Saturday, November 30, 2013

We Have A New Baby!

He doesn't even have a name yet!
Ark and I finally had a chance to talk. I won't be birthin' no babies. Woot! But... hey... puppies are so much better! 
This little stinker snorts and drools. I love him. 
He's so damn cute.  
His favorite spot seems to be under the Christmas tree. 
Or lying on my feet. 
That tongue! 
It was between the Pug and the Bloodhound. Maybe we'll get him a brother or sister later. 
That's the face of love right there, people!

Creepy As FUCK

Sitting at my desk, scratching my damn head.
I did some research tonight (meaning browsing the marketplace) on what sort of prim babies are out there... and I've come to one conclusion. They are all creepy as fuck.

Seriously, like the stuff of nightmares. What in every fuck?
I love my house. Our house.
I'm no builder or designer or maker-of-things, but there is so much awesome stuff to be had in SL, why in the hell are the babies all so freaking... weird?
Kill it. Kill it with fire!
I can't even figure out what is so wrong with them... but they just are! Not just ugly, but... scary weird creepy. Like, they were snatched from the pits of hell. Demon spawn. They will eat your soul, people!

Every prim baby is Chucky's sibling, I'm certain of it.
Yeah, that's wine in my hand. Yeah, I'm pregnant. So?
What does this mean for my pregnancy? I don't know... but I know I won't be attaching one of those prim monsters to my hip.

Maybe me and my guy can be surrogate parents? Or, you know, careless people who habitually get knocked up and sell their babies on the black market? People who ship their infants off to a Swiss boarding school immediately after birth?

I wasn't a girly-girl as a child. I played with Barbies, but never really did the baby doll thing. Stuffed animals, yes. I guess I've always preferred animals to children.
Getting sloshed with Frosty looking over my shoulder.
Oooh... can I give birth to a puppy or a kitten? Maybe a platypus?

Eh, that's kinda creepy, too. Can I trade the baby for a kitten?

Anyway, so yeah... that whole maternal thing just skipped right the fuck over me. Biological clock? I smashed that bitch with a sledge hammer. I've never been around kids much. I have a bunch of siblings, but they're all much older than me. My neighborhood was all people whose kids were the ages of my older brothers and sisters. Even as a kid, I didn't really relate to kids.
Maternal-Schmaternal.
I know Ark is really happy about this pregnancy. And I love him beyond reason. But I wouldn't be happy trying to fake being a mom in Second Life. I trust that he'll understand that.

Fingers crossed.

Friday, November 29, 2013

And She's Pregnant.

Note: I promise you that no matter what happens, I am NOT going to turn this into a pregnancy blog... or, god forbid, a mommy blog!

Well, if this isn't the weirdest situation I've found myself in so far in Second Life, I don't know what is.
I'm pregnant.

This is something I swore I would never, ever do. Ever. I thought the whole SL pregnancy thing was just ridiculous. Insane. Weird and freaky.

And, yeah, I still sort of feel that way. But sort of not, too.
In my years in SL, I've discovered that lots of men love the idea of unprotected sex. It's sort of dangerous, I suppose, and I guess it makes them feel virile. It is the male's biological imperative to spread their seed far and wide to propagate the species, after all. Perfectly natural, and playing with it in SL is a great way to do it without having to pay child support and raise RL babies.

I have always stayed far away from that sort of thing, though. I absolutely do not... did not... have any desire to be preggers and, god forbid, end up with one of those prim babies that I have to care for.

I'm a nurturer, but not especially maternal. In real life and Second Life. I'm 44 and I've never once felt the need to make a baby. Not a responsibility I want. The cats are plenty.

Ark is one of those guys who likes the possibility of getting his girl pregnant. At first, I was sort of... meh. But then I started thinking about it. And fell ass over teacups in love with him. The idea of him planting his seed in my belly started not only becoming more attractive to me, but something I craved.

So... Mama Allpa it is.

I should have read all the instructions and stuff first. Turns out my fertility was set at 100%, instead of 40% or 60% as it should be for a woman my age.

Whoops.

I've fixed that now, but it's too late and I'm 6 weeks pregnant.
And I really don't know how I feel about that.

My initial reaction was to immediately reset the HUD and make myself not pregnant. Terminate the pregnancy, as it were.

But Ark is out of town and I haven't been able to talk to him about this yet.

This is one of those weird convoluted areas where SL and RL meet. I would never, ever terminate a RL pregnancy without talking to the father first. That is just unconscionable to me.

I am liberal and pro-choice. A woman should always have a choice.

But for me, personally, and thank god I've never been in the position to have to make this decision, I've always thought that I couldn't ever have an abortion. As I said before, I've never felt the need to have a baby, but I also know there are plenty of people who would love to adopt a baby. I thought that if I ever did get preggers, I would carry the child and find someone very loving to adopt it.

Resetting the Mama Allpa HUD and ending this pregnancy is... a decision I'm not ready to make yet.

Probably doesn't help that I went to one of the clinics at 4am this morning and had an exam and ultrasound.

I have to confess, I'm curious about what this whole experience could be like. The pregnancy part, not so much the giving birth and having a prim baby to haul around. That part still doesn't intrigue me very much. Maybe a little... but that lifestyle is so contrary to my Second Life it's hard to even imagine for me. But I'm interested in the experience. Seeing my (Second Life) body grow and change. Going to doctor's appointments and seeing the ultrasounds. Finding out if it's a boy or a girl.

I don't play Second Life as a game. I weigh the decisions Beth Macbain makes in my real life head.

A lot of what happens next is going to depend on Ark... I have no idea what he wants and his opinion matters greatly to me. He is my Second Life partner in more ways than one. He's my lover, my best friend... my future husband. If he wants to have children with me, I would strongly consider it. Maybe he wants to go through the whole pregnancy experience but end it at the birth. Or maybe he wants me to end this pregnancy now and continue with the fun of having sex with the chance of getting me knocked up every time.

I just don't know yet.

I know... I know that none of this is real. It's just... I don't know, it's just a very odd place to find myself in. Very foreign to me. Kind of fun, in a scary, exhilarating sort of way.

And, yes, ridiculous as fuck, too.

Also, the experience of going to the clinic was not at all what I expected. Perhaps it's the clinic I went to. I ended up with some nurse with big giant blingy earrings sticking vibrators in my snatch and my butt. And going down on me. Oh, and putting on a strap on and banging me before the ultrasound. If I'm going to do this, it's not a sexual fetish sort of thing for me. It was 4am and I was still a bit stunned at finding out that I got knocked up so damn fast and just sort of let her go with it.

So, yeah... if any of you are into the whole pregnancy sexual fetish thing, here are some pics I snapped at my extraordinarily weird six week check-up.













Thanksgiving Night Boredom

Who's online right now? NOBODY!
At least, nobody on my friend's list. Anyone out there? Anyone? Bueller? Want to come over and have the sexy-sex?
This is the problem with us introverts on Second Life on holiday nights. I did the family thing today... and now I'm home. And I don't have to work tomorrow. I'll be damned if I'm going to bed yet!
I could go for a good frolicking fuck.
The boyfriend is out of town. My friend's list is a barren wasteland of offline people. I'm comfy in my jammies and don't want to get all dressed up to go out prowling.
If anyone else is out there, reading this, and is as bored as I am, IM me. Please. I beg you. Come over and we'll do naughty things to each other.
Naked things.
sulks petulently

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

So Thankful For You... Yes, You

I dressed up as a turkey for you guys... because why the fuck not, right? Eat me!
And now to list all the things I'm thankful for this year.

First, and most importantly, I'm thankful for my dad's continued good health. When we lost Mom five years ago, we all pretty much thought that'd be it for Dad, too. Nope. He fooled us all. I'm not in the slightest bit religious, buy Dad believes in something... and he believes Mom is somewhere waiting for him, and when it's time, it's time. He's in no rush because he's certain that they have eternity to spend together. I hope he's right. In the meantime, I'm just so damn thankful he's still here with us.

Secondly, I'm thankful I have a job that, though it's frustrating sometimes, I love. And it pays me enough to keep a roof over my head and pays my bills. I can afford food for me and the kitties. Some things when I need them. I can buy lindens and live a life of luxury in Second Life. Gas in my car. I'm good with that... I have enough. I don't need more.

I'm thankful for my family. I have a herd of brothers and sisters that love my introverted, weird self. No matter what I do, or where I go, these are the people that will always, always be there for me and be in my corner. They're all freaking nuts, just like I am, but they're perfect and they're mine.
My best friend. We've been besties since we were 19, so that's... holy shit, 25 years? She's like my partner... two single, middle-aged women that make each other laugh outrageously. She's always been there for me and always will, as I will be for her. My family is hers, and vice versa. She's my complete opposite- conservative where I'm liberal, extroverted where I'm introverted. Loud and boisterous where I'm quiet. Yet somehow it works for us and there is no better friend in the world.

I'm thankful for my fluffy bundles of joy... my two cats. I can't imagine not having animals in my life and these two are just wonderful. My old lady, 14 years old, and my 1 year old kitten. They love me unconditionally and bring me joy on a daily basis.

My dad has a dog. He was supposed to be a small beagle but instead he's a 45lb horse. Scares the crap out of all of us when he gets nutty and we think he's going to pull Dad over, but Dad loves him to bits and the dog loves him. He gives Dad a reason to get out of bed every day and keep moving forward. He knows the doggie needs him and he needs the doggie just as much. Two closer best friends, you'll never see. 

I'm thankful for my health. I'm not in the best shape in the world, but when I see the kids at my work that live on ventilators and have medical issues that are horrific, I realize how damn lucky I am to have use of all my limbs, and my brain functions (semi)normally. 

I'm thankful for the friends I've made in Second Life. We may never meet, but that doesn't make our friendship any less real to me. You all keep me sane and I love having you in my world.

And, yes, I'm thankful for my summer romance with Rob. Our relationship and friendship may not have ended on the best terms, but being with him showed me how much I crave companionship in Second Life. Before Rob, I shunned all SL relationships. With him, I was able to open myself to new experiences and new ideas of what Second Life could be to me. He didn't end up being the man I needed him to be, but I'm still thankful he was in my world for a while. He was also the person who convinced me to try my hand at photography and it's become a passion of mine now. So, Rob, thank you. 

And... yeah, I'm thankful it ended. If it hadn't, I doubt I would have gotten to know my darling Zach the way I did. 

I am so thankful that goofy man came into my world. I've already droned on and on in a previous post so I won't do that again. I'm also thankful he's gone... because he's off to be someone amazing and live his dreams. So damn proud of him. Love him so much.
And, lastly, I'm so damn grateful... so thankful... that Ark came into my world. I was beginning to think I wasn't going to find what I needed in Second Life, and then there he was. He stormed into my life, into my heart, and nothing is the same now. It's so, so much better than I ever hoped. In a very brief span of time, he's filled me with so much love and joy that I overflow with it. He's an extraordinary man... and he's all mine. I have his heart and he holds mine and cherishes it. I look forward to my second life with him every day. 

Life is good, folks. I can't wait to see what's around the next corner.

Thank you so much for following me and reading my verbal diarrhea. Knowing people read my words and enjoy my pictures means the world to me. I simply adore each and every single one of you. <3

This Is New

I'm pretty used to having a boyfriend , or lovers, that are online as much as I am. That isn't Ark. His time in SL is limited. In a way, it's good. Gives me time to miss him. In many other ways, it sucks. We're still new... and I want to be with him all the time. We're in that first blush of new love and it's so much fun. I guess not being able to see him as much as I like will draw out this fun exciting period even longer.so that's not necessarily a bad thing.
I love having the freedom in SL to do whatever I want, with whoever I want. But right now, that's him. 
I miss him. Doesn't help that we tripped into each other's hearts right before the holiday season, when people are traveling and I'm so busy at work that I won't be able to come up for air until January. 
But you know what? Doesn't matter. I'm happy. I finally found the man (or, actually, he found me) that gives me everything I want. Much like the real world, we can't be together every second. Makes the moments we do have all that much more special.
So, yeah... missing him. Don't want to go out and fuck random people. Can't go back to Olina yet... still hurts too much to see the empty bar without Zach behind it. Doing a lot of shopping and decorating our home. And taking pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. 
Here's how I spent my Tuesday night... buying short hair and taking nearly naked pictures of myself. All in all, not a bad evening. 

 





 






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