Friday, November 29, 2013

And She's Pregnant.

Note: I promise you that no matter what happens, I am NOT going to turn this into a pregnancy blog... or, god forbid, a mommy blog!

Well, if this isn't the weirdest situation I've found myself in so far in Second Life, I don't know what is.
I'm pregnant.

This is something I swore I would never, ever do. Ever. I thought the whole SL pregnancy thing was just ridiculous. Insane. Weird and freaky.

And, yeah, I still sort of feel that way. But sort of not, too.
In my years in SL, I've discovered that lots of men love the idea of unprotected sex. It's sort of dangerous, I suppose, and I guess it makes them feel virile. It is the male's biological imperative to spread their seed far and wide to propagate the species, after all. Perfectly natural, and playing with it in SL is a great way to do it without having to pay child support and raise RL babies.

I have always stayed far away from that sort of thing, though. I absolutely do not... did not... have any desire to be preggers and, god forbid, end up with one of those prim babies that I have to care for.

I'm a nurturer, but not especially maternal. In real life and Second Life. I'm 44 and I've never once felt the need to make a baby. Not a responsibility I want. The cats are plenty.

Ark is one of those guys who likes the possibility of getting his girl pregnant. At first, I was sort of... meh. But then I started thinking about it. And fell ass over teacups in love with him. The idea of him planting his seed in my belly started not only becoming more attractive to me, but something I craved.

So... Mama Allpa it is.

I should have read all the instructions and stuff first. Turns out my fertility was set at 100%, instead of 40% or 60% as it should be for a woman my age.

Whoops.

I've fixed that now, but it's too late and I'm 6 weeks pregnant.
And I really don't know how I feel about that.

My initial reaction was to immediately reset the HUD and make myself not pregnant. Terminate the pregnancy, as it were.

But Ark is out of town and I haven't been able to talk to him about this yet.

This is one of those weird convoluted areas where SL and RL meet. I would never, ever terminate a RL pregnancy without talking to the father first. That is just unconscionable to me.

I am liberal and pro-choice. A woman should always have a choice.

But for me, personally, and thank god I've never been in the position to have to make this decision, I've always thought that I couldn't ever have an abortion. As I said before, I've never felt the need to have a baby, but I also know there are plenty of people who would love to adopt a baby. I thought that if I ever did get preggers, I would carry the child and find someone very loving to adopt it.

Resetting the Mama Allpa HUD and ending this pregnancy is... a decision I'm not ready to make yet.

Probably doesn't help that I went to one of the clinics at 4am this morning and had an exam and ultrasound.

I have to confess, I'm curious about what this whole experience could be like. The pregnancy part, not so much the giving birth and having a prim baby to haul around. That part still doesn't intrigue me very much. Maybe a little... but that lifestyle is so contrary to my Second Life it's hard to even imagine for me. But I'm interested in the experience. Seeing my (Second Life) body grow and change. Going to doctor's appointments and seeing the ultrasounds. Finding out if it's a boy or a girl.

I don't play Second Life as a game. I weigh the decisions Beth Macbain makes in my real life head.

A lot of what happens next is going to depend on Ark... I have no idea what he wants and his opinion matters greatly to me. He is my Second Life partner in more ways than one. He's my lover, my best friend... my future husband. If he wants to have children with me, I would strongly consider it. Maybe he wants to go through the whole pregnancy experience but end it at the birth. Or maybe he wants me to end this pregnancy now and continue with the fun of having sex with the chance of getting me knocked up every time.

I just don't know yet.

I know... I know that none of this is real. It's just... I don't know, it's just a very odd place to find myself in. Very foreign to me. Kind of fun, in a scary, exhilarating sort of way.

And, yes, ridiculous as fuck, too.

Also, the experience of going to the clinic was not at all what I expected. Perhaps it's the clinic I went to. I ended up with some nurse with big giant blingy earrings sticking vibrators in my snatch and my butt. And going down on me. Oh, and putting on a strap on and banging me before the ultrasound. If I'm going to do this, it's not a sexual fetish sort of thing for me. It was 4am and I was still a bit stunned at finding out that I got knocked up so damn fast and just sort of let her go with it.

So, yeah... if any of you are into the whole pregnancy sexual fetish thing, here are some pics I snapped at my extraordinarily weird six week check-up.













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