Saturday, October 5, 2013

Loving, Losing and Learning in SL

The past week has been hell.

But as terrible as it was, with a few days behind me now, I'm getting some perspective and seeing things more clearly.

A good friend of mine gave me a note card that talked about what I'm going to call the Pie Theory. Each person has their own pie. Mine is a big pie... as a matter of fact, it's not even a pie, because I'm not really crazy about pie. Mine is a cheesecake. A huge cheesecake.

My cheesecake has lots of slices... and each slice represents a person in my life. Some pieces are just tiny slivers... some are big fat delicious pieces of yumminess. Rich and flavorful... meant to be savored.

A person could try to consume my entire cheesecake but they'd just make themselves sick and end up regretting it.

I tried to make my dude be my entire cheesecake. And I tried to be his. And it made us both sick to our stomachs. I love cheesecake but trying to eat the whole damn thing made me pretty crazy. All that sugar went to my head, I guess.

The dude is pretty smart. He realized before I did that trying to eat my entire cheesecake was making him ill, and realized that one piece was enough and pushed the plate away. I kept shoving it in my mouth.

So... that's a weird analogy, but it worked for me. I won't say I'm happier... yet. But I am happy.

We were both unhappy. Neither of us were getting what we needed. I'm finally understanding that my expectations of him were way too high. In the real world, I'm in control of every aspect of my life and it makes me crazy when I don't have that control. I'm single, independent and don't rely on others, probably to a fault. I keep everyone, family and friends, at arm's length and that's all about being able to keep control.

Second Life is my escape from that... it's a place where I don't have to be in control anytime. I wanted to be my dude's possession, something I'd never allow myself to be in the real world. In Second Life, I can let myself be consumed... and that's just not who the dude is. He already has those responsibilities in life... he didn't come to SL to recreate those. It wasn't fair of me to demand that from him.

So, my dude... I still want him to be a slice of my cheesecake. And I want to be a slice of his, too. A big one... a big, rich, thick and decadent slice that is meant to be savored and enjoyed in small bites.

Keep your fingers crossed for me... for us.

It's too delicious to toss in the trash.

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