard when your ex moves on with someone like me. Not that I'm anything great... Christ knows I can be as fucked up as they come! I'm talking about someone like me who revels in their sexuality and puts in on display for all to see.

I went through it myself when I had to see Rob, also a photographer and blogger, moving on after me. No, I didn't have to look... but I did. And it hurt like a bitch and felt very... deliberate. Very much like he was doing these things with the express purpose of hurting me.
Things were a bit different there in that some of the things he did were intentionally designed to hurt me but that's a whole nother kettle of fish I have no wish to revisit.

The fact is, though, that the end of a relationship hurts and there is pain that we can't control.

What we can control, though, is how we deal with it. How we react.
There are a myriad of choices, of course. And slut-shaming is certainly one of them.

Perhaps, though, it's be better to either, you know, ignore it and keep your mouth shut. After all, the relationship is over and you really have no say in how your ex lives his/her life.

The other option I like, however, is honesty. Instead of impugning your former love and his new person, how about saying a little something like this? "Hey... I really wasn't expecting to see you like that. I know it's not my place anymore... but it hurt. I respect your choices and understand that you've moved on and your life has taken another direction, but it stings to see it."
See? That's not so hard. Instead of flinging accusations and casting aspersions on a person's manhood, try a little raw honesty.

It's never easy to let another person see your vulnerabilities, but there is great strength in doing that. This blog is a prime example... it's empowered me so much. It's not just about posting the photos... it's opening myself up and letting others see me. Through my words. Some things are easier to say than others... some of them leave me raw. But when I get it out... god, it's an amazing feeling. Hitting the "publish" button... knowing I've conveyed a part of myself... shared a piece of me.

This blog is just me... it's just my life and the people who are in it. You can share it with me, or you can ignore it. But I won't change, and I won't compromise who I am.

Not for anyone. And neither should you.

1 comment:

  1. I enjoyed the few posts I read so far, keep being you, it feels fresh.

    ReplyDelete

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